Q: My financial portfolio has taken a huge hit in recent months. I'm trying to keep a good perspective; after all, "money is the root of all evil," right? But I'm still struggling with the idea that everything I have leaned on for security is in jeopardy. Do you have any advice?

Jim: First, let's correct that Biblical quote. The Apostle Paul actually said, "The love of money is a root of [much] evil." Money itself isn't bad -- but our desire for it often leads us astray. In context, that sentence comes in the middle of a discussion of contentment which begins: "godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy chapter 6).

Contentment is the ability to say, "Enough is enough," whereas the love of money almost always translates into a quest for more and more. The more you have, the more you crave, and the more you fear that someone or something may take it away from you. That's why greed and anxiety are constant companions. Together they create a state of mind that's the exact opposite of being content. Contentment has been described as "looking back without regret, looking at the present without envy and looking to the future without fear."

Contentment has everything to do with your relationships -- with God and other people -- and nothing to do with your money. In essence, it's recognizing that true security comes from connection with something bigger and longer lasting than a bank account. Once you're free from the love of money and the relentless pursuit of wealth, you can have a lot or a little and be content at the same time. That's the secret of satisfaction, sufficiency and inner peace.

If you can see your life in this light and learn to embrace your situation, whatever it may be, with satisfaction and joy, then the richest man in the world has nothing on you. That's what the apostle means when he says that godliness with contentment is great gain.

Q: Is it appropriate to ask my kids how I'm doing as a parent?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: As moms and dads, we all have strengths and weaknesses. One of the best ways to identify points of improvement is to ask our kids.

As a therapist, I've found that some moms and dads feel threatened at the idea of receiving input from anyone, let alone their kids. They feel that feedback from children brings their authority and/or competency into question. But when it can be done in a healthy way, a family check-in is well worth it.

Check-ins simply involve asking your kids how things are going and whether there is anything getting in the way of your relationship with your children.

If you ask your kids, "How am I doing as a dad/mom?" chances are you'll hear the typical answer -- "fine." Having a list of specific check-in questions to guide conversation is very helpful.

A great one to begin with is: "What's it like to be with me?" Additional questions I've taught families over the years in my private practice include:

-- What has been going well (or not) for you this past week/month? How about for us as a family?

-- What do you need from me to make things better in our home this week/month?

-- Have I been listening to and understanding you well?

Another option is to use the following list of habits of healthy, thriving families to help you develop your own check-in questions. These behaviors include:

-- Spending time together

-- Sharing laughter and playfulness

-- Eating meals together

-- Taking part in prayer and self-reflection

-- Engaging in conversation

Be creative in developing your own set of questions. And don't be afraid of constructive feedback.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've always had a tendency to worry, but it's gotten worse in recent weeks with everything that has happened in the world. I know worrying doesn't help -- what I need to know is how to stop. Help?

Jim: Let's begin by defining some terms. It will help to know exactly what we're talking about before attempting to suggest solutions or cures.

Fear is an intense emotional reaction to a legitimate, present danger.

Anxiety is an intense emotional reaction, usually of dread, to a perceived, anticipated or future danger.

Worry is a nontechnical, nonclinical term for anxiety.

Panic is a negative behavioral reaction to being overwhelmed by fear or anxiety.

Obsession is a persistent, often unwanted flooding of thoughts that is very difficult to control.

Obsession (or even panic) is best addressed with professional assistance; more on that in a moment. But if you're just a garden-variety "worrier," our staff counselors suggest several things you can do to help free yourself from the thoughts and imaginations that seem to be taking possession of your mind.

The first step is to recognize that worry is basically a habit. It's a pattern of thinking that can be summed up in the phrase, "What if?" The problem with "what if" thinking is that it shifts your focus. It pulls you into the future and away from the present. Present-tense fear says, "The house is burning! Run!" Future-oriented worry, on the other hand, says, "What if the house starts to burn tonight when we're all asleep?" It debilitates and paralyzes effective action because it gets the mind stuck on things that haven't yet happened and may never come to pass.

At the most basic level, you need to remind yourself that you can only live in the present moment. There is no alternative. Once you've convinced yourself of this fundamental truth, the challenge is to find practical ways to keep your attention focused on the situation immediately at hand.

Here's a simple technique that you may find helpful. Write the following four questions on an index card:

What are five colors I see right now?

What are five sounds I hear right now?

What are five things I physically feel right now (not emotions, but sensations like "the wind in my hair")?

What do I need to be doing -- or thinking about -- right now?

Place the card on your nightstand or dresser. When you wake up, go over the four questions to get your brain going in a new direction. After naming those five colors, sounds and sensations, ask yourself what you need to do the moment your feet hit the floor. Go to the bathroom? Put on your robe? Make the coffee? Once you have the answer, go and do that one thing. Don't try to handle the rest of the day right now. Don't get sucked into "what if" thinking. Just make the coffee.

Take your index card with you wherever you go. Review the four questions three to five times a day. Read them again when you get ready for bed at night. Enjoy going to bed instead of fretting about tomorrow. Practice keeping yourself in the moment.

It won't come easy in the beginning, but hang in there. With patience and a little help from the people who care about you, you can change.

If you think it might be helpful to discuss these suggestions at greater length, our staff counselors would consider it a privilege to speak with you over the phone. They can also provide you with a list of referrals to trained therapists practicing in your area. You can contact our counseling department at 855-771-HELP (4357) for a free consultation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: It's apparent that some people seem to be handling the recent societal upheaval better than others. Whatever it is they have, I want it. Do you have any thoughts?

Jim: Let me start with a hometown illustration. If you visit Colorado Springs and ask for directions, there's a good chance you'll hear something like this: "Head toward the mountains and take a right." Our city's entire western border is the Rocky Mountains. Not only are the peaks beautiful, they're how we locals find our way around here. You can always get to where you want to go by figuring out where you are in relation to the mountains.

You probably do something similar where you live. You judge your location according to a landmark -- usually something like a water tower or a tall building.

Here's the point: An unchanging, fixed point of reference can help you do a lot more than find your way around town. It can help you find your way through life, too.

Even under "normal" circumstances, everything about the world around us is constantly changing: from fashion to technology to opinions about what's right and wrong. And of course, recent events have knocked the props out from under the things that many people have turned to for security and meaning.

That's a lot of upheaval and confusion. So, my advice is to head toward the mountains and take a right. In other words, steady yourself in a world of confusion by anchoring yourself in values that are eternal and unchanging.

As a Christian, I find that fixed reference point in my close relationship with the One who created me and stands above anything I will ever encounter in this life. You can find that, too. We have resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I have really struggled emotionally the past couple of months as our lives have been disrupted. I know I've been taking it all out on my husband. How can I change this pattern?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Think about the preflight safety instructions the attendant gives on an airliner: If the oxygen masks deploy, put yours on first before helping others. In other words, appropriate self-care positions you to care for others.

Now, with that background: Our emotions are like water in a glass. Normally, you wouldn't fill a glass to the brim. You'd leave a bit of room for the water to slosh around. If you get bumped, some water might spill out ... but that's OK. It's not a big problem. Now, imagine the glass filled to overflowing. You have a problem. The water is spilling everywhere and making a mess. If you tried pouring more water in the glass, you'd only make an even bigger mess.

Our emotions -- like the water in the glass -- spill over when life overwhelms us. Emotional self-care is learning when to turn off the water before the glass overflows.

Think about all the challenges you've faced during the past few weeks. Is your glass full? Is it overflowing with stress and negative emotions? Sometimes those emotions spill over into your marriage and affect your relationship with your spouse. That's why emotional self-care is important.

Self-care is about two things: doing what brings you rest and doing what brings you life. For example, putting puzzles together, reading or having a deep conversation might give you rest -- while something as simple as taking a walk can bring you life. Self-care can also include day-to-day activities such as:

-- Recognizing negative thoughts and challenging them with truth

-- Breathing deeply to relax

-- Praying and meditating on Scripture

-- Exercising

If your emotional "glass" is full-to-overflowing, appropriate self-care can help you drain a little off the top.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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