Q: I'm a firm believer in budgeting, but my husband doesn't think it will work in our situation. How can I convince him that this approach is important?

Jim: Finances are one of the most significant -- and common -- issues in any marriage. Disagreements about money can create huge problems between husband and wife. But the need for good communication is even more important. In fact, communication is absolutely fundamental to the health and longevity of your relationship. So before tackling the budgeting and finances question, I strongly suggest you take steps to strengthen the foundation of your marriage. That includes reading up on the subjects of marital communication and goal setting. (We can help with that -- see below).

That being said, I'll hazard a guess that "your situation" is probably one that's faced by millions of families: Your bills are bigger than your paycheck and you're spending more than you're earning. The good news is that there is HOPE -- even if it doesn't seem like it. You might need to seek professional assistance, but if you and your husband can learn to communicate better and get on the same page, you can develop a workable plan for gaining control of your finances.

The key is to learn how to live on less than you earn -- which is really what a budget is all about. In the process, you can:

-- Establish a spending plan

-- Reduce stress

-- Encourage saving

-- Discourage debt

-- Facilitate flexibility

-- Allow for the unexpected

-- Encourage charitable giving

Setting up a budget requires discussing and establishing your priorities. That will take you a long way in the direction of relational and financial harmony.

We have plenty of resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com. If you feel you need more direct assistance sorting through these ideas and applying them to your situation, feel free to give our counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My daughter is a wonderful child but doesn't always see her own value. I believe in her -- and yet I sometimes have trouble communicating that to her. How can I build my child up?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are many factors -- and types of people -- generally impacting who and what we become. Let's talk about three types of "builders" your child needs: investors, influencers, and encouragers.

Who are the investors in your daughter's life? These are people who contribute their time, talents, money and advice. I had several coaches during my teen years who invested time in me. For example, I was awful at tennis in high school. But one coach believed in me and took time to help me become a better player. Eventually I won a tennis scholarship my second year of college, all because someone invested in me.

What about the positive influencers in your daughter's life? These are wise life decision-makers your daughter admires and trusts. They teach and model good examples. These may include siblings, friends, teachers, mentors, coaches and, of course, parents.

Who are encouragers in your daughter's life? These individuals' words propel us forward, reminding us of our value, direction and purpose. (Unfortunately, many of us tend to pay more attention to the critics.) My high school principal stopped me once and said, "You're going to be a great leader someday." Those were profound, fueling words. He may not remember that moment of encouragement, but I'll never forget it.

I urge you to commit to consistently investing in your daughter, positively influencing and persistently encouraging her along the way. And remind her to not give critics too much airtime in her mind.

For more practical parenting tips and tools to help your child thrive, see FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: As a dad, I definitely want to make my kids a priority. But I just don't have time! What can I do?

Jim: I get it: Life is busy, and it's challenging to balance work, home and our children's activities. But I think the opportunity to engage with our kids is often right in front of us if we'll just watch for it.

When my son, Troy, was in eighth grade, I served as an assistant coach for his football team. Every time we pulled into the park where practices for various sports were being held, there were always lots of kids and lots of vehicles. But I would notice car after car with a parent sitting inside. They were usually on their phone -- talking, looking at social media or playing a game to pass the time. Occasionally, I even saw a dad taking a nap. Few, if any, ever actually watched practice or even got out of the car.

I felt like those parents were missing a golden opportunity. They could have been cheering their children from the sidelines. So what if it's not an actual game? Even when the activity is something we might consider "insignificant," it's not insignificant to our kids. And most importantly, it's a chance to be engaged in their world.

Sports practice is just one of those areas, but there are many others. Spend 10 minutes reading to younger kids before bed. If they're older, take a few minutes at breakfast before you rush out the door. Bring a child along on that run to the store. The key is to look for small moments that might otherwise be wasted, and intentionally choose to spend time with your children.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm looking forward to getting married soon. Friends have told my fiance and I to expect some "normal" disagreements. But we're worried we might fight about the wrong things. What topics are OK to argue about?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Both of you see the world through different eyes, so it's inevitable that you'll disagree on some things: money, sex, in-laws, who should do the laundry, the list goes on and on. But you can actually "fight your way to a better marriage" -- in fact (semi-shameless plug), my wife and I literally wrote the book by that title.

The key here is that what you argue about is far less important than how you argue. Some couples approach fights with one goal in mind: winning at all costs. Rather than listening to one another or trying to understand each other's point of view, they go on the offensive to get their own way. That's when things can get ugly, with criticism and name calling -- or, heaven forbid, even verbal or physical threats. These destructive behaviors will scar your marriage long after your disagreement has been resolved or abandoned. You're attacking your spouse, not the problem.

It's far better to pursue a solution that works as equitably as possible for both of you. When your ultimate goal is the health and well-being of your relationship, you can work through almost anything. The more complicated the issue, the more important healthy choices become. You can be stubborn, or you can be understanding. You can be self-righteous, or you can be humble. You can be defensive, or you can be open to your spouse's feelings.

Winning an argument is a hollow "victory" if you're wrecking your marriage in the process. Attack the problem, not each other, and make a strong relationship your goal. We have resources to help (including counseling consultations and referrals) at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I have been married for about two years. We're both already unhappy, and frankly we'd each have plenty of other options. What would you say to us before we split up?

Jim: First, the fact that you're even asking the question, rather than just divorcing, is a good sign. I'd suggest you consider this: Two-thirds of unhappy couples who stay together say their relationship is significantly better within five years. To achieve that, you and your spouse will need to make some strategic decisions.

Let me illustrate with a famous story from classic literature. In Homer's epic work, "Odyssey," Odysseus encountered the mysterious Island of the Sirens. These creatures' enchanting voices were so beautiful, they distracted sailors from their journey and imprisoned them forever. Knowing the dangers, Odysseus put wax in his crew's ears. He also ordered that he himself be tied securely to the ship's mast to prevent being lured away by the Sirens' seductive melody. Odysseus commanded his crew to remain true to their course no matter how bad their circumstances seemed.

Marriages in today's culture have become transient. Too often, we'll throw out relationships at the first sign of trouble. But marriage is a deeply binding commitment designed to help us weather our most difficult circumstances. It's a vow requiring us to "tie ourselves to the mast." You've got to dismiss the voices seeking to lure you away from your marriage or convince you that divorce is a quick fix for your troubles.

If your marriage is unhappy, it's not too late. Commit your relationship to a course of growth and healing. Sooner than you might think, you and your spouse can discover the relationship you've always dreamed of. We have plenty of resources available to help -- even if your marriage is foundering on the rocks -- at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I recently gave birth, which was an amazing experience. But in the weeks since, I've found myself struggling through a dark valley of emotional exhaustion and depression. Is this normal? What can I do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Your experience is quite normal -- common, in fact. Between 50% and 80% of new moms experience a temporary emotional slump, commonly known as "baby blues." About 10% suffer from the more severe form, known as postpartum depression.

The "baby blues" usually develop during the first week after delivery. Symptoms can include irritability, anxiety, tearfulness, lack of energy, insomnia, loss of appetite and difficulty concentrating. This emotional and physical slump typically resolves within two weeks, but I would recommend not ignoring it. Emotional support and practical assistance from your husband, family and friends are extremely important to any woman suffering from the "baby blues."

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a more serious condition that can arise during the first six months after childbirth and may last for several months. A mother with PPD may be so intensely depressed that she has difficulty caring for her baby. She might develop extreme, unrealistic anxiety over the infant's health. While the problem can also resolve itself in time, further help is likely needed (as with any other major depression). Seek professional assistance if symptoms continue for more than two weeks.

If you feel you might be suffering from PPD, our staff counselors will be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

A much less common, but far more intensive, disturbance described as postpartum psychosis occurs after about one in 1,000 deliveries. This condition may include delusions and/or hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, and even violent behavior. This should be considered a medical emergency and MUST be evaluated immediately by a qualified psychiatrist. Thankfully, it can be effectively treated with appropriate medication.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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