Q: I'm single and have a deep faith and a wonderful family. My problem is that every time I find a wonderful guy and he wants to marry me, I want something more and break it off. What advice can you give me?

Juli: Your situation brings up a very important question about expectations and what constitutes "settling" in marriage. On the one hand, there are certain aspects of a relationship and a potential spouse on which you should never compromise. These include character issues, the quality of your communication and trust, and holding to a similar faith. Frankly, if you have concerns about any of these areas, you probably shouldn't be in a serious dating relationship with that person.

If, on the other hand, the guy you are dating has great character and shares your faith, you have a strong foundation to begin asking the question, "Am I ready to spend the rest of my life with this person?" That's an intimidating question that could cause you to be a little too myopic.

No guy is going to be perfect -- that knight in shining armor. Marriage is about growing and maturing together. Through the commitment of marriage, you learn to love beyond what you receive and embrace through the other's weakness. That's the wonderful beauty of a lifelong love, but it also may be what is keeping you from saying, "Yes." The intimacy of marriage will reveal not only your potential spouse's vulnerability, but yours as well.

You mentioned that you have a wonderful family. You may want to look to them, and to good friends, as sounding boards. Do they say things like, "Wow. He's a great guy. Why did you let that one go?" If so, maybe the problem lies in your own fear of commitment and what marriage may demand of you. If that's not the case, keep looking, growing and praying.

Q: My wife and I have been happily married for three years, but we do have some pretty good arguments. I think it often comes down to simple miscommunication. Other than getting a degree in interpersonal dynamics, is there any way to help diffuse these situations?

Jim: Even the most blissfully in-love couples are going to butt heads. No degree will help you avoid that. Men and women are just wired differently!

That said, Dr. Harold Arnold, a counselor and relationship coach, has developed a great tool to help couples overcome their communication challenges. It's called the G.R.A.C.E. model.

The "G" in G.R.A.C.E. means GIVE your spouse the benefit of the doubt. When conflict arises, keep calm and don't assume your spouse is trying to push your buttons.

"R" means RISK being honest. Dr. Arnold says that without trust, spouses tend to protect themselves by not being vulnerable. As husbands and wives, we need to take the risk of sharing our needs with one another.

The "A" is a reminder to ACCEPT your spouse's feelings at face value. Take time to listen. If your spouse is angry, try to understand why.

Believe it or not, the "C" stands for COMPLAIN. But in this case, it means complain without criticizing. Wives can and should be honest without tearing their husbands down in the process. Similarly, if a husband is frustrated with something his wife is doing, he should say so. But he should do it without resorting to personal attacks.

Finally, the "E" in G.R.A.C.E. stands for EMBRACING your differences. You and your wife will never see everything eye to eye, and that's OK! Opposing viewpoints can actually enhance marriage, rather than tear it down. The key is finding a way to meet in the middle.

The next time you and your wife feel an argument coming on, try employing a little G.R.A.C.E.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.

Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com

Copyright 2011 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

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Q: Our son is going through a divorce, and it's a terrible thing to witness, especially since we still live in the same city. How can we, as his parents, support him during this process? We don't want to meddle.

Jim: We often read about the negative impact of divorce on young kids, but it's also difficult when parents have to watch their adult children go through the same thing. Dr. Robert Busha offers some good advice for parents in your situation.

First, if there's a chance the couple will seek counseling or reconciliation, encourage them to do so. Your stable wisdom could help save the marriage. However, if the decision to divorce has already been made, trying to get them to change their minds will only result in more heartache.

Dr. Busha also recommends evaluating your own role as a parent. Think about how you can be a positive influence and a healthy role model as your son works through the difficulties of child visitation, single parenthood and so on.

Also, it's understandable that you'd take your son's side when it comes to the divorce. But don't take it too far. Blame and bitterness toward his ex-wife will do nothing to help your son heal and move on. Set an example of what it means to forgive and forget.

Finally, be sure to set boundaries. Will you let your son move back home following the divorce? Will you offer financial assistance? The answers may vary depending on your son's situation, but it's important that you have firm guidelines in place. Offering too much help may impede his recovery in the long run.

By finding the right balance between being too involved and not being involved enough, you can help your son weather the aftermath of divorce. May God grant you wisdom in this difficult assignment.

Q: My husband needs to lose weight. I'm concerned about his health. I've tried to put him on a diet, I've dropped hints, and flat out told him to lose weight. Nothing seems to work! Any advice?

Juli: With over 60 percent of American adults overweight, your question is a common one. Weight obviously impacts health, longevity, lifestyle and attractiveness. It's no surprise that it can also take a toll on the marriage relationship.

The first step to helping your husband lose weight is to realize that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make him lose weight (or even want to do so). Many wives have attempted all of your strategies with similar results. Losing weight has to be his idea. The more he perceives it as your idea, the less likely he is to comply! In fact, he may go out of his way to prove that he is in control of his own choices.

Your best strategy is to have ONE caring conversation with him about his weight. Tell him that you are concerned about his health, but that you have been wrong to try to convince him to lose weight. You recognize that it is his health and his decision. Tell him that you love him the same no matter how much he weighs. Then, close your mouth about the topic.

Do your best to cook healthy meals and maintain an active lifestyle. But if he buys cookies and potato chips, leave him alone. No hints, jokes or cold shoulders. He's a grown man, not your child.

Your husband may never choose to change his eating or exercise habits. That's part of marriage. Our spouses sometimes make choices we don't agree with. This makes marriage the most difficult and amazing relationship in the world -- a commitment to love even in the midst of disagreement and disappointment.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.

Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com

Copyright 2011 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

International Copyright Secured. All Rights reserved.

Q: My uncle passed away recently and our family attended the funeral. This was my kids' (ages 2 and 4) first real experience with death, and I wasn't sure how to explain it to them. What's the best way to handle this subject with young children?

Jim: Whether it's the loss of a family member or news about another terrorist attack, our kids are going to be confronted with death. Author Candy Arrington has developed some great tips to help kids navigate the grieving process:

1) Teach your kids that death is a part of life. We often avoid this subject to protect our children. But we can use everyday occurrences -- wilting flowers, changing seasons, even the death of a pet -- to help them understand the reality.

2) Be honest, and don't delay sharing the news. Say "Uncle Tommy died last night," not "He's gone away" or "He went to sleep." These phrases lead to confusion and might even cause a child to wonder if he'll die when he goes to sleep!

3) Be ready to answer questions. Some kids are satisfied with the facts, but others will want to know more. Answer to the best of your ability.

4) Recognize your children's fears. Death can be a scary concept. We need to comfort and reassure our children at every opportunity.

5) Don't be afraid to let your kids see you grieve. It's OK to cry in front of them. They need to know that emotional pain is part of losing a loved one.

6) Finally, cherish the memories. Look through photo albums and tell fun stories from the past about your departed loved one.

When death occurs, kids will take their cues from their parents and model their reactions accordingly. It's much better for their emotional and spiritual health to talk about it openly than to sweep it under the rug.

Q: Our daughter is an only child. Due to medical reasons we cannot have any other children. Is there anything we can do to promote social skills, since she will not have siblings to interact with?

Juli: As frustrating as it can be to grow up with siblings (I have five!), they also provide a natural way to learn the basics of human interaction, including sharing, conflict resolution and communication. As an only child, your daughter does not have this automatically built into her home environment. However, there are a few things you can do to intentionally create opportunities for her to build peer relationships.

If you live near extended family, take advantage of that. Cousins can become almost as close as siblings. If there are no children in your family living locally, work hard to develop strong relationships with a few other families who have kids around your daughter's age. Choose families who have a similar philosophy of parenting and morality. Even in the midst of a handful of siblings, I also grew up with a best friend who was like a sister to me. We were constantly over at each other's house. Your daughter will also get exposure to other kids through school, playgroups and extracurricular activities.

The most important thing to remember in raising an only child is to maintain the generational boundary. It is easy to slide into treating an only child as a mini adult. With just three of you at home, the temptation is to become "the three musketeers" in making decisions and doing everything together. As much as you love her, she is not part of your marital unit. You are adults and she is a child. Be intentional about keeping it that way.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.

Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com

Copyright 2011 Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

International Copyright Secured. All Rights reserved.