Q: My wife and I are committed to helping our kids explore their natural talents in sports, music, and other areas as they grow up. But every time we try something new, the kids seem to hate it. I'm perplexed -- what's the secret?

Jim: The first question to ask is a powerful one: "Who's more interested in this activity -- my child, or me?"

I'll share a personal story as an example. My sons are grown now. But when our oldest, Trent, was 5, we signed him up for T-ball. On the first day, the coach sent the two of us to the outfield. The moment I'd been waiting for was here -- father and son, bonding together over baseball.

However ... about 30 minutes passed with virtually no action. I leaned down and asked Trent, "Are you doin' OK?" He replied: "Not really, Dad." It was obvious his heart just wasn't in it. "Would you rather get a milkshake?" "Yeah, let's do that," he said. And Trent's baseball career came to a close.

A few years later, my son who didn't like baseball couldn't wait to tell me when he won the chess club championship. He found a form of competition that appealed to the way he's wired -- and I learned a valuable lesson. There's (usually) no cheering from the sidelines in chess. But I could be a super-proud dad watching my son apply his gifts and intellect to something he loves and excels at doing.

As parents, we want our children to try different activities, have fun, and develop their natural talents. But we're prone to steering them toward things that we enjoy instead of the ones they'd prefer. The key is to constantly study our kids and watch for what excites them, even (especially) if it's something we're not all that interested in ourselves. And when in doubt: Ask them.

Q: When my wife is making decisions, I try to politely make reasonable suggestions to help -- but it usually doesn't go over well. I can't understand why she's so resistant to good advice. Am I missing something?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: In an ideal situation, husbands and wives should be able to offer each other advice in ways that strengthen their relationship. But that's seldom how it works out. Most of us struggle to accept "constructive feedback" from our spouses, even when it's wise counsel.

Here are some tips to help avoid the baggage that often accompanies advice-giving.

-- First, remember that unsolicited advice can be hard to swallow. Before you speak, ask your wife if she's open to hearing what you have to say. If not, stop. If so, carefully share your thoughts in a tone that will help her feel loved and cared for.

-- Second, check your motives. Pause to assess how you're feeling toward your spouse in the moment and why you want to give advice. If you're a little angry and want to push a few buttons, it's best to stay silent for the time being. Wait to share your thoughts until you're more in control of your emotions.

-- Finally, create and maintain an environment where it's safe for advice to be shared and received. You can build safety in your relationship by building each other up daily, encouraging one another, and nurturing each other in ways that are loving and honoring. And never give advice in a tone or manner that demeans or insults your spouse.

In a marriage that's sustained by love and encouragement, mutual advice-giving can become a positive and enriching part of daily life. I pray that's the case for you.

You'll find lots more information to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I are classic examples of "opposites attract." We deeply love each other even though we hold different spiritual and social beliefs. We're expecting our first child, and we plan on always showing her both our perspectives as she grows so she'll be well-rounded. Do you agree that's the right approach?

Jim: Actually, many parents underestimate just how important it is to be in close alignment with one another concerning values in the home. And while it's challenging for adults to handle the emotion of conflicting viewpoints, it's much worse for children.

Let's use an illustration. Have you ever seen a circus performer who rides into the arena standing atop two horses, one under each foot? That stunt only works as long as both horses remain side by side. But if either horse angles even slightly in a different direction ... the person on top will come tumbling down, or he'll have to choose one horse or the other to keep his footing.

That's the dilemma in too many homes. When parents hold conflicting values, it's like the horses underneath the child are splitting in different directions. That creates a no-win situation. No matter what the child does, they'll be crossing one of their parents and will feel caught in the middle of the adults' disagreement. That stressful situation is a heavy burden for a child to bear, especially if it becomes a pattern. Life starts to feel unstable and frightening. And when children feel scared, it typically shows up through negative behavior.

So, I strongly advise you and your spouse to put in the work to reach mutual consensus on key values -- if not for peace in your marriage, then certainly for the sake of your child.

Q: My kids argue constantly, always wanting what the other has. How can I help them be more grateful and kind to each other?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Good news! Even asking the question shows you're on the right track. Gratitude and kindness are crucial for a child's development. Here are some practical strategies to help kids learn how to be thankful, serve others, and manage their emotional reactions:

1. Practice gratitude. Encourage your children to focus on what they have rather than what they lack. Model it by daily discussing things you're thankful for, helping them develop a positive mindset.

2. Promote service and humility. Helping others makes us feel good. Engage in family volunteer activities or encourage small acts of kindness at home. This can boost kids' moods and teach empathy. Learning the discipline of humility young helps children become more attentive to others rather than focusing on their own perspective.

3. Distinguish needs from wants. Help your kids understand the difference between necessities and desires. When they claim to "need" something, guide them to explore the underlying reasons for their wants.

4. Implement the $1 technique. Set a five-minute timer when conflicts arise, allowing kids to resolve issues independently. If they can't, charge $1 per minute to help them learn conflict resolution. The least flexible child pays the bill.

5. Explore emotions. When strong feelings emerge, help your children identify and understand them. Ask questions like, "What do you really want?" or "Why do you feel this toy is so important?"

6. Teach patience. Use waiting periods before granting requests to help children learn delayed gratification and reduce impulsive demands.

7. Model behavior. Demonstrate gratitude and kindness in your actions, as children often mimic their parents' behavior.

Applying these strategies consistently will help your children develop a more grateful and considerate attitude toward each other and their possessions. For more, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My adult nephew seems to have lost his way in life; he's behaving in ways that are completely foreign to our family's values. This situation grieves me deeply and my inclination is to just cut him out of our lives. Do you have any advice?

Jim: Many families encounter this difficult scenario. While I understand your feelings, I'd suggest you not give up on your loved one. You never know when a seed may take root and bloom. Let me share a story as an example.

Back in the mid-1960s, an archaeological dig in Israel uncovered a cache of date palm seeds nearly 2,000 years old. Most experts logically assumed that, having lain dormant for 2 millennia in such an arid climate, the seeds were dead and useless outside of their historic value. But some of the seeds were given to professors at a Jerusalem university to conduct scientific experiments. Surprisingly, the seeds germinated soon after being planted. In fact, within just a few years the date palm tree they produced was thriving and stood nearly eight feet tall.

That's a powerful reminder for families with a loved one who's wandering. When someone's life seems barren and directionless, it can feel as if their circumstances will never improve. But many of our lives are like that desert seed that blossomed into a beautiful tree against all expectations. Even when it seems like nothing is happening, you never know what potential may already be stirring inside someone's heart.

Sure, we can't be naive when a loved one is making poor choices; it's important to wisely enforce appropriate boundaries. But we have to remain hopeful that a wonderful transformation could be underway. And I can't over-emphasize the importance of praying for our loved ones and letting God work in their lives in His will and timing.

Q: In preparing for our wedding, my fiancee and I are asking various people -- family, friends and experts -- for their best marriage tips. Greg, what's your top advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! There are many things I could say, but I'll go with this: Your chances for a successful marriage increase dramatically when you both agree to temper the ways you speak to one another.

Stop to consider the power of the words we speak. They can build up and heal our relationships, or they can tear them down and destroy them. Careless words are like runaway horses -- once they're out in the open, they'll lead you down trails you never intended to travel. That's why it's so important to put up strong fences early in your relationship to guide you in what you should -- and should NOT -- say to one another.

One of the most effective boundaries for protecting a relationship is to remove even the thought of divorce from your conversations at all costs. Some people foolishly resort to threatening to end the marriage as a tactic for getting their way. Every relationship encounters disagreement at times. But if you allow yourself, in the heat of an argument, to even raise the possibility of divorce, it suddenly becomes a "real option." Instead, resolve that, come what may, divorce is absolutely off-limits. That will motivate you to seek other, constructive ways to settle your differences.

Make no mistake: Trouble will come to your relationship. That's part of being human. But take "divorce" out of your vocabulary and work on finding other opportunities for resolving the issues you face.

We have tons of resources to help build and maintain strong marriages at FocusOnTheFamily.com. For an enlightening (and free!) relationship assessment, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/TheMarriageAssessment.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.