Q: I get really frustrated with my husband. He's always willing to play with our children, but when it comes to the practical side of parenting -- diapers, bath times, dinner -- I don't think he pulls his weight. What's a woman to do?

Jim: This is a fairly common source of tension between moms and dads. Men and women often have different viewpoints about parenting. You may feel it's just natural that tasks be shared, and in general, you're correct. But it might not be so obvious for your husband. Perhaps he wasn't expected to help around the house when he was younger. Or maybe his parents operated under clearly defined roles that now guide his thinking.

Whatever the reason, the key to resolution is communication between husband and wife. So, begin by sharing your concerns and see if, together, you can agree on ways to divide household duties to your mutual satisfaction.

If dialogue doesn't do the trick, counselors often suggest you lay out appropriate boundaries to help motivate Dad's involvement. For example, tell him he'll likely have to fix his own dinner since you'll be busy with things like feeding and bathing the kids, cleaning the house or grocery shopping. This isn't meant to punish your husband -- it's just communicating the realities of the workload around the house. If he likes sports, you might try using "team-based" descriptions to illustrate how different players may need to change assignments based on the game situation and play design. It also helps if he sees and hears from peer dads who have grasped the concept and live it out.

Fortunately, most guys will get the picture and step up. But if this remains a source of tension in your marriage, I invite you to contact our staff counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) or FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: What do I do if my child does not want to go to school?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are various reasons why kids don't want to go to school. They may feel bored in class, or they might struggle academically. Unfortunately, a common reason is that they may be picked on or bullied. The key is exploring and discovering what's underneath the surface.

If your child feels bored at school because it's just too easy, brainstorm with teachers for ways to make academics a bit more challenging. This might even involve considering alternative options, if feasible, such as homeschooling, private school or a magnet school.

If your child struggles academically, validate his efforts and work together to find help. Talk with teachers and/or the school counselor about extra support. You can also look for tutoring outside of school that fits your budget.

If your child is being bullied, you must advocate for her and equip her. Again, validate her feelings and interpretation; being bullied can feel demeaning and scary, so it's understandable why she would want to avoid school. Reserve time to attentively and patiently listen to her point of view about what's happening. Find out if school personnel are aware of the situation and discuss possible solutions with the principal, school counselor and teachers. Keep in mind that there are generally other educational options you can choose if necessary. The main thing is that you cannot just ignore what is happening to your child.

All of these possibilities require your attentiveness and intentional involvement. Pursue understanding of your child's behaviors rather than simply reacting to them. As a parent, your role in your children's lives is to advocate, provide for, guide and love them through the difficulties of life. They need to overcome challenges to grow.

For more practical parenting tips, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I'm a dad who could use some advice. I've always been close with my pre-teen daughter, who is a "hugger." But as she approaches puberty, I'm suddenly paranoid about how I can interact with her and still show affection appropriately. Do you have any insights?

Jim: I'm especially sensitive to this dilemma because of how it impacted my wife. When Jean and I first got married, she struggled with physical touch like hugging or holding hands. We talked about it numerous times. But one day Jean finally realized why touch was so difficult for her -- her father started withdrawing physical affection from her when she was about 12. She remembers her mother telling her father, "Honey, your girls are blossoming. It's not appropriate for you to touch them or hug them." So he just suddenly stopped.

That happens in many households. Dads stop showing affection to their daughters because they believe -- or they've been told -- that it's not appropriate. That idea might be well-meaning, but suddenly withdrawing your affection entirely sends your daughter a confusing message. She'll wonder, "Why doesn't Dad want to be close to me? What's wrong with me? Does he not love me anymore?"

Your daughter might feel like you're turning your back on her, or that you aren't interested in being around her anymore. That can inflict a deep emotional wound that she'll carry for the rest of her life. It could even affect her ability to enjoy her marriage with her husband someday -- and send her "looking for love in the wrong places" in the interim.

Dad, if you or your daughter feels self-conscious about the way she's developing, transparently discuss ways to communicate affection that you both find acceptable. You certainly want your daughter to feel comfortable, but don't withhold your affection entirely. She needs you.

Q: I hear relationship experts talking about how important it is to "listen to your spouse." So, I try to do that even when I'm holding my peace wanting to respond. We still have trouble communicating. What's the secret?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: The way many people interpret it, "listen to your spouse" just means "don't interrupt while they're talking." That's a good place to start, but active listening goes much deeper. Here are some suggestions.

First, stay focused. Don't let your thoughts wander when your spouse is talking -- it's not the time for you to formulate what you'll say next (and we all struggle with this). Honor your spouse by listening respectfully to what they're telling you. To do that, don't just hear what your spouse says, listen to what they mean. If you're not sure, allow them to finish and then ask for clarification.

Second, your body language shows if you're interested in what your spouse is saying. Nonverbal communication is just as important to effective dialogue as the words you use; in fact, many studies indicate that it's much more important. So, make (and hold) good eye contact and let your posture show you're open and attentive.

Finally, learn the unique ways your spouse communicates. If your mate likes feedback, repeat their comments back to them to assure them you're listening. On the other hand, your spouse may prefer you listen quietly until they've finished. In that case, nodding to acknowledge their points shows you're attentive and engaged.

Active listening is much more than not interrupting when your spouse talks. It communicates respect by showing you care what your mate thinks, feels, and says. It's a crucial ingredient to resolving problems and deepening your intimacy as a couple.

For more tips to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I won't give my exact age, but I'm somewhere "mid-life." My struggle is that I fear I've wasted too much time and won't ever achieve anything worthwhile. Do you have any thoughts or encouragement?

Jim: You might be in your thirties or forties, maybe even into your fifties. Regardless of your age, or what you have (or have not) done yet, keep looking forward. The best may be yet to come.

In fact, many notable people have achieved their greatest work late in life. Ray Kroc was almost 60 when he franchised his first McDonald's restaurant. Laura Ingalls Wilder, author of the "Little House on the Prairie" series, published her first book at age 64 and the last when she was 76. "Colonel" Harlan Sanders founded the Kentucky Fried Chicken company at age 65.

Julia Hawkins started bicycling in her 80s and took up running at age 100. She holds multiple 100-meter dash age-group world records, including for those over 105 years old!

Or consider Anna Moses. Arthritis finally forced her to give up her hobby of embroidery, so at 76 she picked up a paint brush for the first time. Before she died at 101, "Grandma" Moses had produced more than 1,500 paintings -- becoming one of the most celebrated artists in American history.

Admittedly, it can be discouraging to think that your young(er) adult years have slipped by without achieving goals important to you. But some people take a little longer to find their true passion and to develop the confidence and skills necessary to achieve their dreams.

So, why not live all of your life and concentrate on finishing well? It's never too late to try -- and learn -- something new. You just might find your niche in the process.

Q: I just found out my teen son has been vaping. What should I do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: The latest statistics from the National Youth Tobacco Survey estimate that around 1 in 8 teens use e-cigarettes. In some parts of the country, vaping use continues to rise.

Vaping's purpose for a teen is likely either trying to fit in or seeking a means to cope with life. Most teens say vaping is relaxing and justify using e-cigarettes by claiming they're not hurting anyone. However, they're hurting themselves. Anyone who cares about them should make every attempt to stop them from vaping because it's harmful to their health. Teens are prone to risk-taking, seeking approval, short-term rewards and stress, overriding potential long-term issues.

For teens, the desire to fit in outweighs most other considerations. Research shows that the teen brain views fitting in as part of survival, so they feel intense pressure to be accepted. As a result, the reward of peer acceptance is stronger than their intent to make responsible decisions.

Compassionately explore what your son is trying to solve with vaping -- the momentum of his mental, relational and emotional world. Get curious and implement consistent, strong boundaries to help him discover new coping mechanisms. Ask questions like "Why do you think vaping is a good idea?" or "I understand it helps you relax, but what is vaping solving for you since it's costing you so much?"

As you set boundaries on e-cigarette use, problem-solve together on other (i.e., healthy) coping options. Help him understand that although vaping seems to relieve stress, it actually puts his body into a stress response and makes him more dependent on a false sense of calmness. Stress is inevitable, and your son needs you to help him learn healthy coping mechanisms. Bring patience, clarity and consistency as you guide him toward true freedom and life.

For more helpful insights, see FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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