Q: My husband and I have been married for about two years. We're both already unhappy, and frankly we'd each have plenty of other options. What would you say to us before we split up?

Jim: First, the fact that you're even asking the question, rather than just divorcing, is a good sign. I'd suggest you consider this: Two-thirds of unhappy couples who stay together say their relationship is significantly better within five years. To achieve that, you and your spouse will need to make some strategic decisions.

Let me illustrate with a famous story from classic literature. In Homer's epic work, "Odyssey," Odysseus encountered the mysterious Island of the Sirens. These creatures' enchanting voices were so beautiful, they distracted sailors from their journey and imprisoned them forever. Knowing the dangers, Odysseus put wax in his crew's ears. He also ordered that he himself be tied securely to the ship's mast to prevent being lured away by the Sirens' seductive melody. Odysseus commanded his crew to remain true to their course no matter how bad their circumstances seemed.

Marriages in today's culture have become transient. Too often, we'll throw out relationships at the first sign of trouble. But marriage is a deeply binding commitment designed to help us weather our most difficult circumstances. It's a vow requiring us to "tie ourselves to the mast." You've got to dismiss the voices seeking to lure you away from your marriage or convince you that divorce is a quick fix for your troubles.

If your marriage is unhappy, it's not too late. Commit your relationship to a course of growth and healing. Sooner than you might think, you and your spouse can discover the relationship you've always dreamed of. We have plenty of resources available to help -- even if your marriage is foundering on the rocks -- at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I recently gave birth, which was an amazing experience. But in the weeks since, I've found myself struggling through a dark valley of emotional exhaustion and depression. Is this normal? What can I do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Your experience is quite normal -- common, in fact. Between 50% and 80% of new moms experience a temporary emotional slump, commonly known as "baby blues." About 10% suffer from the more severe form, known as postpartum depression.

The "baby blues" usually develop during the first week after delivery. Symptoms can include irritability, anxiety, tearfulness, lack of energy, insomnia, loss of appetite and difficulty concentrating. This emotional and physical slump typically resolves within two weeks, but I would recommend not ignoring it. Emotional support and practical assistance from your husband, family and friends are extremely important to any woman suffering from the "baby blues."

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a more serious condition that can arise during the first six months after childbirth and may last for several months. A mother with PPD may be so intensely depressed that she has difficulty caring for her baby. She might develop extreme, unrealistic anxiety over the infant's health. While the problem can also resolve itself in time, further help is likely needed (as with any other major depression). Seek professional assistance if symptoms continue for more than two weeks.

If you feel you might be suffering from PPD, our staff counselors will be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

A much less common, but far more intensive, disturbance described as postpartum psychosis occurs after about one in 1,000 deliveries. This condition may include delusions and/or hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, and even violent behavior. This should be considered a medical emergency and MUST be evaluated immediately by a qualified psychiatrist. Thankfully, it can be effectively treated with appropriate medication.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I have a co-worker who doesn't carry her share of the load. She's constantly on the phone, scrolling social media or talking with friends, and passing work off on other people. It's frustrating! But I'm afraid if I "tell on her" it would only make me look bad. What should I do?

Jim: I think most of us have experienced something like this at some point. Too many people try to avoid conflict. But ignoring the problem only leads to an explosion of emotions down the road. And even if you're justified, losing your temper is never in your best interest.

I'd suggest that you start by dealing with yourself and identifying your feelings. You may feel disrespected, powerless, or exploited -- and it's important to acknowledge this. Only then will you be ready to effectively address the problem.

Next, and as difficult as it might be, you need to go directly -- and privately -- to your co-worker, and share your concerns and observations. Don't do this in anger, but with a humble spirit and an empathetic heart that seeks to understand. You may possibly be surprised to discover some personal issues, such as a family crisis, that could partially account for some of the poor or distracted behaviors.

Best case, you'll receive a reasonable explanation and a commitment to change. But if you're confronted with defiance or indifference, you'll next want to involve your supervisor. Rather than go on your own, schedule a time with both your boss and the coworker. Don't look to accuse or assign blame. Your goal should be to objectively share your observations and ask for clarity on how the workload is supposed to be divvied up. This should put your coworker on notice that you're no longer willing to enable her problematic behavior.

Q: I recently heard someone reference "sadfishing." What is it, and what should I know as a parent?

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: Sadfishing might sound like a bad day on the lake. But it's actually a term that describes people oversharing emotional struggles online.

The term sadfishing dates back to 2019. Journalist Rebecca Reid coined it to describe someone who dramatically poured out her emotions to attract sympathy. In this case, it was Kendall Jenner complaining about her "debilitating struggle" with acne (which was ultimately revealed to be a manipulative marketing ploy for skin-care products).

Since then, sadfishing has taken on a broader meaning. As it applies to adolescents on social media, sadfishing encompasses a pattern of posting dramatic, emotional posts online for the sake of attention or validation. And the pattern part is important.

Many people share emotion-laden posts. Sadfishing is when such posts become habitual. Experts suggest that a pattern like this is both a cry for attention and a warning sign that a child doesn't have anyone to help them process their emotions.

In extreme cases, sadfishing may hint at a signal to self-harm. Phrases like "I'm at my breaking point," "No one ever really understands," "I just feel so alone" or "I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be around" can signal anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation.

If we notice our kids are regularly posting attention-seeking content, how should we respond? First, resist the urge to fix or to minimize. What they need instead is our presence. We might say: "It seems like you've been posting some hard stuff on your Instagram account lately -- do you want to talk about it?" They may decline an initial invitation. But telling them that the door is open for conversation can combat that sense of isolation that they feel.

Because what our kids are really fishing for is love. Acceptance. A listening ear. Us.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: The other day, my seven-year-old son came home crying after watching a kids' movie at a friend's house. He was upset because one of the film's characters was mistreated by other children throughout the movie. Even though it was all fiction, my son was troubled for the rest of the day. Should I be concerned about this level and display of emotion?

Jim: Perhaps my own experience can be of some value here. I was only nine when my mom died, but I still vividly remember what people told me over and over the day of her funeral. They said, "Be a big boy, and don't cry." Now, I'm sure they meant well, but comments like that send a skewed message to young boys. It falsely conveys that real men don't show emotion ... that a man is all strength but no heart.

In my case, I wanted to be strong for my mom. According to the adult voices around me, that meant I wasn't allowed to shed a tear. So, I went through the whole funeral struggling to suppress my emotions. I remember looking into my mom's casket and thinking, "I gotta' stay strong and be a man."

That's not just a heavy burden for a young child to bear, it communicates the wrong idea about what real manhood looks and acts like. Sure, strength is a crucial aspect of masculinity. Courage, integrity and character are what makes a man a good husband and father.

But being a strong man doesn't mean guys should be robots. Our wives and children need us to be able to feel. That means not only expressing our emotions freely and appropriately, but being sensitive to theirs as well.

Authentic masculinity isn't a choice between strength or tenderness. It's about strength AND tenderness. I encourage you to help your son cultivate both characteristics.

Q: My husband and I are newlyweds. We're starting to discover (the hard way) that we deal with life stresses differently, and we're already struggling to understand each other. We didn't expect this -- what can we do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Welcome to married life -- and a reality check! Stress often causes us to function in an out-of-balance mode where we end up operating in the extremes of our personalities.

Studies have long shown that men and women deal with stress differently. As a man's stress level increases, his body produces more oxytocin hormone, which is further influenced by testosterone. These chemicals trigger a fight-or-flight response. In other words, when stressed, men either act more aggressively, or withdraw ("go into their cave").

Women also produce more oxytocin, but since it's coupled with estrogen, there's a different result. Under stress, women tend to lean into relationships -- either protectively nurturing their children or seeking out other female friends. Researchers have called this the "tend-and-befriend" response.

These varying chemical reactions set men and women up to generally respond very differently during times of stress. And that's a recipe for tension in marriage. Women want to connect, while men may feel more ready to either pick a fight or withdraw. Understanding that contrast can go a long way toward helping you find common ground.

I should clarify that gender differences can seem pretty stereotypical. This scenario may look somewhat different in your marriage, but researchers have found it to occur in many relationships.

The way you respond to your spouse when they're under stress has a direct impact on their behavior toward you -- and, of course, vice versa. As we continue to understand how our mates are different, it allows us to love them more fully.

For insights on connecting and thriving as a couple, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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