Q: My husband and I did our best to raise our son into a mature adult. But now that he's finished college and out on his own, he's making very poor choices. We're discouraged, and struggle wondering where we went wrong. Do you have any insights?

Jim: Watching an adult child lose their way is extremely difficult. In one sense, you'll always be the parent and he will always be the child you raised. But at the same time, as our kids enter adulthood, the relationship has to transition to a balance between independent people who make their own decisions.

Where do you start? I'd suggest the first step is to avoid submerging yourself in guilt. Did you make mistakes? Sure you did -- every parent does. But your son is old enough to make his own choices and to accept responsibility for them. So give yourself a break.

Second, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that the burden of getting life back on track needs to be your son's, not yours. You can encourage him to make better choices, but again -- it's his life now. So point him in the right direction if you can and give him advice if he asks for it. But let him be his own person.

Now comes the hard part: You have to let your son suffer the consequences of his choices. If you rescue him from his problems, he might never see a reason to make the necessary changes. So don't be too quick to save him from self-inflicted pain.

In situations like this it can be very helpful to discuss your specific concerns with a qualified professional therapist. If you'd like some extra guidance from our staff counselors, I invite you to call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My husband and I recently moved to a new city. As we make new friends, we wonder how much of our personal story to share. We experienced significant marital issues and eventually divorced, but later reconciled and have remarried. Our old friends knew everything; is there any reason to open up with new acquaintances?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I can understand the reluctance. Nobody likes a scar, which is why most people keep them hidden if they can. But with the right mindset, a scar can actually be a symbol of healing and strength for others.

Let me give you an example. During the Vietnam War, Dave Roever was confident that he would return from his tour without a scratch. But during a firefight, a phosphorous grenade exploded in Dave's hand, horribly burning most of his face and body. His scars were so extensive he'd never be able to hide them.

So, Dave chose to use his wounds to bring healing to others. As a well-known and popular speaker he has encouraged thousands of people to reveal their emotional scars. As he says, "Scars are evidence of pain, but they're also evidence you survived."

That same truth holds for the scars your marriage has suffered as well. Obviously, I don't know what tore your home apart. Whatever the cause, the result is usually the same. People hide their scars to avoid feelings of shame or humiliation.

But a scar can become a symbol of hope to others facing similar problems. Remember, a scar indicates healing has taken place. It means there was an open wound -- but you fought through and mended what was broken in your relationship. I applaud you for that. And others need to hear about it.

So, when it comes to your marriage, don't hide your scars. Let the world around you see them as a source of strength and hope.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I are expecting our first child. I'm excited but terrified. My relationship with my father was awful and I'm afraid I'll be a lousy dad just like he was.

Jim: I get it. I used to worry that I'd be a bad father because my own dad -- an abusive alcoholic -- was such a poor role model. He walked out on our family when I was just five. While he floated in and out of my life for years, he was never a positive influence and didn't model what good fathering looked like. He usually just broke his promises and disappointed me again and again.

Most of us do lean toward parenting the way we were parented. But we CAN break the chains of dysfunction. Learning to be a good dad hasn't always been easy for me, but I wasn't "destined" to follow in my father's footsteps as a parent to my two boys. And you're not locked in to repeating how your dad failed, either.

The most important lesson I've learned is that being a good man and a loving father isn't about "fate." It's all about choices. That's the theme of a book I wrote titled "The Good Dad."

Sure, I still parent out of the void my father left behind. But I do my best to turn those negatives into positives. I make it a priority to connect with my sons in areas where my own father failed miserably. I show my kids unconditional love and demonstrate to them that I'll never leave them no matter what happens.

It sounds like you also want to be a different father than you had growing up -- and you can. New choices aren't always easy, but they are definitely possible. Your kids are counting on you.

For encouragement, tips and resources to be a good Dad, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My teenagers (a son and daughter) both struggle with unwanted sexual thoughts. How do I help them?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is an important question. Is it really about overcoming and avoiding sexual thoughts? Or is it about helping your teen become a healthy adult -- including their sexuality?

As kids enter adolescence, it's common for them to experience an ongoing wrestling match with their sexual thoughts. Your child's new curiosity about topics like dating and sex is a normal and important part of their development, so the goal would not be to eliminate their sexual thoughts. The goal is for them to develop a healthy, loving and self-controlled sexual thought life.

Prioritize ongoing and open conversations. There's a good chance your kids will try to understand and manage their sexual thoughts on their own by searching online or asking their friends. Here are some potential things to intentionally talk about:

-- The purpose of sexuality as a life-giving component within a committed marriage relationship.

-- Any triggers they may be aware of when it comes to their unwanted sexual thoughts.

-- The different worldviews on sexuality and your family's beliefs and values.

Also, establish goals. Most kids tend to do better in school, sports, relationships and activities when they pursue realistic goals. Overcoming unwanted habitual sexual thoughts is no different. As a parent, what is your goal for your child's overall sexual health and wholeness?

Are your kids only learning about how to be consumers? Or are they learning how to be contributors within a trusting, committed and loving relationship? Your teens need to work through their worldview on sexuality. You get to walk alongside them as they learn to love others well, including through their thoughts.

To learn more about building healthy sexual wholeness in your family, go to www.FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: Can you help me with an awkward situation involving an extended family member? Recently this person harshly disagreed with something I posted on social media, and I confess I didn't respond well. The (unfortunately) public dispute has escalated into critical private messages and even some caustic texts. What do I do now?

Jim: Digital connections among extended family can be great in the right circumstances. When a relationship is healthy, they're an excellent way to stay in touch.

But we've all seen (or experienced) situations when things go off the rails. Author and counselor Dr. John Townsend warns that if you're engaged in conflict with someone, addressing problems through electronic means is the WORST thing you can do. That's because confrontational comments almost always seem worse when you read them. No matter how carefully we word our thoughts, it's far too easy for the reader to feel judged or attacked. In fact, Dr. Townsend recommends that people never use digital channels to confront anyone because the potential for misunderstanding is so great.

Instead, talk face-to-face if at all possible -- or by phone if necessary. Admittedly, addressing disagreements in person can be very uncomfortable. But it's still the best way to ensure that the subtleties of communication carry through and help make reconciliation possible, rather than derail it.

Prioritize affirming the relationship even if you need to "agree to disagree" about some things. I love some great advice about interacting with others that dates back 2000 years: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

The first step in reaching a resolution will likely be to humbly admit any fault you yourself might have had in escalating the situation. If our staff counselors can be of assistance, feel free to call them at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm really looking forward to getting married in a couple of months. But my fiance and I both grew up in broken homes and we're scared about whether we can make things last long-term. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: A widely respected marriage therapist, Dr. John Gottman, estimates he can predict with 90% accuracy whether or not a newly married couple will go the distance. He doesn't have a crystal ball -- rather, he has conducted extensive research on how couples communicate.

I agree with Dr. Gottman that divorces don't occur over individual conflicts like in-laws or money. The issue is how couples handle those disagreements. Gottman identifies four key behaviors that increase the chances that a couple will divorce: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and acting with contempt toward one another.

Perhaps you read that list and think: "Houston, we have a problem." The good news is that even if you're struggling, your marriage isn't automatically doomed to fail. Real success is a lifelong process -- and it is absolutely possible when you're both committed to doing the work to improve your relationship.

Any couple, no matter their life stage, can learn how to communicate better to solve difficult problems. You may have to practice working together as a team or honing new relationship skills. But those are factors within your control. And that means that almost any couple is just a few communication skills away from creating a healthy and successful marriage.

We have a broad range of resources available to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage, including an entire section for marriage prep. In your case, I'd humbly suggest a book I wrote with my wife, Erin, titled "Ready to Wed." You might also check out a book I wrote with Dr. Bob Paul titled "9 Lies That Will Destroy Your Marriage (And the Truths That Will Save It and Set It Free)."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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