Focus on the Family

Q: I always hear "peace on earth" this time of year, but I'm beginning to wonder if that's even possible -- there's so much conflict in our world. I want to teach my children (and learn myself) to be kind and sensitive to others. At the same time, I find myself cynically wondering if it even matters. What are your thoughts?

Jim: Your question makes me think of a popular quote that has been attributed to a variety of people, but actually traces to Reverend John Watson, a Scottish author and theologian who lived the majority of his life during the second half of the nineteenth century.

In 1897, Reverend Watson was invited by the popular religious newspaper The British Weekly to submit a Christmas message. Using his pen name "Ian MacLaren," he responded with a single sentence:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

At the time, the paper editorialized and said, "No message is more needed in our days of stress and storm, of selfish striving and merciless competition." Remember -- this was in 1897!

It's easy to romanticize the past, especially the times in which we've never lived, and to think things were pretty close to ideal back then, especially when compared to the modern challenges of today. But the reality is often otherwise.

Every era has its own challenges, of course. I think this is what led the writer of Ecclesiastes to state rather poetically, "What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun" (1:9).

I believe it's good to remind ourselves that things are not always as they seem on the surface. A co-worker who comes to work each morning with a smile on their face may very well be struggling in their marriage or might be dealing with a wayward child. The neighbor you happily wave to each day may have just lost a parent or received unfavorable medical test results. That person in line ahead of you at the store or airport could be dealing with a lifetime of hidden pain.

A city of a million people has a million stories, because "... everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

The Christmas season, in all its assumed merriment, can be a challenging time of year for hurts of the heart. So I'd like to encourage you to always make the effort to reach out in kindness -- even if it doesn't seem like it will matter.

Meanwhile, don't forget the context of those words "peace on earth, goodwill to men." They're pivotal in the true story of Christmas. And the world-changing message is this: In a specific place, at a specific time, our Creator stepped into the middle of our human mess with the answer to all our conflicts and troubles. In our limited smallness, we can't fix those things ourselves. But He can. Our role is to point others to Him, and that starts with kindness.

Christmas actually provides us with an opportunity to extend an extra measure of kindness. It doesn't have to be fancy or significant. It's the thought that counts. As the world seems to grow more cold and more coarse with each passing day, a kind response can provide the antidote and balm to help soothe the burns of the world.

So, remember this quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Finally, maybe that someone is YOU. We have a staff of caring people (including licensed counselors) available to listen and help; see FocusOnTheFamily.com or call 800-A-FAMILY (800-232-6459).

May God bless you and your loved ones this Christmas.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We're traveling for Christmas with our two small children; it will be their first airline flight. Do you have any suggestions to make it easier?

Jim: Traveling with little ones can be a challenge, especially at Christmas. My friend Shawna Purvis is a full-time flight attendant for a major airline; her husband, Ryan, is a commercial pilot. Shawna was kind enough to offer some suggestions for this question:

-- Avoid surprises at the airport

Go online prior to packing and check the airline's specific baggage policies. Some airlines exempt military families from baggage fees; others allow car seats and strollers to be checked for free.

-- Dress in layers

Cabin temperature can fluctuate wildly. Layers allow you to shed when you (and the kids) are too hot and bundle up when you're too cold.

-- Plan child-friendly entertainment

A movie or game on your phone or tablet is a good idea (don't forget headphones!). But have a back-up plan. Before the trip, go to a bargain store and buy a toy or two for each hour of travel. Your children will love playing with new toys, and you won't care if the toys accidentally get left behind on the airplane. (Remember to open packages at home; there are no scissors on the plane.)

-- Consider bringing a favorite snack/pillow/blanket

Long gone are the days of airlines providing free pillows, blankets and meals.

-- Prepare for popped-ear pain

Lollipops are good for plugged ears as well as little mouths that won't stop chattering.

-- Manners really do matter

Even if you had a bad experience with TSA or the gate agent, the flight attendant is a different person. If you set a positive tone with them, they'll be more willing to help you out as much as they're allowed.

-- Ease the airport pickup

Picking someone up during the Christmas season can be a hassle. Try meeting your party at the departure area of the airport. The lineup of cars is usually a lot shorter.

Q: My in-laws are coming to our house for Christmas. I'll admit that my relationship with them isn't the best. Do you have any pointers for at least trying to keep the tension to a minimum?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Even if we don't have difficulties relating to our in-laws, we've probably at least heard stories about a meddling mother-in-law or an obnoxious member of the extended family. No matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to make a connection with these people.

The first thing that comes to mind is a verse written by the Apostle Paul: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). The only attitude you can control is your own.

I also think of the book, "Loving Your Relatives: Even When You Don't See Eye-to-Eye." The authors recommend embracing a few simple rules of civility. For example:

-- Always remember to smile (and not through gritted teeth). People generally respond better to someone who's smiling.

-- Make sure you're considerate and practice restraint. Never raise your voice.

-- Have the courage to admit when you're wrong, and never ridicule or demean the other person.

-- Try to see things from their perspective.

-- Be accepting and understanding of your in-laws' shortcomings -- and recognize that you have your own faults and hang-ups as well.

These are good rules to keep in mind when dealing with difficult people in any situation, not just your in-laws. But they're especially important in a situation like this Christmas when you're "stuck" with people you'd perhaps rather avoid.

No matter how frustrating things get, remember to be civil. It just might start to thaw the ice between you and your in-laws.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: We're still a few weeks out from Christmas and (once again) we've already blown our budget. I sometimes wonder if it will take until next Christmas to get this Christmas paid off! I guess this year is kind of a wash, but next year I want to be more disciplined. Do you have any helpful suggestions?

Jim: It seems like this is a common refrain for many people. It's not necessarily "too late" this year -- but going forward, there are a few simple ideas to bear in mind that'll help keep debt from ruining your Christmas spirit.

First of all, guard against overindulgence. Sometimes we don't hold back on our spending because we look forward to our children's smiles on Christmas morning. But it's important to give our kids realistic expectations so they won't expect loads of presents under the tree. Set your Christmas budget at a reasonable level, and don't feel guilty about it. If you know you already overextended this year, it might be worth returning a few purchases for refunds now if you can.

Looking ahead, try this next year: Put aside a little bit of cash each month for a fixed Christmas budget. That way, when the shopping season rolls around, you'll have a good head start.

Another idea is to let your children know the family can't afford to do everything that everybody might want to. Then encourage them to think of fun activities everyone can do together. Maybe the kids can miss school one day and help bake cookies. Or make some hot chocolate and explore the neighborhood as a family to see how other homes are decorated. Your kids will have great ideas too, and it'll turn the entire season into a celebration.

So get creative. I can promise you a Christmas of family fun will be much more memorable than a pile of gifts everyone will soon forget.

Q: I'm looking for a simple, basic way to improve my relationship with my spouse. What would you suggest?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Let's be honest: Like anything else worthwhile in life, a good marriage takes work. If you really want to improve your relationship, "simple and basic" is a decent start -- but don't just settle for "easy."

In that context, the spoken word is incredibly powerful in marriage. Our words can either strip our relationship of its life and vitality or help it blossom and thrive for years to come.

Many couples fall into an unhealthy pattern of speaking harsh and insensitive words. We all tend to get pent up with all the little irritations that accumulate throughout the day. Then we get home, and those frustrations spill over onto the easiest target -- usually our spouse.

If that sounds like your marriage, the good news is it doesn't have to be that way. With a little forethought and effort, you can use your words for an entirely different purpose. You can learn the art of affirming your mate.

Now, don't misunderstand. By "affirmation," I don't mean sweet talk or manipulative flattery. I'm suggesting that you make a concerted effort to look for the good in your spouse and nurture your husband or wife with your words.

Ladies: Does your husband like to work on projects around the house? Take a moment to commend him on his craftsmanship and attention to detail. Guys: Does your wife have a unique way of surprising the kids with special outings and fun games? Why not praise her for it? There are a million different ways you can do it. But whatever you do, build each other up instead of tearing each other down.

For more help building a stronger marriage, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.