Q: I've been a bit concerned recently about my kids' tendency toward self-centeredness. This Christmas season I'd like to encourage them to be more thoughtful and aware of the needs of others. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: First off, I'd say you're halfway there, just by wanting to promote a lifestyle of selflessness with your children and looking for strategic ways to do it. It's been said that "more is caught than taught," so if you're consistently modeling these actions and attitudes in your home, you're providing them with a great head start.

That said, it's important to actively involve your children in the process. The Christmas season provides a wide range of opportunities. Here are just a few ideas to consider:

-- Shovel an elderly neighbor's driveway.

-- Bake and deliver cookies to those working on Christmas Day (e.g. firefighters and police).

-- Serve meals at a local shelter.

-- Visit a nursing home to carol or read Christmas stories with residents.

-- Provide gifts to the underprivileged through projects like Operation Christmas Child.

-- Drop off baked goods to those who are homebound or hurting.

-- Invite those who don't have family to join your holiday table.

I'm sure you can add some of your own creative ideas as well. But the real key is to help your kids grasp the "why" of all this. A good way is to ask questions designed to help them reflect on how recipients of your kindness may be feeling and what difference your actions might make. For example, "How would you feel if you were all alone or had to work on Christmas Day?" That way, you'll help your children develop empathy and the capacity to recognize, understand, and identify with the feelings of others -- invaluable character traits for all of us to develop, no matter our age.

Q: I'm rather dreading having my in-laws over to our house for Christmas; let's just say my relationship with them isn't the best. Do you have any pointers for at least trying to keep the tension to a minimum?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's not uncommon to experience difficulties relating to our in-laws. Even those with decent relationships have probably at least heard stories about a meddling mother-in-law or an obnoxious member of the extended family. No matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to make a connection with these people.

The first thing that comes to mind is a verse written by the Apostle Paul: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). In essence, the only attitude you can control is your own.

I'm also reminded of the book "Loving Your Relatives Even When You Don't See Eye to Eye." The authors recommend embracing a few simple rules of civility; for example:

-- Always remember to smile (and not through gritted teeth). People generally respond better to someone who's smiling.

-- Make sure you're considerate and practice restraint. Never raise your voice.

-- When you're wrong, have the courage to admit it. Never ridicule or demean the other person.

-- Try to see things from their perspective.

-- Be accepting and understanding of your in-laws' shortcomings -- while recognizing that you have your own hang-ups and faults as well.

These are good rules to keep in mind when dealing with difficult people in any situation, not just your in-laws. But they're especially important in a situation like Christmas when you might be "stuck" with people you'd perhaps rather avoid.

Bottom line: Remember to be civil no matter how frustrating things might get. It could start to thaw the ice between you and your in-laws.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I'm a busy mom with young children. I have to take them with me when I go shopping -- but this time of year especially, sometimes they drive me crazy in the stores! Help!

Jim: Shopping with children, particularly during the busy Christmas season, can be either a fun time together or a frustrating experience -- sometimes both in the same outing.

Author Karen Ehman has some tips for navigating shopping with little ones.

-- Feed them first -- and avoid hot spots: Temptations are everywhere. If the children are hungry, you could be inviting trouble (and let's face it, we all have our "hangry" moments). Meanwhile, if they haven't learned that needs are different than wants, you'll probably want to stay away from some aisles altogether as much as possible.

-- Build incentive: Before heading out, help children make a coupon for a special treat. If they get through the trip without complaining or acting out, they get to have that treat afterward.

-- Guide financial awareness: If your older child wants something, talk about cost. If they don't have enough money of their own, brainstorm ways they can earn it.

-- Buddy up: Some ages and stages are rougher than others. If you can, arrange with another parent to watch each other's kids while you each go to the store alone.

-- Most of all, hang in there! Not all shopping trips will be stress-free. But intentional efforts to develop your children's behavior -- even in the most "everyday" moments -- can have a lasting impact.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I recently heard someone mention "Grind Culture." What is it and how does it affect teens?

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: "The daily grind." That cliche has floated around our culture for decades. And, until recently, it's mostly been one that applied to adults talking specifically about their work experience. Get up. Go to work. Grind it out. Come home. Repeat.

More recently though, the age-old daily grind metaphor has morphed a bit, both in meaning and with regard to those who feel like they're experiencing it. Now, it's called "grind culture." And it's not just adults toiling in the workplace who are experiencing it. Increasingly, teens are reporting the stress of having to plow through grind culture, too.

In fact, according to a 2024 Common Sense Media survey called "Unpacking Grind Culture in American Teens," 27% of teens report feeling burned out already. Researchers believe that the pressure kids face today -- pressure to perform, to be and appear successful, to achieve dreams often fueled by the lavish lifestyles they see on social media -- is greater than ever before.

The study identifies six areas contributing to stress for adolescents today: the need for a "Game Plan" for their future; the pressure to achieve; their appearance; their social lives; maintaining meaningful friendships; and the growing cultural emphasis on social activism.

Stir those ingredients together in a big cauldron of social media, parental expectations, and economic uncertainty, and you've got a recipe for teens who already see life as a grind to be endured.

So, what can parents do to help kids navigate grind culture? First, we can start by asking, "What makes you feel stressed out?" And then ... just listen. If you have a teen who's feeling overwhelmed, using the six categories identified above might be a way to put your finger on where that stress is the greatest.

And that can lead to a bigger conversation about whether adjustments need to be made, either in a student's workload or activities, paired with an assessment of how much social media is potentially contributing to those stresses as well.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I'm sure we're like most parents -- we want our children to learn well and develop good character. We also want to protect them from ever getting hurt. There's so much pain in the world; I believe it's important to shield our kids as much as possible. But how can we accomplish that?

Jim: My answer might surprise you. I actually think the greatest teacher you can invite into your home is consequences. All of us, at all ages, generally only change our behavior when the pain of poor choices causes us to think, "I don't want that to happen again."

I get it: Moms and dads find it hard to let their children struggle. They swoop in and short-circuit the process before the child learns a single lesson. When they rescue their child from pain, they increase the odds that he or she will make the exact same mistake again.

Every parent should understand that there are two forms of pain: hurt and harm. And there's a very real difference between them.

Hurt is normal in life. It's like the soreness you feel when you work a muscle. There's no damage being done, but you can barely get out of bed in the morning.

Harm, on the other hand, indicates something destructive is happening. It's like running a marathon or climbing a mountain with a broken ankle.

We should definitely protect our children from harm, but not necessarily from hurt. Negative consequences don't damage a child. But they do motivate him to reconsider whether his choices were worth the trouble. Hurt is how children learn to make better decisions that will bring about more positive consequences.

As long as your kids' choices only hurt, let them learn from their mistakes whenever possible. The consequences of one poor decision will teach your children more than a thousand lectures.

Q: My husband has hurt my feelings SO many times. I don't think it's necessarily intentional; mostly just neglect and being preoccupied with his own priorities. I keep hearing that I need to forgive him, but I just don't know if I can!

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Forgiveness is one of the most challenging personal choices each of us must regularly make in marriage. There might be only minor impact from occasional disappointments. Or we may have deep emotional scars from years of back-and-forth mistreatment. Over time our hearts can become so hardened that forgiveness can seem impossible.

Even if we truly want to forgive our spouse for unresolved offenses, it's tempting to stubbornly insist that they should make the first move toward reconciliation. They may feel the same way, which leaves us in a deadlock.

The truth is that the only way to maintain a loving relationship is to keep short accounts and forgive on a regular basis. Healing and reconciliation likely won't happen overnight, but forgiving can be a turning point in any relationship.

Forgiveness communicates that we value our spouse, and it can soften our hardened hearts toward each other. It doesn't erase what has happened or magically heal the wounds. But it allows the relationship to progress toward deeper levels of intimacy.

Forgiveness starts when we make the decision to forgive -- regardless of whether our emotions necessarily line up with that decision. In other words, we can choose to forgive even when we don't feel like it.

Forgiveness is more than a choice, it's also a process. We tend to want things immediately. But forgiveness doesn't work like that. Depending on the gravity and magnitude of the offense, it can take weeks, months or years -- even a lifetime. But regardless of how long it takes, forgiveness is always worth it.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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