Q: My spouse's substance abuse and drug addiction has had a devastating impact on our marriage and family. I feel as if I've just about reached the end of my rope. Help!

Jim: Perhaps it will encourage you to know that you're not alone. Drug abuse affects men and women from every age group, every socioeconomic class and all walks of life. In nearly every case it's rooted in the basic human craving for attachment and relationship. Addicts attempt to fill those gaps (real or perceived) and medicate the aching emptiness.

Because drugs and other addictive substances change the chemistry of the brain, addiction is something more than a vicious and self-perpetuating cycle. It's actually a physiologically based problem that can be extremely difficult to resolve. That's important to remember when seeking to help a loved one who has fallen prey to chemical dependency.

The good news is that effective help is available. I suggest that you and your spouse begin by seeking professional counseling -- and do this together. Generally speaking, weekly one-on-one counseling isn't sufficient to deal with an addiction of the intensity you've described. But a substance abuse counselor could be tremendously helpful in setting up an effective intervention and arranging a specific treatment option prior. The objective would be to persuade your spouse to agree to a program of in-patient treatment. Once this treatment is complete, the counselor could also participate in the follow-up plan.

For more specific guidance, I invite you to call our counseling department for a free consultation: 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Also, you might consider contacting the Lighthouse Network (lighthousenetwork.org), a clearinghouse for substance abuse referrals. They can help you locate a facility in your area that will help your spouse take positive steps in the direction of recovery. They can also provide information about insurance companies who are prepared to work with these facilities.

Q: How do I tell my young children (ages eight, seven and four) that their grandparents -- my husband's mom and dad – are splitting up as a result of Grandpa's involvement with another woman? These grandparents live out of state, so we only see them every few months. How do we explain that Grandma and Grandpa won't be together anymore?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: Children at this age don't have the capacity to understand the complexities of sexual infidelities and marital affairs. So, it would be wise to avoid getting into details except on a need-to-know basis. Here are a few tips:

-- Keep your comments as calm, genuine and generic as possible. For example, "Grandpa made some poor decisions that are hurtful to Grandma's feelings and their marriage."

-- Be honest with your children about how you as adults feel about what has happened -- but avoid throwing grown-up feelings onto the kids. Don't make your problem into the child's problem. Instead, say something like: "I feel ____, and this is what I'm doing about it."

-- Talk about coping with change without necessarily liking it. Emphasize that while you can't control Grandpa or "fix" the problems his decision has caused for the family, you can still love him, keep up your relationship with both grandparents and adjust to new patterns of staying in touch.

-- Use this tough situation to discuss the ripple effect -- how the decisions we make in our lives often affect other people in ways we might not have imagined.

-- Finally, patiently let your children express their emotions and confusion. Younger kids especially want to know how this affects their own lives -- it's not selfish, just how the brain works developmentally at that age. Keep in mind that kids' feelings often reflect their parents' emotions but are expressed in the child's unique way behaviorally.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've been battling severe depression and anxiety for some time. These feelings are bad enough, but I'm concerned that I'm making life difficult for my wife and kids. What should I do?

Jim: Your concern is actually a hopeful sign. Some who suffer from depression withdraw so deeply into themselves that they're incapable of thinking about others. I'm glad to hear of your care for your family and encourage you to follow that thought.

That said, it's worth noting that depression can distort your perceptions, including your sense of the impact on your family. Perhaps it's not as bad you fear. Talk with your wife and ask about her thoughts and feelings -- and listen carefully. She may be able to give you a more objective perspective. You must address your condition, but don't take on a needless load of worry or guilt.

Decisive action is vital in countering depression and anxiety. Are you talking with your family physician about this? Have you engaged the services of a licensed counselor? Do you keep appointments faithfully and follow doctor's orders? Have you started taking appropriate medication? If you've taken any of these steps, I applaud you. If not, I strongly recommend that you start now.

Once you're moving in the right direction, tell your spouse and children how you're combatting your depression -- and enlist their support. You'd be surprised what this kind of communication can mean. In talking openly about your struggles, you're giving your wife and kids a tremendous gift of encouragement and hope. In the end, you'll be stronger and closer as a family by facing the problem together as a team.

Our staff would love to help you on this journey. I invite you to call our counseling department for a free consultation: 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past couple of years, but I recently found out that he's been sexting a "friend" of mine. When I confronted him, he said it's my fault -- then left me and our baby. I feel so alone, hurt and betrayed. What should I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Your boyfriend's actions suggest he's ill-equipped and uninterested in being a husband or a dad. If that's his choice, you need to let him walk away. After all, he's responsible for his own behavior. Realistically, is the man you've described really the kind of person you want playing the role of father in your child's life?

This is the time to stand up for yourself and your baby. But note that ending the relationship with your boyfriend shouldn't release him from his financial obligations as a parent. You'd do well to legally secure that support.

Meanwhile, I strongly recommend that you start reaching out for help wherever you can find it, beginning with your own family if possible. Look into community resources, and seek out a good church.

Once you've addressed your physical needs and those of your baby, start working on the spiritual and psychological aspects of your situation. Honestly assess if there are negative personal issues in your past that may have led you to become involved with someone like your boyfriend in the first place. Deal with those issues now before initiating any new relationships with men. Our staff counselors can help (see phone number above).

One last thought: Even though living together before marriage might seem appealing for a number of reasons, research shows that couples who cohabitate are generally less satisfied in their relationship, are more likely to divorce if they do marry -- and frequently meet with experiences similar to your own. Going forward, we have extensive resources on building healthy relationships at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: As a single woman, how important is it that I have a will? Is this something I should be concerned about?

Jim: That all depends. Under most circumstances it's advisable for you to have a will, but the precise course of action you should follow will be determined by the specifics of your situation.

Obviously, if you're a divorced or widowed mother of dependent children, it's critical that you have a will. This determines not only how your children are provided for financially, but also who has responsibility for caring for them in your absence.

If you're single with no children, a will may still be important. For instance, if you own property of any kind, a will ensures that it will be distributed as you wish. The more assets you accumulate over the years, the greater the need for a testamentary document of some kind.

When you don't have a will prepared, you place the burden of distributing your property on someone else -- who may or may not understand your values and desires. That's why it's wise to make your plans now before it's too late. A single person without dependents can often make a significant impact through charitable giving with a wisely constructed estate plan ... but only if they have specified their wishes ahead of time.

Many people procrastinate when it comes to making provisions for the transfer of their wealth. We all gravitate toward easy and routine actions rather than the difficult and important ones. We're also intimidated by the emotions that might be brought to the surface by a frank and open discussion of a subject like death. Those emotions are understandable, but they don't change the fact that we're all responsible to steward the resources God has entrusted to our care in the wisest manner possible.

Q: How can I help my child have a more positive outlook?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: The most important factor is to model a positive outlook yourself. We've all seen cartoons where what's going on in a character's mind is portrayed in "thought bubbles." That's a great visual representation of what's happening inside each of our brains.

My own thought bubbles can get filled with negative stuff, especially when I'm worried or anxious. Negative thoughts are common because our brains are poor at making predictions. Instead of making accurate forecasts including good outcomes, we often project our worries onto the future. One of our goals as parents is to manage our own thoughts and be effective models for our kids.

Here are just three ways our thinking can mislead us, especially in times of stress, insecurity and fear:

1. Catastrophizing -- We can easily become convinced the worst is going to happen. Seek accurate perspectives and fix your thoughts on the present, not some vague, fearful future that likely won't happen.

2. Discounting the positive -- Sometimes our filters screen out positive input. If someone compliments you on being a great parent, it might be easy to say, "Well, you don't see me every day." Don't deflect affirmation! Accept the positive.

3. Personalizing -- You may assume circumstances are personal to you. For instance, when a friend fails to return a text, the immediate assumption might be discouraging. "Did I do something wrong?" We can train our brains to look at other possibilities: "My friends might be busy, or they might be spending time with their family right now." Don't assume everything is about you.

Thoughts are contagious. The better you become at corralling your own, the better you'll be able to model this for your children -- and you'll see the difference in their "thought bubbles."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.