Q: I always struggle this time of year with the whole Thanksgiving thing. I know I should be more grateful than I am. How can I get a better handle on this?

Jim: We could all use a little more gratitude. The good news is that more is available to all of us. We just have to choose to be grateful.

That's what Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott said after reviewing a mountain of research about gratitude spanning 15 years. They concluded that happiness has a lot more to do with our choices than with our circumstances. We can control the shape of our own happiness by choosing gratitude.

That will come as a surprise to a lot of people, but research backs it up. According to the data, about 50 percent of our happiness is biological. That is, we each have a baseline of happiness that's natural to us. We'll swing a little this way or that, but we usually come back to our set point. Roughly 10 percent of happiness is due to our circumstances.

That means 40 percent -- nearly half of our happiness -- is determined by where we focus our attention ... on the positive or on the negative. The Wall Street Journal has even pointed to studies that show adults who choose to feel grateful have more energy, more optimism and more social connections than those who don't -- all of which are contributors to happiness. They're also less likely to be depressed, envious or greedy. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and are sick less often.

Gratitude is key to a happy life. And it's there for the taking. You have to choose to see it -- and it starts with focusing on (and appreciating) what you do have instead of lamenting what you don't.

Q: I've been married for about five months. This is our first holiday season together, and I'm shocked at how stressed my wife is getting about Thanksgiving dinner. My family never made a big deal of it. What am I supposed to do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A big part of marriage is learning to adapt and compromise. One of the first areas where many couples need to apply this in practice is when the holidays roll around.

You already identified that the differences in how you and your wife were raised make a tangible impact on how you each see this issue. It sounds like she might come from a family that puts elaborate effort and preparation in to what could be the main social gathering of the year. Maybe it's the one time when all the relatives get together -- which could be good or bad, depending on the dynamics. However it plays out, clearly she's grown up with some pretty steep expectations for the season. Meanwhile, you may have come from a home where some turkey, football and a nap made for a satisfying holiday for all concerned.

The important thing to do is talk about it. Listen carefully to your wife and determine why she feels the pressure. Then dialogue about the extent to which those expectations might be realistic for the two of you. If she finds real fulfillment in preparing and hosting a classic Thanksgiving meal, invite some friends over and make a day of it. But if she's reluctantly trying to match Grandma's epic culinary extravaganzas, reassure her that your love for her doesn't depend on the size of the feast.

Over time, you can reach a happy balance. Sometimes leftovers will suffice. Other times you'll want to step up the celebration. Pro tip: You should definitely help in the kitchen -- or at least with cleanup afterward.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've always wanted to be a positive influence on people. I used to have time to volunteer, but since my wife got sick last year, I just don't have the margin. How can I still make an impact when most of my energy goes to caring for her?

Jim: Let me emphasize that I think you are making an impact on others -- perhaps greater than you know.

After I broke my ankle in a motorcycle accident, I was in either my bed or my recliner for weeks. My wife had to help me with everything from glasses of water to navigating the stairs. Watching her, I discovered that even simple requests can become a burden when you feel like you're needed all day, every day. And I was only off my feet for 13 weeks.

That's why my heart goes out to those who take care of a spouse who's ill. Your love and commitment should inspire the rest of us. Every day you're honoring your vows that say "the two shall become one." You're taking on their struggles as your own.

You're also teaching us how to respond with love and grace when life doesn't go our way. No couple knows ahead of time what "in sickness and in health" will mean until one of you actually gets sick. You won't know what "for better or for worse" means until your spouse does something unlovable, and you choose to stay committed to your marriage anyway.

Sooner or later, we're all forced to answer the question, "What is my marriage really about?" The couples that last are the ones that say, "Marriage is about commitment when it counts and love put into action." So, thank you -- by caring for an ill spouse, you're reminding the rest of us what honoring marriage really looks like. That's a positive influence.

Q: Yesterday I overheard one of my son's friends say, "Text me on my burner phone." When I asked them what a burner phone is, they quickly changed the subject. Can you tell me what they're talking about?

Adam Holz, Plugged In: You may not know it, but if you've seen a spy movie recently, you already know what a burner phone is.

A burner phone is a cheap, low-tech mobile device with an anonymous phone number -- one that can't be tracked back to its user. Its cloak-and-dagger-sounding moniker comes from the fact that a burner phone can be casually disposed of -- "burned" -- if it's at risk of unwanted discovery. In other words, it's a disposable phone. Unlike smartphones with their big screens, sensitive personal information and expensive data plans, burner phones harken back to earlier days of more "primitive" cell phones, when mobile technology primarily focused on calling and texting others.

Today, these so-called "feature phones" (never mind that they're devoid of most features we now expect!) can be had for next to nothing. Buy a prepaid usage card for minutes and/or texts, and you're good to go. (Or, alternately, an old, discarded smartphone without a data plan can be used similarly anywhere there's a Wi-Fi connection.)

It's not hard to see why spies, drug dealers or other ne'er-do-wells might want a stash of such throwaway gizmos. On the home front, though, it's equally easy to see how a burner phone could be exploited by teens who want a secret mobile connection -- even if it's just for texting. Wondering why Jimmy or Jenny didn't pitch a nuclear-meltdown fit when you confiscated his or her smartphone? A secret burner phone may be the reason.

Kids today are often on the forefront of technological trends like this one. To stay up to date yourself, see PluggedIn.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I don't want much -- just a comfortable life. I work diligently and want to enjoy the fruits of my labor without hassle. Is it too much to ask for a simple existence without pain and hardship?

Jim: No other generation in history has enjoyed the level of comfort that we do today. But all that luxury comes at a high cost -- and I'm not just talking about dollars and cents. I'm talking about wisdom. Technology has made our lives so easy that we're losing it.

Comfort and leisure have become our highest pursuits in life. We chase them, and then we desperately cling to them once we get them. We'll do anything to avoid discomfort. And therein lies the problem. You see, past generations knew something that we're forgetting: Wisdom is more important than short-term comfort.

Look at the Book of Proverbs, the most popular collection of wisdom in history. It was written by a culture that believed that wisdom was the highest pursuit in life -- not money, not comfort, not luxury. The proverbs repeatedly tell us that wisdom usually requires a little pain. The path from here to there is never a straight line. You make decisions -- you get stuff wrong. Hopefully you learn from your mistakes and do better next time.

The trouble is that we want wisdom, but we don't want pain. I like nice things as much as anybody. But I don't want my desire for comfort to win out over my desire to do what's right. That's how you build a better marriage, become a better parent or make better career choices. You live with the courage to do what's right.

So enjoy your comfort -- but don't run from pain and difficulty. There's wisdom to be found there.

Q: My wife and I try to take regular date nights. The last couple have turned awkward because we ended up arguing over issues we've been facing. Should we just forget date nights until we get things sorted out?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Letting conflict invade your recreation is like throwing a red shirt into the washer with white clothes. Even though it's just one small shirt, it can destroy an entire load of laundry by turning it pink (I might have some personal experience in this area). Likewise, even though you may be discussing just one tiny issue, if it's allowed to enter into your relaxation, the entire experience can be damaged.

Conflict can be destructive to your fun times, because it intensifies negative emotions. Painful memories flood into your awareness, and you both may become frustrated. As this happens, it becomes virtually impossible to relax and enjoy each other. If this pattern repeats too often, your mate may lose the desire to do fun things because the experience ends up turning "pink."

Before your enjoyment is destroyed, interrupt arguments or sensitive discussions by agreeing to talk about the issue at a later time. Reschedule the conversation when you can provide the necessary attention it deserves -- and when it won't mess up the fun time you've got planned. Simply say, "Let's not do this right now. How about we talk about that issue later when we're back at home?"

The key is that you must deal with the conflict issue later, or your spouse won't trust that you'll ever talk about it again. Instead, she'll express those negative feelings during your date -- because her past experience has been that it'll be the only opportunity.

By not allowing conflict to harm your recreation, you're sending a very important message: "Our relationship is more important than impulsively arguing about a problem."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.