Q: My adult nephew seems to have lost his way in life; he's behaving in ways that are completely foreign to our family's values. This situation grieves me deeply and my inclination is to just cut him out of our lives. Do you have any advice?

Jim: Many families encounter this difficult scenario. While I understand your feelings, I'd suggest you not give up on your loved one. You never know when a seed may take root and bloom. Let me share a story as an example.

Back in the mid-1960s, an archaeological dig in Israel uncovered a cache of date palm seeds nearly 2,000 years old. Most experts logically assumed that, having lain dormant for 2 millennia in such an arid climate, the seeds were dead and useless outside of their historic value. But some of the seeds were given to professors at a Jerusalem university to conduct scientific experiments. Surprisingly, the seeds germinated soon after being planted. In fact, within just a few years the date palm tree they produced was thriving and stood nearly eight feet tall.

That's a powerful reminder for families with a loved one who's wandering. When someone's life seems barren and directionless, it can feel as if their circumstances will never improve. But many of our lives are like that desert seed that blossomed into a beautiful tree against all expectations. Even when it seems like nothing is happening, you never know what potential may already be stirring inside someone's heart.

Sure, we can't be naive when a loved one is making poor choices; it's important to wisely enforce appropriate boundaries. But we have to remain hopeful that a wonderful transformation could be underway. And I can't over-emphasize the importance of praying for our loved ones and letting God work in their lives in His will and timing.

Q: In preparing for our wedding, my fiancee and I are asking various people -- family, friends and experts -- for their best marriage tips. Greg, what's your top advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! There are many things I could say, but I'll go with this: Your chances for a successful marriage increase dramatically when you both agree to temper the ways you speak to one another.

Stop to consider the power of the words we speak. They can build up and heal our relationships, or they can tear them down and destroy them. Careless words are like runaway horses -- once they're out in the open, they'll lead you down trails you never intended to travel. That's why it's so important to put up strong fences early in your relationship to guide you in what you should -- and should NOT -- say to one another.

One of the most effective boundaries for protecting a relationship is to remove even the thought of divorce from your conversations at all costs. Some people foolishly resort to threatening to end the marriage as a tactic for getting their way. Every relationship encounters disagreement at times. But if you allow yourself, in the heat of an argument, to even raise the possibility of divorce, it suddenly becomes a "real option." Instead, resolve that, come what may, divorce is absolutely off-limits. That will motivate you to seek other, constructive ways to settle your differences.

Make no mistake: Trouble will come to your relationship. That's part of being human. But take "divorce" out of your vocabulary and work on finding other opportunities for resolving the issues you face.

We have tons of resources to help build and maintain strong marriages at FocusOnTheFamily.com. For an enlightening (and free!) relationship assessment, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/TheMarriageAssessment.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I love our young children -- but it often seems like we can't even find two minutes to have a meaningful conversation as a couple. Still, we feel guilty about wanting a break from the kids once in a while. Help!

Jim: This is actually a common challenge for most parents -- and it's no surprise that the biggest obstacles are typically time and money. Some outside-the-box thinking and expectation adjustment can go a long way toward facilitating the needed "adult time."

For example, your budget might not allow for a weekly babysitter and restaurant dinner. If so, choose one night a week to get the kids in bed early, put a pizza in the oven, and enjoy each other's company. There are also various ways you can get creative about finding childcare in order to free yourselves up for regular dates. Grandparents or a trusted older couple from church may be eager to step in and help. Another strategy is to share and swap babysitting responsibilities with other young parents: One couple goes out while the other cares for both sets of kids; the following week, they trade places. If the cost of a night out on the town is prohibitive, grab something to go and head for the park. Relaxing and spending meaningful time together doesn't have to be expensive.

The point is: The benefits are worth the time and effort. Think back to the time you had with your spouse before your first baby arrived. My guess is that you'll recall many special moments that brought -- and kept -- the two of you close together. Even if you can't find the same time you once enjoyed, take whatever you can get. Make it a priority to consciously look for any and all opportunities to connect as a couple.

Q: My friend has been venting about how her teens lack critical thinking skills and are easily swayed by others' opinions. How can I help my younger children develop critical thinking skills early?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is an important question, especially in today's digital age. Kids are bombarded with clickbait, misleading data, misinformation, and strong opinions. We parents are positioned to help them develop critical thinking skills.

Here are six opportunities you can give your children to help them develop discernment from an early age:

-- Think. Give your kids things to think about. Encourage puzzles or other mental challenges to develop this skill. Ask questions. For example, while shopping, talk about each item, consider pricing, and have them help determine the best choices.

-- Explore. Foster curiosity in your children -- and let them know when they're exploring well! Investigate subjects and issues together, digging deep for possibly hidden details.

-- Wonder. Some children seem to come out of the womb asking questions, but many lose that art. By seeking answers, children gain insights, clarity and perspective. From an early age, ask questions with them. For example, "Is there another way to look at this?"

-- Observe and Explain. Around the age of four, children can give an account of what happened in their experience and explain it from their point of view. Encourage them to describe and explain their experiences by using three skills -- think, explore and ask questions -- as they make everyday observations.

-- Disagree Respectfully. Teaching kids how to disagree respectfully develops self-confidence, respect and trust. It helps them learn to think independently, explore possibilities, and pursue important questions while navigating a relationship.

-- Solve problems. Allow children to tackle problems -- including failing and trying again. Emphasize practice over perfection.

Modeling persistence and the pursuit of truth gives your family the space to practice these skills. For more parenting tips, visit www.FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My two "tweens" tell me they love school with all of the activities they're involved in and seeing their friends daily. But this school year they seem to be increasingly irritable; every morning is a battle to get them both going and out the door without setting off a tantrum. Do you have any advice?

Jim: It's worth evaluating to see if your children might be caught in what researchers call the "fatigue whirlpool." That's the downward spiral of poor sleep and poor behavior that disrupts many households.

If your kids' schedules are so jam-packed that they fall into bed each night exhausted, then barely drag themselves out of bed for school the next morning, then you've got a problem. As fatigue sets in, their attitude will start to spiral. Soon you're in the whirlpool where lack of sleep and poor behavior feed off each other.

The solution is to adjust your schedules to help your children get more sleep. Experts say that kids need nine or 10 hours of sleep to be at their best. That might not be possible every night, but when they're well-rested they'll think more clearly and feel more engaged.

One of the best tactics is a "lights out" policy. Light exposure suppresses melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep. So turn off the lights -- especially the screens -- and all of those illuminated gadgets in your kids' rooms. A night light or a small lamp is OK, but the darker the room, the better. When my sons were teens our household rule was to charge electronics overnight in the kitchen.

Think about routines, think about consistency, and think about timing. Those are the keys to get out of the fatigue whirlpool.

By the way: We adults are vulnerable to the same patterns. If you find yourself acting grumpy, work on getting more sleep!

Q: I've been married 18 months. My husband has been invited to take an out-of-state trip with a male friend. Is it a good idea for married couples to take separate vacations? I've always thought that those times should be spent exclusively with each other.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I'd say there are two different questions you and your husband need to answer. The first is: Does your husband want to go, and if so, why would this be a bad thing for your relationship? The uncertainty you've expressed isn't uncommon, especially for newlyweds who typically feel they've found total fulfillment in each other. But this attitude is neither realistic nor healthy. Regardless of how much they have in common or enjoy one another, both spouses need interaction with others to continue growing as individuals -- and therefore growing together.

The second question a spouse considering a separate vacation should ask is: Why do I want to? There could be many good reasons. In your husband's case, it might be to develop a deeper, encouraging relationship with his friend. In others, one spouse may have a strong desire to travel somewhere that's just not appealing to the other. As family life progresses, it could be an opportunity for mom or dad to bond one-on-one with a child.

With all that said -- separate vacations should always be an "addition," not a substitute, for time as a couple. If there are tensions and difficulties in your marriage, and the desire is actually to escape from having to deal with these issues, the time away will only amplify the problems in your relationship and lead to a greater sense of loneliness. But otherwise, a long weekend away with the girls, or camping with the guys, can be a good way to rejuvenate, grow and strengthen a healthy marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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