QUESTION: What can we as parents do to improve public schools in our area?

DR. DOBSON: Most educators know that parental involvement is absolutely critical to what public schools are trying to do. Others (fortunately not the majority) see themselves as the professionals and resent parental interference. We should never accede to that idea. Parents are ultimately responsible for the education of their kids, and they should not surrender that authority. Educators are their employees, paid with tax dollars, and are accountable to the school-board members whom parents elect. The best schools are those with the greatest parental involvement and support.

With that understanding, let me urge you to visit your child's school to answer questions of interest to you. Does the staff understand the necessity for structure, respect and discipline in the classroom? If so, why don't you call your child's teacher and the principal and express your appreciation to them. They could use a pat on the back. Tell them you stand ready to assist in carrying out their important mission. If your school system is not so oriented, get involved to help turn the tide. Meet with parent groups. Join the PTA. Review the textbooks. Work for the election of school-board members who believe in traditional values and academic excellence. Let me say it again: Schools function best when the time-honored principle of local control -- by parents -- prevails. I believe it is making a comeback!

QUESTION: Schools are asked to accomplish many things on behalf of our kids today. They are even expected to teach them how to have sex without spreading disease. What part of the curriculum would you give the greatest priority?

DR. DOBSON: Schools that try to do everything may wind up doing very little. That's why I believe we should give priority to the academic fundamentals -- what used to be called "readin', writin' and 'rithmetic'." Of those three, the most important is basic literacy. An appalling number of students graduating from high school can't even read the employment page of the newspaper or comprehend an elementary book. Every one of those young men and women will suffer years of pain and embarrassment because of our failure. That misery starts at a very young age.

A tenth-grade boy was once referred to me because he was dropping out of school. I asked why he was quitting, and he said with great passion, "I've been miserable since first grade. I've felt embarrassed and stupid every year. I've had to stand up and read, but I can't even understand a second grade book. You people have had your last laugh at me. I'm getting out." I told him I didn't blame him for the way he felt; his suffering was our responsibility.

Teaching children to read should be "Job One" for educators. Giving boys and girls that basic skill is the foundation on which other learning is built. Unfortunately, millions of young people are still functionally illiterate after completing twelve years of schooling and receiving high school diplomas. There is no excuse for this failure.

QUESTION: My thirteen-year-old daughter has become increasingly lazy in the past couple of years. She lies around the house and will sleep half a day on Saturday. She complains about being tired a lot. Is this typical of early adolescence? How should I deal with it?

DR. DOBSON: It is not uncommon for boys and girls to experience fatigue during the years of puberty. Their physical resources are being invested in a rapid growth process during that time, leaving less energy for other activities. This period doesn't last very long and is usually followed by the most energetic time of life.

I would suggest, first, that you schedule your daughter for a routine physical examination to rule out the possibility of a more serious explanation for her fatigue. If it does turn out to be a phenomenon of puberty, as I suspect, you should "go with the flow." See that she gets plenty of rest and sleep. This need is often not met because teenagers feel that they shouldn't have to go to bed as early as they did when they were children. Therefore, they stay up too late and then drag through the next day in a state of exhaustion. Surprisingly, a thirteen- or fourteen-year-old actually needs more rest than when he or she was nine or ten, simply because of the acceleration in growth.

In summary, your daughter is turning overnight from a girl into a woman. Some of the physical characteristics you are observing are part of the transformation. Do everything you can to facilitate it.

QUESTION: How can parents prepare their younger children for the assault on self-esteem that is almost certain to come in adolescence? That was a tough time for me, and I want it to be easier for my kids.

DR. DOBSON: Well, one important approach is to teach boys and girls valuable skills with which they can compensate in years to come. They can benefit from learning something that will serve as the centerpiece of their self-concept during the difficult years. This would include learning about basketball, tennis, electronics, art, music or even raising rabbits for fun and profit. It's not so much what you teach your child. The key is that he or she learns something with which to feel good when the whole world seems to be saying, "Who are you and what is your significance as a human being?"

The teenager who has no answer to those questions is left unprotected at a very vulnerable time of life. Developing and honing skills with which to compensate may be one of the most valuable contributions parents can make during the elementary school years. It may even be worth requiring your carefree kid to take lessons, practice, compete and learn something he or she will not fully appreciate for a few more years.

QUESTION: Should school children be required to wear clothes that they dislike?

DR. DOBSON: Generally not. Children are very concerned about the threat of being laughed at by their friends and will sometimes go to great lengths to avoid that danger. Conformity is fueled by the fear of ridicule. Teens, particularly, seem to feel, "The group can't laugh at me if I am identical to them." From this perspective, it's unwise to make a child endure unnecessary social humiliation. Children should be allowed to select their own clothes, within certain limits of budget and good taste.

QUESTION: Having a child diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can paint a pretty bleak picture. Is there anything good you can tell us?

DR. DOBSON: There are some advantages to having attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. In a sense, even the word disorder is misleading because the syndrome has many positive features. As Time reported, "(ADHD adults) see themselves as creative; their impulsiveness can be viewed as spontaneity; hyperactivity gives them enormous energy and drive; even their distractibility has the virtue of making them alert to changes in the environment. Kids with ADHD are wild, funny, effervescent. They have lots of life."

QUESTION: My sister's daughter went off to college at eighteen and immediately went a little crazy. She had always been a good kid, but when she was on her own, she drank like a lush, was sexually promiscuous, and flunked three of her classes. My daughter is only twelve, but I don't want her to make the same mistakes when she is beyond our grasp. How can I get her ready to handle freedom and independence?

DR. DOBSON: Well, you may already be twelve years late in beginning to prepare your daughter for that moment of release. The key is to transfer freedom and responsibility to her little by little from early childhood so she won't need your supervision when she is beyond it. To move suddenly from tight control to utter liberty is an invitation to disaster.

I learned this principle from my own mother, who made a calculated effort to teach me independence and responsibility. After laying a foundation during the younger years, she gave me a "final examination" when I was seventeen years old. Mom and Dad went on a two-week trip and left me at home with the family car and permission to have my buddies stay at the house. Wow! Fourteen slumber parties in a row! I couldn't believe it. We could have torn the place apart -- but we didn't. We behaved rather responsibly.

I always wondered why my mother took such a risk, and after I was grown, I asked her about it. She just smiled and said, "I knew in one year you would be leaving for college, where you would have complete freedom with no one watching over you. I wanted to expose you to that independence while you were still under my influence."

I suggest that you let your daughter test the waters of freedom occasionally as she's growing up, rather than tossing her into the big wide ocean all at once. It takes wisdom and tact to pull that off, but it can be done. If you do the job properly, the time of release in six or seven years will be a gentle transition rather than a cataclysmic event.

QUESTION: My two kids are as different as night and day. You'd never even know they were born to the same parents. One of them is having trouble in school, and the other is something of a superstar. I'm very worried about the one boy. Do some kids start out doing poorly and then catch fire?

DR. DOBSON: Thank goodness they often do. Let me give you an encouraging illustration. Several years ago I attended a wedding ceremony in a beautiful garden setting, and I came away with some thoughts about parents who are raising a child like yours.

After the minister had instructed the groom to kiss the bride on that day, approximately 150 colorful, helium-filled balloons were released into the blue California sky. Within a few seconds the balloons were just scattered all across the heavens, some of them rising hundreds of feet overhead and others cruising toward the horizon. A few balloons struggled to clear the upper branches of the trees while the show-offs became mere pinpoints of color on their journey to the sky.

How interesting, I thought, and how symbolic of children. Let's face it. Some boys and girls seem to be born with more helium than others. They catch all the right breezes, and they soar effortlessly to the heights, while others wobble dangerously close to the trees. Their frantic folks run along underneath, huffing and puffing to keep them airborne. It is an exhausting experience.