Q: The past couple of months have been so hard for everyone. Beyond the immediate thought of "just get through it," I'm struggling to grasp a lesson out of this time. What's your take?

Jim: We're probably all guilty of taking our blessings for granted. So, I think the biggest challenge we face may be to live every moment focused on what truly matters. For example, each time a natural disaster occurs, I listen to the wisdom of those who survive. These good folks stand in the rubble of their lives and, almost without exception, share the same perspective about what's really important. Though they've lost everything from a material standpoint, they express deep gratitude that their loved ones are safe.

That type of reaction makes sense. After all, tragedy has a unique way of bringing clarity into our lives. But I'm troubled that it often takes a crisis for us to see clearly. We get distracted, and family priorities soon begin to erode. For example, studies have shown that on average, fathers spend less than 60 seconds in daily conversation with each of their children!

Our culture constantly offers a skewed idea of what's valuable, and we buy into that hype far too easily. Parents work longer and harder in a never-ending quest for bigger houses, newer cars and the latest technology. Eventually, the "stuff" of life overshadows what really matters, while time with our family dwindles away.

When crisis rocks our lives at a foundational level, we need something to comfort us that goes even deeper. There are only two things in life that we can count on to do that -- the love and support of family and friends, and, most importantly, the bedrock of faith. Nothing besides love and an eternal perspective can reach into our suffering and bring us true comfort.

Q: No matter where we have turned these past weeks -- TV, internet, social media -- it's just nonstop bad news all the time. I'm concerned about how such things impact my kids. Do you have any advice?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: This world can be a scary place. Even "normally," media is constantly filled with bad news -- from acts of violence to natural disasters to (now) a pandemic. It's tough enough to deal with these tragedies as adults, let alone talk to our children about them.

While parents shouldn't draw attention to every troubling event in the news, some are so widely publicized they can't be avoided. In those circumstances, it's a good idea to proactively talk to your kids using age-appropriate language. In as simple terms as possible, explain that hurt and pain are parts of our world. But strongly reassure them that you'll always do everything in your power to protect them. Remind them that dedicated people (first responders, medical professionals, law enforcement, military) stand ready to help us. Most of all, model faith and hope in God.

Keep in mind, too, that physical touch is an important part of these conversations. When children are feeling uncertain, a parent's hug can go a long way toward calming their fears.

It's important to invite your kids to share what's on their heart as well. Allow them to question or comment, but don't overload them with information. Be sure to limit exposure to ongoing coverage, particularly graphic video images. Finally, remember that various personality types and ages handle such events differently. Many children want to know how it all applies to their own lives, if they are safe and what they can do to help.

Helping kids navigate troubling news isn't easy, but caring, faithful parents can be a key source of strength, comfort and security. For more, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Do you have any advice for an older couple who have long-term custody of their grandchildren? Our two young grandkids are living with us and probably will be for some time.

Jim: First, I commend you and thank you for having the courage to assume the responsibility of giving your grandchildren a loving, stable and family-centered home life. I can only scratch the surface here of what your question deserves, but here are a few thoughts.

You've likely already recognized that raising kids can be a very different proposition when it's tackled for the second time in midlife. Your energy levels aren't what they were back in your 20s and 30s, and you might even be dealing with health issues of your own. So, remember that if you don't take care of yourselves, you won't be in any condition to take care of the kids.

You'll need a strong support system. Don't let the renewed demands of parenting cut you off from existing friends, neighbors or family members who understand what you're facing and can come alongside you. Admit your limits and seek some outside help. One way to do this is to join a support group through church, social club or even local government programs.

Never feel guilty about getting away for a break. Taking some time off for yourself is not a sign of weakness, and it will help you (and the children) more than you may realize. Hire a sitter, and/or swap out caregiving with another family. Take advantage of day-care centers, summer camps, church youth groups, after-school clubs, sports programs, etc.

Finally, I'd strongly recommend connecting with a professional counselor on a semi-regular basis. Whatever was involved in you getting custody of your grandkids, there was likely some sort of difficult or even traumatic experience. I invite you to start by calling Focus on the Family's counseling department at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: After years of being single, I looked forward to being married because I thought I would finally be happy. That's what marriage is all about, right? So why isn't it working -- why don't I feel happy about being married?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: We've all heard: "...and they lived happily ever after." It's the stuff of fairy tales and the hope of every couple standing at a wedding altar. But I don't think it's wise to make happiness the primary goal of marriage. In fact, I think it's unrealistic.

Here's the problem. Happiness is a fickle emotion. It comes and goes with nearly every change of our circumstances. When good things happen, we're happy. When bad things happen, we're not. That's why there's one thing you can count on: Our spouse cannot make us happy all the time. No matter how hard they try, over the course of life, they'll disappoint us sometimes.

There's also a deeper issue to consider: Making my own happiness the primary goal for marriage shows I'm in the relationship for me -- for what I can get out of it. Simply put, seeking to gratify ourselves at the expense of our spouse will destroy a relationship.

Now, I'm not suggesting we shouldn't want to be happy in our marriage. We certainly can be happy. But that shouldn't be our primary goal. True happiness comes from a deep commitment to place the needs of our spouse above our own.

That said, in order to sacrificially serve our mate, we need to ensure we have something to give. So, seek a balance with things that recharge you and allow you to love your spouse from a store of abundance. When a husband and wife devote themselves to each other in this way, they'll truly live happily ever after.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I know several couples who have gotten divorced when we all thought they were perfectly matched. But others have stuck together when I thought there was no way they would. Why do you think some marriages work and some don't?

Jim: I heard an analogy a while back that I think illustrates the point. It's about the trees in the Cascade Range. The majority of these trees are hundreds of years old. It seems amazing they've survived so long when you consider that forests in the American West are under constant threat of fire from lightning strikes. Every year, thousands of acres of trees are killed by fires sparked by lightning.

So, why do trees in the Cascades keep growing strong for centuries? Well, that area of Washington State routinely experiences drenching rains. The lightning still comes, but the trees remain safe because the forest is saturated with water.

The application to marriage is simply this: Every marriage will be struck by lightning of some kind -- whether it be financial trouble, a longstanding illness or some other hardship. Many marriages erupt into flames while others survive the challenges -- or even thrive through them. The primary difference is the absence or the presence of drenching rain. In marriage, drenching rain is found in things like good communication, the willingness to forgive and taking the time to laugh together. It's the proactive commitment to love each other through every season.

Drenching your marriage with love takes time and sacrifice. But no matter who you are, the storms will come. So, protect your marriage from the lightning and flames. Let it rain, and your relationship can survive for decades.

Focus on the Family has plenty of resources to help. And if your relationship is nearing (or at) a breaking point, our Hope Restored® program has an exceptional success rate in healing troubled marriages. Visit HopeRestored.FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: How can I help my child break out of her shyness?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Shyness is not a bad thing, and many kids end up learning how to manage their shy personality as they get older. However, there are some children who are excessively (even excruciatingly) hesitant to speak because they're insecure and scared. Shy kids often overthink because they're afraid they'll say "the wrong thing."

As a child-and-family therapist and school social worker, I've helped many parents of kids who struggle to speak and socialize freely. Here are some practical steps I've found valuable:

Ask your child what they experience when they feel shyness. What do they see, hear, feel? What do they think is demanded from them in the situations they encounter? Is there another way to look at these scenarios?

Help your child make observations rather than assumptions. What do they see around them when they feel shy? Do they feel the need to be perfect? Where did they get that assumption?

Proactively discuss when/how shyness becomes a problem. For instance, does shyness:

Prevent them from meeting new people?

Keep them from sharing their thoughts with others?

Restrict them from spending time with friends or peers?

Cause them to be self-critical or critical of others?

Provide challenges and celebrations:

Encourage kids to share their thoughts without calculating every potential angle.

Help them work through the worst-case scenario of opening up -- and how unlikely that result actually is.

Encourage your child to write their thoughts in a journal then read them aloud to you to practice offering their perspective.

As your child gains confidence in sharing their thoughts -- or at least starting with a friendly smile -- celebrate successes with dinner out or other special experiences.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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