Q: Leading up to Father's Day I've been somewhat contemplative, thinking about what marks "true masculinity." What's your take on the subject?

Jim: I think at a certain level, pretty much every man wants to feel like a hero. We're built to be warriors and adventurers. The problem is that most guys don't feel like they get a chance to use their true strength on behalf of their family very often. Really, how often does a dude march in from the front yard on a Saturday and puff out his chest to announce: "I mowed the lawn!" That just doesn't quite hit it for most of us.

Perhaps that's why so many young men feel that they have to prove their manhood through power or brute strength -- how much weight they can lift or how hard they can punch. That might be the Hollywood (or sports bar) standard for heroes. But in everyday life, true masculinity is defined by a man's inner strength.

A real man lays his life down for his family every day. It's when a dad plays catch in the front yard even though he's tired from a long day at work. Or when he talks his daughter through her first heartbreak -- even though he'd rather she not grow up at all. Sometimes it's as simple as a husband skipping the game on TV to run an errand for (or with) his wife.

Those things may not sound very heroic. But that's because guys usually think masculinity is found in the big things. The truth is it's mostly found in the inner strength that enables a man to serve his wife and kids in the small ways every day. And there's no greater adventure than successfully guiding and protecting your small tribe through the jungle of this crazy mixed-up world. Dads: Stand tall.

Q: My teen son, daughter and their friends are constantly guzzling energy drinks. Am I right in thinking this has to be bad for them?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Your concerns are valid. It's really not healthy for anyone to consume beverages that are so high in sugar and caffeine. But there's increasing evidence that energy drinks can be harmful to teens, including their mental and emotional health. Researchers are finding increased risks of anxiety, panic attacks, mood issues and ADHD-type symptoms in teens who consume large amounts of these kinds of energy drinks.

Many teens see energy drinks as a way to help manage fatigue, social pressure, stress, and things that seem overwhelming -- or to find an edge in sports or academics. However, they just end up creating more problems for themselves in the long run, such as the possibility of ongoing dehydration, heart issues, jitteriness, insomnia and emotional issues (including a higher risk of suicide and addictions).

Since your teens are most likely trying to solve something through these drinks that jolt their brain and body, it's important to explore what they are trying to address. Instead of simply saying "no" and moving on, learn what your teens are wrestling with physically, emotionally and mentally -- and help them find healthier options.

Many different natural supplements and healthful drinks can give your teens an energy boost. Discuss healthy boundaries and explore other beneficial options, including stevia or monk fruit as sweeteners and organic green tea or coffee bean extract for the caffeine. These drinks usually contain a fraction of the caffeine that's in conventional energy drinks. Researchers affirm that 100 mg to 200 mg of caffeine throughout the morning hours can have some benefits. However, consuming caffeine past noon, and in amounts over 300 mg, can have adverse effects.

For more practical parenting answers and tips, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: Our baby girl has been a delight. But when she hit the "terrible twos," everything changed. We've heard this is fairly common and know it's "just a stage" that we'll get through. But right now it's exhausting and discouraging. Do you have any advice for keeping the right perspective?

Jim: Many parents can relate! I'll share an example that I heard from singer Phil Joel and his wife, Heather. The Joels' first son was a model baby -- smiling, sleeping through the night, and loving to be held. Then his pleasant disposition vanished as he became a toddler.

That's when Phil and Heather had the epiphany that parenting is a lot like gardening. The analogy illustrates that we plant seeds of love in our children, so their lives will flourish and grow. But as any gardener can tell you, positive results don't happen overnight. Success requires consistent labor and attention, rain or shine. And it's not just the seeds you plant that sprout -- you'll probably be dealing with weeds as well.

"Weeds" can take many forms in our children's lives. Whether from negative cultural influences, or an "all-about-me" selfishness, these things often choke out the positive seeds of love and encouragement we're trying to cultivate. That's why we need to dig beneath the surface of an issue to see and effect lasting change. When we ignore the weeds, they just grow deeper and become harder to uproot.

As we carefully dig out encroaching attitudes and influences, giving our children the emotional and spiritual care and space they need, they can flower into the healthy, thriving people they were created to be.

Raising children is seldom easy, but it's one of the most rewarding things you can do in life. With your loving care -- and your willingness to confront the negative influences that threaten their well-being -- your kids can develop into mature adults of character.

For more tips to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I have been married for several years. We've both had high hopes for what we want our relationship to be and thought we were well-prepared. But so far, we haven't found the balance we desire. Help?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: This is actually a very common scenario. And in many cases, the problem may be one of extremes.

We tend to forget that our upbringing has a significant influence on how we behave in our own marriage. For example, someone raised in a troubled home likely grew up with parents who constantly fought with one another. When that child reaches adulthood, they may do everything possible to avoid interacting as their parents did -- such as refusing to engage in conflict, even if it means they never express their opinion in the relationship.

In contrast, there's also a downside to growing up with parents who never allowed their conflict to be seen. Kids from these homes often feel their relationships have to be a carbon copies of their parents. So, when the first disagreement inevitably pops up in their marriage, they feel like failures and believe everything is lost before it even gets started.

Letting your expectations swing to either extreme can adversely affect (or even destroy) your relationship. The best solution is to find healthy middle ground. In other words, don't focus on fleeing the negativity of your past. But don't spend all of your energy trying to recreate the good parts, either.

Every marriage is unique. You and your spouse need to find an identity and "style" for your relationship that best fits your personalities. That's the only way to build a successful marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: In the five years I've been out of college, I've seen many of my peers already getting everything they want: great jobs, nice homes, travel, etc. But I can't help but notice that they still seem unhappy. I guess I want to take things slower -- is that weird?

Jim: Everywhere we look, we're surrounded by the danger signs of a world moving WAY too fast. From fast food to microwaves, mobile phones to on-demand streaming, we've become accustomed to easy and immediate results. The pressure to produce more in less time is constantly increasing. In the process, the ingredients we need to live well-rounded lives are being stripped away. That creates two big problems.

The first is a widespread attitude of entitlement and impatience. People want what they want, and they want it right now. We've forgotten that authentic success can't be rushed -- it generally takes hard work over a long period of time. But when people lose sight of this truth, they take problematic shortcuts to achieve maximum results with minimal effort. Think about athletes caught in doping scandals, or individuals hoping to lose weight without exercising or eating right. The list is endless.

A second problem with instant gratification is that it actually undermines and weakens character. Building success slowly gives us a chance to develop as people. And as our character is strengthened, so is our ability to handle success. Far too many people have raced to the top, only to lose it all ... because they lacked the character to handle the responsibility their success necessitated.

The faster our world moves, the more diligent we must be to pursue not only success, but character as well. As one writer expressed it: "We all want to be, but few of us are willing to become."

So, I don't think you're "weird" -- I think you're wise.

Q: My school-aged son has issues paying attention. How do I know whether he has ADHD? And even if he doesn't, how can I help him?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Inattentiveness isn't unusual in school-aged kids. However, formally diagnosing attention issues requires an extensive evaluation by a qualified professional -- including assessing your child's ability to function well at home, school and other settings.

In general, though, many things can contribute to a child's struggles to pay attention. Your son might be under-focused -- or he may be over-focused. Either scenario will require your understanding, patience and guidance.

If your son tends to be nervous or has difficulty letting certain thoughts go, he likely needs help unclogging his mental traffic jam. Patiently guide him in exploring what triggers his anxious thoughts. Help him learn to understand and respond properly to these thoughts as they show up throughout the day.

One strategy is to help him notice what he is trying to avoid -- and why. Ask him what he sees and what he thinks might happen. Then steer him toward other ways of viewing the same scenario. Set goals and moments of celebration for him as he sorts his mental traffic jam and gets traffic flowing so he can pay attention to other thoughts.

You might find that your son seems to jump from one thought to another -- as if his mind is chasing multiple shiny things at once -- but simply can't refocus his brain no matter how hard he tries. This could possibly be a sign of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (inattentive type). Contact your son's pediatrician or a child counselor, licensed clinical social worker or psychologist to consider a formal evaluation and plan.

There are many helpful strategies to help your son learn to direct and manage his attention as he matures. To explore more, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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