Q: How can I help my 15-year-old son feel more confident around girls his age? He's still very shy and nervous in mixed company, and I'm looking for ways to give him a boost in this area. Any suggestions?

Jim: Millions of 15-year-old boys are shy and nervous around girls! So this is a very common problem -- if it's a problem at all.

The early teen years are incredibly challenging. Kids are going through puberty and all of the physical and emotional changes that go along with it. They're dealing with peer pressure and want desperately to fit in and be popular. And, of course, they are trying to relate successfully to the opposite sex.

Most teens are very self-conscious about how they look, act and are perceived by others. One of the best ways to combat self-consciousness is to reach out to others. Teens who get involved in service projects often feel a tremendous sense of fulfillment. And in the process of serving others, they begin to focus less on themselves and build more confidence.

One thing you might try, then, is to encourage your son to join a club or organization that is service-oriented. School counselors should be able to recommend some good ones, either at the school or in the community. Even better, find a church youth group that prioritizes service while emphasizing personal and spiritual growth.

As your son gets involved in one of these groups, encourage him to develop some non-romantic friendships with girls to whom he isn't necessarily attracted. Teenage boys tend to stumble all over themselves around the popular girls. However, as they develop relationships with girls with whom they interact daily, including many who have solid character, they learn how girls think and relate. And they will begin to feel more comfortable and confident with the opposite sex.

Q: When should my husband and I stop showering with our toddler-age children and changing clothes in front of them? Can you give us some guidelines for modesty in the home?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The development of modesty in children begins early (ages 18-24 months). If you're the opposite-sex parent, it's best to stop any showering or clothes-changing together during that period in a child's life. If you're the same-gender parent, you'll most likely be changing clothes in the same room (e.g., locker rooms) throughout your child's growth.

What's most important is that you instill a healthy view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You can start when they're toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language. Interestingly, children also develop the capacity for empathy around 18-24 months. Modesty and empathy help a child learn to see people and relationships through a lens of respect and care.

Kids tend to develop a desire for their own privacy between the ages of 3 to 5 years; this is developmentally healthy and beneficial. Help them learn how to effectively manage their desire for privacy when changing their clothes.

If a child asks questions while changing clothes, help him or her learn to respect the body by using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Also, give positive and straightforward answers to the inevitable questions about where babies come from. You don't necessarily need to go into a detailed description of human physiology; for age-appropriate tips and resources, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Here's one of the great privileges of parenting: You get to teach your child about the amazing design of the body and relationships from an early age, and you're also able to support and empower them by teaching about boundaries in relationship with others.

If you'd like to discuss this subject with our counselors, feel free to call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My father-in-law took his own life about four years ago. At the time our kids were very young, so my wife and I simply told them that Grandpa died because he was sick and elderly -- without providing details. Our two oldest are 12 and 9 now, and they want to know more. What should we say?

Jim: A great deal depends upon what they already know, so start by finding out what snippets of information they've picked up on their own. Sit down with them and ask, "What have people said to you about Grandpa's death? How does that make you feel?" It's important to get a sense of their emotional reaction to this family tragedy before moving forward with the discussion.

Feel free to speak honestly about your emotions; it's OK to be open with your own pain and sorrow. Now that your kids are older, they deserve to know the truth. Do what you can to provide them with some helpful insights into who their grandfather was, the issues he was wrestling with and his reasons for feeling so hopelessly hurt and wounded.

Emphasize how sad the suicide made you feel, and that you couldn't bear it if something like that ever happened to them. Assure them that they can talk to you about anything in their lives, anytime, no matter how sad, scary or embarrassing it may seem.

You can also use this situation to stimulate constructive thought and conversation. For example, you could ask, "What are some other ways Grandpa could have dealt with his pain? What can you do if you feel that depression is becoming a serious problem in your life?"

If you'd like to talk about this at greater length, please call and speak with one of our counselors for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My husband and I are newlyweds and are thinking seriously about having children. We're wondering when to start, how many kids we should plan on having, how far apart, etc. Do you have any insights?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There's no "one size fits all" answer to prescribe for you when to have children, or how many to have. But there's one thing I can tell you: These are points on which you and your spouse need to be in agreement. Your relationship is unique, as are the concerns, perspectives, goals, beliefs and values each of you brings to it. No one else can dictate precisely how these factors ought to influence your decision to begin having children. But whatever you do, you need to be on the same page. So don't assume anything. Talk as long, as deeply and as often as you need to in order to come to a meeting of the minds.

Of course, not every couple gets to choose whether and when to have children. So, you're blessed even to be in the position of wrestling with these questions. That said, here are some principles to keep in mind.

-- Children need to be born into secure homes with loving parents. Make your marriage a priority.

-- The spacing of children depends more on the parents' emotional stability -- and sometimes economic circumstances -- than on an arbitrarily chosen number of years between births.

-- Children need your time. Are you committed to frequent business travel or generally overcommitted to your job? If so, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle before becoming a parent.

-- There's a price to postponing parenthood. As couples put off childbearing, they often discover that it's harder to conceive -- and that the chances of miscarriage increase -- as the years go by.

Children are a blessing if you can have them, and they deserve your absolute best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: This year has been so chaotic and difficult. I lost a couple of loved ones to the virus, my income dropped significantly, the nation seems to be falling apart -- I really don't feel very grateful for anything. Why should we even bother with a "Thanksgiving" holiday this year?

Jim: While I can understand your feelings -- and I'm truly sorry for your losses -- it's in the middle of difficulty that thankfulness is most profound and healing.

Consider that first Thanksgiving in America. After a 65-day voyage across the Atlantic Ocean in cold, miserable conditions, less than half of the Mayflower Pilgrims survived that first winter. Despite their adversity, their governor, William Bradford, proclaimed a day of thanksgiving for God's grace and provision.

In 1863, President Lincoln also called for a day of thanksgiving amid difficult times. He and his wife, Mary, were mourning the recent death of their 11-year-old son, Willie. And the country was embroiled in a bloody Civil War. Still, Lincoln declared the last Thursday of November of that year as a day of thanksgiving and prayer. His proclamation said, in part: "In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity ... [our country] has been filled with blessings which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come."

Lincoln's sentiment still resonates today. Americans enjoy so much abundance that we easily forget how blessed we are -- even in the midst of difficulty.

No doubt about it, this has been a tough year. It's not easy to be thankful when life seems so dark. But as Dr. Tim Keller says, "It's one thing to be grateful. It's another to give thanks. Gratitude is what you feel. Thanksgiving is what you do." And the doing -- pausing to be thankful for what we have -- is important for our emotional and spiritual well-being.

Q: How can I get my kids to stop fighting?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Researchers report that in families with young children there is at least one sibling conflict every 10 minutes. That's a lot of refereeing from parents every day.

Siblings fight for many reasons -- jealousy, desire for control, being tired or hungry, feeling left out, boredom, competitiveness, frustration, anxiety, stress ... the list goes on. There can be many combinations and possibilities at play when your children choose to argue with one another. But just like they can engage in conflict, they can also participate in the solution.

Start with yourself. What happens when your children have conflict? Do you scream? Do you ignore it and then explode? Or do you just ignore it? Some parents simply let their kids hash it out in the hopes that "they'll figure it out." Your children need your guidance when it comes to resolving conflict and exhibiting empathy and patience as they navigate relationships.

Kids need to develop four key traits to manage sibling disagreements and conflict:

-- Flexibility of mind. Consider the other person's point of view and ask the question, "Is there another way to look at this?" Flexibility of mind allows for compromise and understanding.

-- Humility. Learn to consider the other person as having worth and importance, including their interests, thoughts and opinions. This also means learning to listen to others attentively and genuinely.

-- Patience. Make sure your child knows what this looks like and help him or her see the benefits of patience in relationships. Patience requires self-control.

-- Self-awareness. Your children need to learn to own their contribution to the problem. How well do you model this yourself?

Living with siblings is a great training ground for managing future relationships and learning all about patience, compromise, empathy, humility and other important character qualities.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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