Focus on the Family

Q: Our teen son seems obsessed with how he looks. He doesn't just try to Photoshop his selfies; he's actually almost panicked about his physique. Is that normal?

Jim: Most of us know that body image is a serious issue for teen girls. But many parents don't realize that more and more teen boys are susceptible to body image struggles, too. Having raised two sons myself, I can tell you it's a big deal.

Studies are tracing this growing problem to a cultural shift in recent decades that has redefined the ideal male body image. Professional athletes are bigger and stronger than they've ever been. Hollywood once portrayed superheroes as average guys in spandex. Now they're played by bodybuilders -- or even entirely computer generated. Today's teen boys are also under the spell of social media (read: Photoshopped selfies) and a marketing machine fueling the multibillion-dollar fitness industry.

The problem isn't that teen boys are aspiring to a level of physical fitness that's currently beyond them. An improvement in diet and exercise can be a great decision. But, as with girls, problems can arise when boys commit too much of their time, resources and emotional well-being to chasing results that may be unattainable.

If your son wants to hit the weights, don't discourage him entirely. Just know that body image problems aren't limited to girls. Watch for signs of an extreme diet, radical weight loss or excessive fatigue from too much time in the gym.

Most of all, help your son set reasonable boundaries that will influence him to find a good balance between his health and his body image.

Q: I've been dating a man from a different country. We're considering getting married; are there any special challenges we might face trying to build a successful marriage as an intercultural couple?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Whenever a man and a woman pledge themselves to one another for life, it should be a cause for celebration. That said, it's important to acknowledge and understand how contrasting customs and cultural backgrounds may impact your marriage and family life. The way you're brought up is the way you'll live unless you make a conscious choice to embrace another option.

Nationalistic, ethnic or social pride can drive a wedge between otherwise loving spouses. One partner may feel superior because he or she grew up in a "higher" socio-economic class. A spouse may feel "owed something" for having legalized the other's citizenship through matrimony. Pride also raises its head when one spouse believes the other's culture or beliefs are inferior.

As in any marriage, communication can be one of the biggest difficulties -- including the challenge of speaking different languages. Linguistic differences you normally enjoy can become an issue when misunderstandings occur or when the "foreign" language is spoken at family gatherings. Communication also affects the way a couple solves problems. Attitudes toward gender roles can play havoc with the relationship unless husbands and wives can turn conflicts into opportunities for learning and growth.

Another potential challenge is isolation. Broken family ties and friendships can haunt couples for the rest of their lives. This aspect of the situation needs to be weighed very carefully.

Here are five practical steps to handle racial and cultural differences in your marriage:

Educate yourself and your family about the other culture.

Challenge false beliefs.

Discuss the positives and negatives of your two cultures, and choose together which parts will best fit in your relationship.

Adjust and adapt to one another's cultures through compromise and communication.

Be patient and love unconditionally.

If you need help putting these concepts into practice, don't hesitate to give our counselors a call at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm adjusting to being a single mom, but I'm really worried about raising my 9-year-old son on my own. I feel inadequate. Do you have any advice?

Jim: Being a single parent is tough. Raising a boy can present some unique challenges for a single mother, so I want to encourage you: You can do this.

One of the most important things you can do is to surround yourself with a supportive community. That could be family, close friends or even people you know from work or church. The main thing is don't try to go it alone. You need people who will come alongside you when the going gets tough.

Not only do you need support, but so does your son. Every growing boy needs a male role model in his life who can be a positive influence. I know you're working hard to be your son's source of strength. But he needs to connect with a male figure who can set a good example of what it means to be a man. So ask a family member or a friend you trust if he'll spend some time with your son and mentor him.

I also recommend you take advantage of books and other resources that are available to help you navigate single parenting. You and your son are both in store for a lot of changes as he matures and develops. There is great information out there that can help you avoid some of the potholes you might otherwise hit. We can help; see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

I applaud your commitment to your son. Many days being a single mom is a thankless job. But with the right support and influence, I believe all of your dedication and hard work can eventually pay off. So hang in there!

Q: My husband and I can't agree on how to direct and discipline our children. We try to work together, but inevitably one of us will be more permissive while the other is stricter. Without going into who takes which approach, do you have any advice for deciding what's best?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Couples don't always agree about the best way to raise their children. My wife and I don't. But we learned a long time ago that we don't have to fight about which of our parenting styles is correct. Both of us play an important part in raising our kids.

That's a good thing for you and your spouse to remember as well. Opposites really do attract, and the impact isn't only felt in a marriage. It affects our parenting as well. The key is to understand your differences and learn to work together.

Usually, one parent is more of the "rule maker." Your style of parenting is probably more black and white. You love structure and think order and discipline are how to prepare children for the real world.

Many times the other parent is more of a "free spirit." Your style is probably more "gray area" -- friendly and relational. You focus on your child's feelings instead of the rules, and you tend to be more gentle and nurturing.

We often act like one of those parenting styles is right and one is wrong. That's a recipe for negative conflict. But parenting isn't about choosing one method over another. It's about blending the two together for a common goal -- raising a child who sees boundaries as freeing and relationships as essential. Children need the "rule maker's" limits, structure and discipline, but they also need the "free spirit's" nurturing, relational, laid-back attitude.

It will not be easy, but certainly worthwhile. It'll bring a healthy balance to your child's development.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our son is being held back a year in school -- we feel we've failed as parents. How do we help him adjust to repeating his grade level? What should we do if the other kids start to tease him about it?

Jim: It may be tough for him to see right now, but being held back in school isn't the end of the world. Also, childhood problems and struggles don't necessarily point to parental failure.

Failure is part of life, but too often adults try to put a positive spin on everything that happens to a child. It might be much more beneficial to allow this to be a character-building experience that teaches your son how to take defeat and disappointment in stride.

For an elementary school child, repeating a grade can be a great opportunity to nail down foundational skills. It can allow time to develop emotional intelligence and maturity. Status as an older (and possibly bigger, stronger) kid may also give him a social edge with his classmates. The experience is harder on a teenager, but if an extra year of work is what it takes to move forward, there's no permanent harm done.

In regard to teasing, to some extent children have to learn how to face such adversities on their own. Your son could try to enlist support from teachers or other school authorities. Meanwhile, do everything you can to bolster his confidence and reassure him of his value as a person. If his classmates call him "stupid," ask him if he believes it. Talk things through with him until he learns not to take insults and bullying to heart.

This is also a good time to determine why your child has been struggling in school. Learning styles, learning disabilities and relational or family conflicts all impact performance. Seeking help from a licensed professional, such as a learning-style specialist or family therapist, can help him get back on the road to success.

Our counseling staff would be happy to discuss this situation with you over the phone; call 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: As a newly single-again person, I've decided to try online dating. I thought it would make things easier, but it's overwhelming! I can't even decide where to start.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many singles try online dating sites for one simple reason -- they feel they need more choices than they're finding through traditional dating. After all, we've been conditioned to think "the more choices the better," right?

Well, a lot of online daters are discovering the same thing: Too many choices can be as big a problem as not enough. After months of clicking through hundreds of dating profiles, they feel less capable of making a decision than when they started.

That indecisiveness is so common that researchers have coined a term for it: "decision paralysis." When you have unlimited choices, the fear that you'll make a wrong decision can paralyze you from making any decision at all. Before long, your hopes for romance can be lost to anxiety and unhappiness.

But there are a couple of practical solutions for conquering decision paralysis. The first is to stick with traditional dating (at least partially) and allow the availability of people within your social circles to naturally restrict your options.

But if you like the benefits of online dating, tap into the decision-making filters you rely on every day. Character trumps appearance; narrow your choices based on character traits that matter most to you. Or trust a dating service to select people with whom you're most compatible.

Either way, move carefully and prayerfully, taking time to really get to know prospective dates in various settings. For more insights into purposeful single living, see Boundless.org.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.