Q: My cousin and his wife recently adopted a child. My husband and I had never thought about doing that, but now we're curious. I've heard you're a big proponent of adoption -- why?

Jim: Let me do a little name-dropping: Babe Ruth. Eleanor Roosevelt. Nelson Mandela. Nancy Reagan. President Gerald Ford. Dave Thomas (the founder of Wendy's). Steve Jobs. These successful people all share the distinct privilege of having been adopted as children.

I spent a year in the foster care system myself, so I know what it means to be an orphan. I also know the stability and nurturing a loving adoptive family can provide a child.

That's why I never forget that there are thousands of children across the country -- and around the world -- who need a family to bring them into their home, to love them, and to show them their worth. No doubt, adopting a child is a serious responsibility. But the rewards are priceless. And it can make all the difference in the life of a young person in need -- literally changing their entire future.

Admittedly, not every adopted child will grow up to be a head of state like Nelson Mandela or a groundbreaking entrepreneur like Steve Jobs. But we can't overstate the lifelong impact that growing up in a loving adoptive family can have on a child. Everyone needs love, a sense of worth, and the security of knowing that we belong. Without the gift of adoption, many children will grow up without those things.

For more information about helping an adopted child to thrive -- or coming alongside a family that has adopted -- visit FocusOnTheFamily.com. And if you'd like to read some inspiring stories, I highly recommend a book by my friend Paul Batura titled "Chosen for Greatness: How Adoption Changes the World."

Q: How can I help my young kids learn to manage their emotions?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Whether in humor or in desperation, I hear this question a lot! Children begin learning self-awareness and self-control between the ages of 3 and 5. Your adaptability and intentionality help children navigate the colorful and challenging world of emotions from an early age. Here are six things you can teach your kids to do:

1. Notice Emotions. Have your kids stop to take inventory of their feelings -- positive, negative, good or bad. Then, have them try to explain what they feel at that moment.

2. Name Emotions. Use tools like an emotions wheel for accuracy. Labeling emotions correctly results in being clearly understood and known.

3. Explore "Thought Bubbles." Write out some of the thoughts that caused specific emotions to pop out. Draw out separate "thought bubbles" for each so they see they have several different thoughts to choose from. As they get older, ask how (and why) they chose the thought bubble they did.

4. Explore Interpretations. Teach empathy by helping your child consider interpretations beyond their own experience. For example, they could say, "Maybe the kid who was rude was having a bad day and not intentionally wanting to be mean to me."

5. Consider the Impact. Discuss how emotions influence actions and affect others. Celebrate when your child expresses negative emotions respectfully or brings positive emotions as a gift to others.

6. Decide Which They Want More -- and Why? Together, explore what leads to the desired emotions. Make a menu of thoughts, relationships, and experiences that create those positive emotions for your child and show them how others may also enjoy those things.

As you listen to your kids share, build trust by validating the experience of their emotions, perceptions and relationships. For more practical age and stage parenting tips, visit www.MyKidsAge.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I want to be a good dad to my two young kids, but I struggle relating with them. I've got a successful career in sales and have no problem connecting well with my clients on an adult level. Do you have any tips on learning to speak "child"?

Jim: You may already have a finely honed skill that'll get you most of the way there. You're probably familiar with the common sales technique of "mirroring" -- it may actually help you with your parenting.

Researchers have often found that sales representatives who mirror their customers' emotions and mannerisms are more likely to close a deal. It helps the customer feel at ease and believe the salesperson really understands their needs. So, the customer is more likely to trust the sales rep and take their advice.

Moms and dads who want to connect with their children can also use mirroring as an effective technique. It's fairly straightforward: Pay close attention to your kids' individual personalities, then be sensitive to those unique traits as an open door to each child's heart. For example, if your son is always on the move, he might talk with you more easily when you're playing a game together. But with a daughter who is quiet, your best conversations could happen after bedtime stories.

Parenting is a challenging job. Connecting with our children is vital so they'll learn to trust what we say above all the competing messages that bombard them each day. The bottom line: When we meet each of our kids on their level, by mirroring their interests and personalities, we stand a greater chance of influencing their lives.

You can find plenty of ideas and practical tools to help your family thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for about 18 months. Around other people, he's warm and friendly. But when it's just us, he can be very controlling. He gets upset if he doesn't get his way or if I don't do as he wishes. It doesn't take much to irritate him. Friends tell me to stand up for myself, but that just seems to make things worse. I really love this man -- what can I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Unfortunately, it sounds like a hard reality check is overdue here. Realistically, you can't make your boyfriend become less controlling. Our behavior can impact and influence others, but true heart change only comes with God's help and individual personal choice.

You mentioned that friends have encouraged you to "stand up for yourself," and that might be good advice -- depending on what it means. It doesn't mean you can go toe-to-toe with your boyfriend as if you were confronting the class bully. That's a no-win scenario. Instead, you need to develop and demonstrate self-respect. The fact that you've put up with this behavior for this long suggests to me that you could benefit from the regular support of a wise professional counselor. See our website (above) for a local referral, or call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Meanwhile, standing up for yourself also means establishing some very clear boundaries with your boyfriend. If you do decide to try to continue on in a relationship -- and I strongly encourage you to give that question serious deliberation -- you must insist that he get ongoing individual counseling for his anger and control issues. Those behaviors are enormous red flags. If he's serious about his love and concern for you, he'll get the help he needs and make the necessary changes. Otherwise, you're better off without him. Work on getting yourself healthy and trust God for a new and better beginning.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I'm a firm believer in budgeting, but my husband doesn't think it will work in our situation. How can I convince him that this approach is important?

Jim: Finances are one of the most significant -- and common -- issues in any marriage. Disagreements about money can create huge problems between husband and wife. But the need for good communication is even more important. In fact, communication is absolutely fundamental to the health and longevity of your relationship. So before tackling the budgeting and finances question, I strongly suggest you take steps to strengthen the foundation of your marriage. That includes reading up on the subjects of marital communication and goal setting. (We can help with that -- see below).

That being said, I'll hazard a guess that "your situation" is probably one that's faced by millions of families: Your bills are bigger than your paycheck and you're spending more than you're earning. The good news is that there is HOPE -- even if it doesn't seem like it. You might need to seek professional assistance, but if you and your husband can learn to communicate better and get on the same page, you can develop a workable plan for gaining control of your finances.

The key is to learn how to live on less than you earn -- which is really what a budget is all about. In the process, you can:

-- Establish a spending plan

-- Reduce stress

-- Encourage saving

-- Discourage debt

-- Facilitate flexibility

-- Allow for the unexpected

-- Encourage charitable giving

Setting up a budget requires discussing and establishing your priorities. That will take you a long way in the direction of relational and financial harmony.

We have plenty of resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com. If you feel you need more direct assistance sorting through these ideas and applying them to your situation, feel free to give our counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My daughter is a wonderful child but doesn't always see her own value. I believe in her -- and yet I sometimes have trouble communicating that to her. How can I build my child up?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are many factors -- and types of people -- generally impacting who and what we become. Let's talk about three types of "builders" your child needs: investors, influencers, and encouragers.

Who are the investors in your daughter's life? These are people who contribute their time, talents, money and advice. I had several coaches during my teen years who invested time in me. For example, I was awful at tennis in high school. But one coach believed in me and took time to help me become a better player. Eventually I won a tennis scholarship my second year of college, all because someone invested in me.

What about the positive influencers in your daughter's life? These are wise life decision-makers your daughter admires and trusts. They teach and model good examples. These may include siblings, friends, teachers, mentors, coaches and, of course, parents.

Who are encouragers in your daughter's life? These individuals' words propel us forward, reminding us of our value, direction and purpose. (Unfortunately, many of us tend to pay more attention to the critics.) My high school principal stopped me once and said, "You're going to be a great leader someday." Those were profound, fueling words. He may not remember that moment of encouragement, but I'll never forget it.

I urge you to commit to consistently investing in your daughter, positively influencing and persistently encouraging her along the way. And remind her to not give critics too much airtime in her mind.

For more practical parenting tips and tools to help your child thrive, see FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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