Q: Our two sons (ages 5 and 7) are sweet kids. However, they're constantly fighting over toys, which movie to watch and so on. How can I defuse this bickering behavior?

Jim: I think every parent with more than one child at home has been forced to confront the issue of sibling rivalry at some point. My wife and I certainly had to address it with our own boys!

Thankfully, there are some practical things you can do to keep competition and animosity in check. Author Grace Stopani has developed a list of five steps to address sibling rivalry:

Teach your children mutual respect. Mean words and actions coming from a brother or sister can hurt deeply, so put a damper on insults.

Don't play favorites. All children are created equal, but they're not all the same. Recognize and highlight each child's individual skills and strengths without implying that one is somehow better than the other.

Teach your kids conflict management. Acknowledge their feelings while helping them learn to express those emotions in the proper way. It isn't wrong for your sons to become frustrated with one another from time to time. But there are good ways and bad ways for them to deal with it.

Don't ignore good behavior. Of course, you need to intervene when they're behaving badly. But it's more important to reward them with praise when they're getting along. Be sure each child receives a healthy dose of your time and interest.

Show appreciation for who your children ARE, not what they do. If a child feels valued merely for his performance, he will feel the need to prove his worth. Encourage your boys' self-esteem by praising their God-given traits, like compassion or a tender heart.

Parenting isn't easy. But implementing these guidelines can help restore a measure of peace. For more tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Q: My new wife and I each have adult children from previous marriages. Her son is going through a divorce and recently moved in with us. We're trying to support him, but I'm concerned he's taking advantage of his mother; she does everything for him. How should I approach my wife about this without harming our relationship?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I think you're wise to take this carefully. My advice to anyone who's confronting another person is to first sort out the "hot button" issue. For you, it could be that you're being protective of your wife. Or it might be that the attention she's redirecting toward him has caused you to feel neglected by your new bride. Those can both be legitimate concerns, but it's critical you determine what truly needs to be discussed.

With that established, when you do sit down with your wife take your cue from St. Francis: Seek to understand before being understood. Listen first to learn why she's indulging her son. Maybe she's feeling guilt over the breakup of her first marriage, or pain for her son because of his own divorce. Whatever the case, empathize with her feelings and how this has impacted her. Only then should you begin to share your feelings.

Finally, work together to come up with a solution that's a "win-win" for your marriage. Remember: You're a team, and anything resembling a "win-lose" is actually a loss for both of you. Develop a plan for how her son can contribute (cleaning, laundry, rent, etc.) and for how long he can stay. Then support your wife as she communicates these boundaries to her son with you by her side. While this is a challenge you'd prefer to avoid, it could make your marriage even stronger in the long run.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Is it acceptable for parents to read our teenage daughter's journal, or go through her room, if we suspect she might be involved in some kind of unhealthy activity? And what if we do find evidence that something disturbing is occurring?

Jim: It's difficult to give a definitive response without knowing a lot more about you, your daughter, and the specifics of the case. But in a very broad sense, the answer would be yes: As parents, you do have a right to check on your kids when circumstances seem to merit it. The guiding factor here is a parent's duty to protect your child from dangers, temptations and threats of any kind.

It's easy to stumble in this area, but that's forgivable -- so long as your actions are truly motivated by love. Before reading a single word of your daughter's journal, honestly examine your own heart to determine why you feel a need to investigate. Make sure that you're acting solely out of genuine care and concern.

From there, think in terms of four simple principles that are absolutely essential when it comes to parenting teens successfully -- connection, context, conversation and consequences.

Connection is all about the history of your relationship with your child. Do you talk and touch base regularly? Is she accustomed to mom checking up on her occasionally in a loving way since she was small? Or has a sense of estrangement and distrust been allowed to creep into your interactions with one another?

Context has to do with your perception of her character. Generally speaking, is she a "good girl" or not? Are your suspicions based on established patterns of negative behavior? Or is she the kind of child for whom "unhealthy activity" would be a serious exception to the rule?

Conversation. If, on the basis of connection and context, you decide to dip into your daughter's journal -- and find your fears confirmed -- you'll need to sit down and have a serious conversation with her. The issue of privacy will likely come up almost immediately, so start with: "We need to talk about your right to privacy and my respect for it." Then say, "We also need to discuss some things I read in your journal the other day. Let's deal with that first." If she objects, calmly explain that it's your house and you're responsible for her. But if her objections seem reasonable, don't be afraid to say so. Whatever happens, always come back to the idea that you did what you did out of love.

Consequences is the final step if "something disturbing" has indeed been happening. Everything depends upon the circumstances. If your daughter has become involved with individuals who negatively influence her behavior, make sure that those ties are cut. Other measures, such as grounding or social media restrictions, may be appropriate.

Of course, it's possible that the problem isn't a question of morality or safety at all. If you discover that your daughter is just struggling with emotional issues, relational challenges, spiritual doubts or questions of self-esteem, then take a subtler approach without mentioning the diary entry at all. Instead, try saying something like, "How are things going with the girls at school?" or "Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement? I sure did when I was your age." In other words, make careful use of the information you have without disclosing where you got it. This is all part of the process of building a healthy working relationship with your child.

Again, these are challenging waters to navigate. If you think it might be helpful, I'd invite you to contact us for a free consultation with one of our counseling professionals; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: As a first-time grandma, I'm excited to play an active and positive role in my grandchild's life. But I also want to be careful to respect appropriate boundaries with my son and daughter-in-law. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: Congratulations! Grandparents can have a significant impact on the lives of your children and your grandchildren, and you've gained valuable perspective after raising your own kids. As first-time parents, your son and his wife may soon feel overwhelmed by the nonstop responsibility -- so you can help them see this little one through the eyes of a love-struck grandmother.

The best gift you have to offer is the gift of your time. You'll well remember that new parents need a break occasionally. Instead of a vague "let me know if I can help," you might suggest a specific time -- for example, "How about if I come over Tuesday evening at five so you two can get out for a couple of hours?" You can also extend an open invitation to call you whenever they feel they're reaching the end of their rope.

Incidentally, here's an important piece of advice about giving advice. You may not totally agree with the way your grown children are raising your grandchildren. But be very careful about the way you broach that subject, especially with your daughter-in-law.

Why do I say that? Remember: As parents, they have the final say and responsibility for the way their children are raised. Your duty in almost every situation is to abide by their decisions. The one exception is if an irresponsible parent's behavior or neglect is exposing a child to harm. Otherwise, offer advice only if asked, and work at building a relationship through which you can share the benefits of your parenting experience.

Q: My husband was a smoker for most of his life. He quit a few years ago, but I just discovered that he's smoking again -- and has been hiding it for months. I'm very upset over this but want to support my husband. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I would guess that you're feeling a range of different emotions -- so before doing anything else, I encourage you to sort those out. You're probably frustrated that he's back at square one with his struggle. You'd naturally be upset that he's hidden this from you for so long. You have a right to expect honesty in your relationship, but instead there's been a lack of transparency. The foundation of trust may not have collapsed, but it has suffered some erosion. Repairing that should be your focus.

I suggest you sit down with your husband for an honest conversation. Begin by expressing your disappointment FOR -- not in -- him. Assure him of your love, respect and confidence that he'll win this battle. Emphasizing this may help alleviate some of the shame that may have contributed to his concealment of the relapse.

With those things said, ask him to tell you his story. Has stress at work or home triggered the urge to smoke? Why did he feel he couldn't share his struggles and be honest with you?

Once you understand those things, move into why his actions hurt you. Don't make smoking the issue; he's likely more upset about that than you are. Instead, highlight that this is a matter of trust -- and for that to exist, you need to feel he can confide in you. Ask him if there are obstacles to that, and what might be done to remove those.

If the obstacles seem too big or you need guidance working through this challenge together, please give our counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.