Q: It's almost impossible to buy presents for my father. He has virtually everything he wants and insists we shouldn't get him anything for Christmas. But I want our kids to learn generosity -- and we all want to honor Grandpa somehow. Do you have any suggestions?
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Jim: It's been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But in many cases the way to a father's (and grandfather's) heart is through the nearly extinct art of hand-written notes.
Here's a "pro tip": Dads won't often admit it, but most of us love hand-written notes from our children. The messages don't need to be long or complicated; just a few quick lines that speak from the heart. Reference fond memories, something special he's done or the influence he's had in your life.
Grandpa is likely to throw away store-bought cards unless there's something meaningful written inside. Dads love to hear that they've made an impact in their kids' (and grandkids') lives and that you value that influence. Simply put, you can't buy a more meaningful gift. And unlike another tie, he won't discard or ignore this present.
For the dads reading, remember this: Your children will treasure the personal notes that you write to them. Connecting with your children is more than roughhousing or wrestling on the floor -- it's OK (in fact, vital) to express your love through tenderness, too. Write a few quick lines that highlight what your child does well and what you love about them.
Emails and texts are certainly useful, but they don't connect us at a human level. Hand-written notes, with their unique flourishes and scribbles, bond us with the person who wrote or reads them. Christmas is a great time to put pen, crayon, or pencil to paper and say, "I love you."
Q: My hopes and dreams for marriage were derailed this past year with the end of a long-term relationship. Now -- once AGAIN -- I'll be single and alone at Christmas. I'm trying to keep a good perspective. Do you have any advice?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's natural to grieve the loss of that particular dream, and there are obviously a lot of moving pieces to a situation like yours. Still, you can move on and thrive. I would suggest that you work on maximizing your "now" while you anticipate your "later." Here are three keys to doing that.
First, use this season to better prepare yourself. If you want to marry a mature, wise person with good character -- be a mature, wise person with good character.
Second, remember that community is critically important. "Single" should not mean "isolated." Stay connected to your family and friends, while plugging in to your local church and social groups at work. Great relationships have to be cultivated through effort and time. For example, rather than just being alone at Christmas, seek others who are "solo" (for whatever reason) and organize a celebration.
Finally -- whatever you do, don't just sit around and wait for life to begin. Get involved wherever you can. As a single you have opportunities that you wouldn't have if you were married with children. Reach out to others.
Here's the bottom line: If you're single, you don't have to feel like you're alone in the bleachers watching real life happen on the field without you. Work on living a rich, full and meaningful life while you wait for that certain someone you want to build a future with. You do that by maximizing your "now" while you anticipate your "later."
Along those lines, Focus on the Family has a great outreach addressing single life from a faith-based perspective; see Boundless.org.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
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