Q: Can you help me deal with the starving, binging and purging problem I've had ever since I was a teen? Thoughts of food rarely leave my mind. I'm fixated on my body weight. I feel guilty, shamed and dirty. How can I change?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. There's really no way I (or anyone else) can even scratch the surface of this issue in a limited venue like this column. But I do want you to experience something that may seem far away right now: hope.

There's a reason you've found it so hard to break this pattern. The starve-binge cycle is a bio-psycho-social-spiritual disorder that actually changes body chemistry. It does this by interfering with normal serotonin and endorphin levels. Change can be difficult and slow under these circumstances. But it's not impossible. The key is that you need caring people to walk with you on this journey. Don't try to go it alone.

It's also important to remember that there's a strong spiritual component to most eating disorders. So, with all of that in mind, I would strongly recommend that you contact one of our staff counselors for a free over-the-phone consultation. They will be happy to discuss your situation and supply you with a list of referrals to qualified therapists in your area. Call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Meanwhile, on the physical level, moderate exercise can be an important part of the reversal process. Dr. Archibald Hart's book "The Anxiety Cure" suggests a number of lifestyle alterations that can help get you moving in the right direction. I wish you the best.

Q: Our marriage has long been plagued by conflict and emotional pain. We've reluctantly concluded that we need to separate for a while. I don't know if our relationship will survive, but for our kids' sake and our own sanity I want to go about this process in the best way possible. Help?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Remember that marital separation is best understood as a strategy for healing a hurting marriage. As Gary Chapman says in his book "Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed" (which I highly recommend), "separation is not necessarily the beginning of the end." Rather, I'd advise you and your spouse to approach it as an opportunity to avail yourselves of some marital triage.

Be intentional in the way you go about it. Write up a list together of the goals you hope to achieve by this time away from one another. Decide on a time frame. Make a commitment to work on your issues during this hiatus in your relationship, both as individuals and as a couple. Document all these decisions to keep yourselves on track.

It's best to provide children with as much structure and stability as possible during a separation. Do everything in your power to maintain a normal schedule and preserve your kids' sense of normalcy and security.

Meanwhile, you'll likely have to interact occasionally about the children's needs, household affairs and other practical matters. Much of this can be handled by phone, text and email, but if you're involved in mutual counseling (as I trust you will be), you may receive "homework" assignments requiring you to meet in person. I highly recommend doing this in a neutral public setting like a coffee shop or restaurant. Prioritize conducting everything in a genial and businesslike manner.

Again, the goal is to heal your marriage. We have many resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com. And for relationships at the breaking point, our Hope Restored® program has an exceptional success rate in healing troubled marriages; see hoperestored.focusonthefamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: As a 50-something single woman with no immediate family (I never married), the past few months of forced isolation have really ramped up my concern about how I'll cope as I age. I worry that no one will be there for me when I'm no longer able to do everything for myself. I don't want to grow bitter about my circumstances; how can I find peace?

Jim: This year has highlighted how our society is becoming increasingly atomized and isolated. And you're not alone; many unmarried adults are looking around and realizing that they're living in a very scary world, often without anyone to help or support them.

Thankfully, you can proactively improve your prospects and prepare for your future. Start looking now for people who can become the support group you will need in later years. Church is a great place to explore opportunities for relationships, but don't necessarily stop there. There are lots of special-interest clubs, service organizations and charitable societies that you may be able to join. Supportive friendships are cultivated over time through shared experiences.

What are your hobbies? Do you enjoy painting, quilting, reading, stamp-collecting or bird-watching? Are you interested in political activism or social relief? Could you benefit by enrolling in a nutrition-and-fitness class, a book club or a discussion group of some kind? The possibilities are almost endless. Any of these activities could become the basis for several deeply meaningful long-term friendships.

Here's a key thought to keep in mind: Don't limit yourself to your chronological peers. You're positioned now to encourage and help new friends who might be older than you are. And if you stretch your comfort zone to get to know younger people, those connections could prove to be especially important to you in years to come.

Q: Our strong-willed toddler has been attacking other people with his teeth with increasing frequency the past couple of months. How do we stop it?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: While I can't fully cover this topic in this short column, here are some quick thoughts.

With toddlers, one way to eliminate negative behavior (including biting) is with swift consequences followed by reinforced and repeated teaching. One effective tool with kids this age is "timeout from positive reinforcement." Remove your child from the situation he wants to be in and confine him to a very boring location for a short time period.

A portable playpen can be helpful. Put the playpen where your child is away from the action but you can still watch him. Then require him to stay there until he's calm enough for teaching time. A good rule of thumb is one minute of timeout for each year of a child's age; so, a 2-year-old would receive a two-minute timeout.

Don't give the child access to toys during this time, and don't interact with him at all (lecture, scold, etc.). Just ignore him. In a toddler's mind, even negative attention is better than no attention at all and gives him the illusion of control. He'll likely throw a tantrum in a desperate attempt to regain control, but don't give in to the temptation to engage.

Once he has calmed down, let him know he gets to try again by regaining your trust. If you're patient, consistent with your follow-through teaching and don't give in to whining, screaming or temper tantrums, you should find that the biting behavior decreases fairly rapidly. But if this doesn't happen, there's a remote possibility your child may have a more serious developmental problem, which would best be addressed with your pediatrician and/or child psychologist.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Like a lot of parents, I guess, the shutdown this year has really stretched my wife and me regarding how we each interact with our kids. She tends to emphasize the rules; I'm more easygoing. What's your preferred approach?

Jim: Many moms and dads can often be black and white in their parenting. Their approach is like a light switch -- all one way or all the other. What kids really need, though, is balance. So, instead, think of your parenting like a dimmer switch with a range of responses that meet your kids at the point of their need.

Take responsibility and affirmation, for example. Some parents flick their switch all the way to the side of teaching responsibility. Their entire focus is on things like being on time, making good grades or getting chores done. The parents' demands are high, but they don't balance it all out with good doses of affirmation. It's all about following the rules.

Some parents flick the switch the other way. They affirm their kids in everything they do, but don't require anything of them. Their sole purpose is to make their children happy -- all the time. The problem is that the child gets the idea that they can have and do anything they want... but never believes they should have to correct their own behavior.

Effective parenting isn't about black-and-white thinking. It's about balance. Without affirmation, kids will get discouraged. But they also need someone who will put their foot down and say, "This is right, and this is wrong." Kids need both, and they get it when Mom and Dad parent like a dimmer switch with a range of responses.

Q: Is it fair for me to feel hurt and upset when I see my husband turn and look at other women? He's always been faithful to me, and I trust him. But it bothers me when he acts this way.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Don't dismiss your emotions. A good rule of thumb in marriage is that a problem for one spouse is a problem for both. So, you'll need to talk with your husband about his tendency to turn and look at other women. But first take time to think through a few basic questions to help you frame the way you share your concerns:

How long has this been going on?

If it's a new pattern, is there anything in your husband's life right now that might account for the sudden change?

Have you been having difficulties in other areas of your marriage?

Another important point is that men and women are wired differently. There's a difference between simply looking and looking with lust. Attraction is normal. When a good-looking female walks by and a guy notices, it's not necessarily the same thing as lusting after her. Lust involves a choice and an act of the will. It's a conscious decision to pursue a desirable object instead of simply allowing it to pass on by.

The issue is whether your husband's "turning and looking" is an intentional choice to pursue, or an unconscious knee-jerk reaction to a stimulus.

That's not to say that "turning and looking" can be dismissed. Any man who wants to honor his wife must learn to let sensory stimulation bounce off without taking root in his mind and heart. As the saying goes: You can't keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.

If you don't feel you can approach your husband about your concerns -- or he refuses to open up -- there might be deeper issues that should be addressed with professional counseling.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.