Q: I'm concerned about how our daughter treats her husband. Most of the time she is disrespectful and mean to him. He's a good, kind man but somewhat passive, so he just takes it from her. This situation upsets our entire family -- how should I approach it?

Jim: This is a delicate scenario that will require careful thought -- and quite likely some professional counsel. In considering your response, it's important to view your daughter not as your child but as an adult peer. I'd also suggest you try to look at her and her husband as if they weren't related to you. By taking this perspective, you'll be less likely to inappropriately inject yourself into their relationship.

If you think your daughter would be open to hearing your concerns, talk to her about your feelings. Again, it's critical that you approach the conversation as a caring friend and not a condemning parent. Share your thoughts about the importance of mutual respect in marriage as a general concept. If your daughter responds positively, you can discuss the problem further and offer ways you might be of encouragement and help.

However, if she still proves resistant, I'd recommend you ease off. In many cases, enlisting a trusted third party to whom your daughter might be more inclined to listen -- a mutual friend or a pastor -- could prove to be a more effective means of intervening.

Meanwhile, you might want to take the "my house, my rules" approach. You can't dictate how she talks to her husband in general. But you can say: "In our home, we have a rule that everyone is to be treated with respect." If your daughter refuses to comply, stop inviting her to family gatherings.

For more insights, I invite you to call staff counselors for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm worried that the transition from summer break to preparing for the school year will be difficult for my kids. How do I start building momentum to help my kids start off the new school year well?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: As kids head back to school, some look forward to seeing their friends again and beginning a new year of learning. But other kids dread the return to school for a variety of reasons, including the fear of rejection and/or failure.

Returning to school means a blitz of influences and messages your child will need to sift through as they search for meaning, worth and competence. As a result, it's essential to build a foundation of communication within your family as you begin the new school year together.

Foundations begin with life-giving habits. One life-giving habit you can model and encourage for your home culture this school year is the "one thing a day" question. Ask yourself daily: "What is one thing I can do today to make this a better day for my spouse and/or each of my children?"

Take the challenge to make one simple and consistent impact on your family. Here are a few ideas to help you get started.

-- Leave a note on your spouse and children's mirrors. You can use dry erase or write sticky notes and put them on the mirrors.

-- Send an encouraging text or make an unexpected call to express your love.

-- Ask them about something you know is important to them.

-- Stop what you're doing and carefully listen to what they have to say.

Commit to being consistent with this one question. It won't be perfect, and some days will go better than others. But it will certainly be worthwhile. For additional practical parenting tips, go to FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've heard some things about foster care and adoption, and I'm curious -- but hesitant because our family is already so busy. Somebody told me that your organization strongly supports foster adoption. Why do you think we should get involved?

Jim: This is an issue close to my heart because I was an orphan myself in elementary school -- both of my parents died by the time I was 12. I know what it feels like to drift through life without the anchor of a parent's love. So, I empathize with the 140 million children worldwide who just want to call someone "Mom" and "Dad."

When we hear the word "orphan," many of us envision poor kids in developing nations' slums. That's certainly a serious global issue that deserves much more attention. But there are over 120,000 adoption-eligible children in the United States' foster care system. They dream of real homes filled with love and laughter; they crave acceptance and a place to belong. That's why Focus on the Family established the "Wait No More" campaign.

I believe that American culture's "me first" attitude has undermined our God-given sense of benevolence. We're presented with countless opportunities to entertain ourselves with media, sports, hobbies and possessions. Those things aren't inherently wrong. But when we pursue them so much that we fail to love and care about those among us who are truly hurting, we definitely need to rethink our priorities.

Sure, adoption isn't for every family. But my guess is that many couples could find room in their hearts for a child who doesn't have a place to call home. And there are many ways that families who don't adopt can help those who do. For more information, you can contact your local social services department and/or visit Focus on the Family's special website, WaitNoMore.org.

Q: My husband and I have been married nearly 10 years. But we have a lot of relational problems. I think we're both wondering if we should just bag it and go our separate ways. Why would our marriage even be worth trying to save?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: My heart goes out to you. I'm sure what you're facing is difficult and discouraging. But I believe your marriage is worth fighting for, for many reasons.

First -- if you have children, their welfare should be one of your most important considerations. Some people claim that kids are relieved when their parents divorce because that means the arguments stop. But that's really not true. In fact, studies show that divorce is one of the biggest fears for children. Decades later, children whose parents divorced generally still remember the loneliness and fear caused by the breakup.

Research also shows that divorced couples aren't significantly happier once their marriage ends. In fact, most wish they'd worked harder to save their marriage.

But what happens if you put in the work to repair and strengthen your marriage? Again, the research emphasizes that in most cases each spouse experiences greater physical, mental and emotional health, and their relationship is stronger and happier.

So, here's my advice: You don't have to choose between staying in an unhappy marriage or divorcing and being just as miserable. Your marriage can be restored if you're both willing to try. Yes, it'll take work. But a healthy, thriving relationship is worth the effort. I'd even say it's priceless.

Our counselors at Focus on the Family would be happy to help; don't hesitate to call them at 855-771-HELP (4357). And for couples on the brink, Focus on the Family's Hope Restored program has an exceptional success rate in healing troubled marriages -- see HopeRestored.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm in my late 40s and feeling burned out in my job. But whenever I think about changing career paths, I feel overwhelmed and mentally paralyzed. Do you think I should just ride it out in my current field and wait for retirement?

Jim: These days, choosing a career isn't a one-time event. For most of us it's a series of decisions we make as we progress through different stages of life. Career paths may change multiple times based on age, family size, maturity and so on. So really, there's no right or wrong answer here.

That said, keep in mind that determining your career path takes healthy amounts of wisdom, reflection and prayer -- not to mention the support of your family. If you do decide to change careers, here are some important things to consider, courtesy of Crown Financial Ministries:

1) Don't always choose the first or easiest job you can find. The goal should be to move into work where you're using and developing your strongest talents.

2) Don't select a job based strictly on salary. Making more money won't be worth it if you don't like the work.

3) Avoid taking a position just because the title sounds impressive. Doing what you enjoy, and what you're good at, is far more important than what appears on your business card.

4) Don't accept a position just because you have the minimum ability to do it. There could be many jobs that you can do, but that doesn't mean they're the best options available. Put in the effort to seek a career that's the right combination of challenging and fulfilling.

Q: My teen son is struggling with self-confidence. It's obvious in how he talks about himself; he shows a lack of motivation or interest in things that usually make him excited. As his dad, how can I help him through this struggle and build his self-confidence for his future?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is a common challenge. The teen years are filled with insecurities and pressures. Many factors can influence whether your son's confidence levels go up or down, including his interpretation of what happens around him. His personality, past experiences and emotions can all impact those interpretations.

As a reminder, you have an incredible opportunity to deeply influence your son's self-confidence. He needs you -- especially now as he wrestles through his fears of rejection, failure and weakness! While he may dismiss your positive and genuine affirmations, be consistent in giving them. Patiently help him interpret his life experiences through a lens of truth, self-compassion and accepting his own imperfections.

Here are two practical and consistent gifts you can give your son on his journey toward building (or rebuilding) his self-confidence.

Prioritize listening. Your son appreciates being heard. Giving your full attention while listening develops trust and security. It helps your teen realize his opinions and independent thoughts are worthy of attention and care. It also gives you insight into what might be going on underneath your son's behaviors.

Provide genuine and sincere affirmation and loving affection. Sons desire approval from their dads and affirmation that they're worthy and competent. As a father, you can also provide a sense of belonging, security and safety by taking the time to show affection despite the chaos in your son's life. Finds ways to demonstrate this that are meaningful to him. It could be a hug, life-giving words or asking to spend one-to-one time with him.

These are just two quick examples; there are many other ways you, as a dad, can encourage your son as he grows toward adulthood with confidence and humility. For more tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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