Q: "Peace on Earth" -- really? There's so much conflict in our world (and nation), I'm beginning to wonder if that's even possible. I want to be kind and sensitive to others while teaching my kids to do the same. But I also find myself cynically wondering if it even matters. What are your thoughts?

Jim: I can understand your reservations, at least to some extent. Your question makes me think of a popular quote that's been attributed to a number of people, but actually traces to Reverend John Watson, a Scottish author and theologian who lived the majority of his life during the second half of the 19th century.

In 1897, Reverend Watson was invited by the popular religious newspaper The British Weekly to submit a Christmas message. Using his pen name "Ian MacLaren," he responded with a single sentence:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

At the time, the paper editorialized and said, "No message is more needed in our days of stress and storm, of selfish striving and merciless competition." Remember -- this was 127 years ago!

We can too easily romanticize the past, especially the times in which we've never lived, and think things were close to ideal back then compared to the modern challenges of today. But reality is often otherwise.

Of course, every era has its own challenges. I think this is what led the writer of Ecclesiastes to poetically state: "What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun" (1:9).

With that in mind, I believe it's good to remind ourselves that things are not always as they seem on the surface. The neighbor you wave to each day may have just received unfavorable medical test results or lost a close family member. A co-worker who comes to work each morning with a smile on their face may very well be dealing with a wayward child or struggling in their marriage. That person in line ahead of you at the store or airport could be dealing with a lifetime of hidden pain.

A city of a million people has a million stories, because "... everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

The Christmas season, with all its overt and implied merriment, can nonetheless be a very challenging time of year for hurts of the heart. So, I would encourage you to always make the effort to reach out in kindness -- even (and especially) when it doesn't seem like it will matter.

Meanwhile, don't forget the context of those words "peace on Earth, goodwill to men." They're pivotal in the true story of Christmas. And the world-changing message is this: At a specific time, in a specific place, our Creator stepped into the middle of our human mess with the answer to all our troubles and conflicts. In our limited smallness, we can't fix those things ourselves. But He can. Our role is to point others to Him, and that starts with kindness.

Christmas provides us with opportunities to extend an extra measure of kindness. It doesn't have to be fancy or significant. It's the thought that counts. As the world seems to grow colder and more coarse with each passing day, a kind response can provide the antidote and balm to help soothe the friction we encounter.

So, remember this quote. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Finally, maybe that someone is YOU. We have a staff of caring people (including professional counselors) available to listen and help; see FocusOnTheFamily.com or call 800-A-FAMILY (800-232-6459).

May God bless you and your loved ones this Christmas.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: This year, my father's dementia reached the point where we had to place him in a local care facility. This will be the first Christmas when Grandpa isn't part of our family celebration. I'm concerned about how to handle this with our kids; do you have any suggestions?

Jim: Some years back, when my sons were young, I went with them to help deliver Christmas gift bags to assisted living centers. At our first stop we immediately met a woman named Helen. She was sitting on the edge of her bed when we walked in, and she was excited to see us -- not just because she was friendly, but because she was lonely. She told us, "I have sons and daughters. But no one in my family visits me anymore."

Many elderly people spend Christmas alone -- but no group is isolated more than dementia patients. The disease robs people of their families in more ways than one. It's not just that someone with dementia starts forgetting who their family and friends are; often their loved ones simply stop visiting because of it. One study found that, unfortunately, nearly half of family members believe there's no benefit to visiting someone who no longer recognizes them.

But there is a benefit. Even as mental acuity dies, the emotional center of a dementia patient's brain is still very much alive. That means they can feel love even if they're unable to express it back to you.

So this Christmas, if you have a loved one with dementia, go see them and shower them with affection. It's important for everyone in the family -- and especially the children -- to recognize that the person you all love is still very much present. They're just hidden behind their disease. And even if they can't express love back to you like they once did, they can feel it.

Q: I want Christmas to be a time of family bonding. But even if/when we're all in the same place at the same time, there's generally one or more screens involved (TV, phones). How can we change this pattern?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This requires intentionality, especially since technology is so pervasive in our day-to-day lives. Tech isn't bad, it just needs limits.

Building relationships takes time and intentional effort to be actively engaged with someone else. Families I've counseled who succeed in this area make proactive decisions to establish balanced limits on tech as a household. Those parents go beyond the what ("no phones at the dinner table") and help their kids understand the why -- and then enforce the standards consistently.

So, I suggest that you sit down as a family and draw up guidelines and a menu of options for alternate activities. Admittedly, kids may not be pleased with the shift at first. But they should get on board as they see that you're prioritizing time with them -- and as you all experience increased connection. Involve the children in developing a list of creative ideas that may or may not include technology. Consider everyone's age, personality, and preferences, then take turns selecting things to do together.

The list is endless -- board games, cooking, building snowmen, hikes, hide-and-seek, caroling in your neighborhood, etc. A key idea to keep in mind is creating versus just consuming. For example, eating cookies is more fun if you baked them together. Or, instead of just watching a movie, make and edit one of your own with your collective phones.

This Christmas, try to be an intentional parent who uses reasonable and helpful limits to work toward being more connected as a family. That's a gift for everyone!

For more practical tips on thriving as a family, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I've been a bit concerned recently about my kids' tendency toward self-centeredness. This Christmas season I'd like to encourage them to be more thoughtful and aware of the needs of others. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: First off, I'd say you're halfway there, just by wanting to promote a lifestyle of selflessness with your children and looking for strategic ways to do it. It's been said that "more is caught than taught," so if you're consistently modeling these actions and attitudes in your home, you're providing them with a great head start.

That said, it's important to actively involve your children in the process. The Christmas season provides a wide range of opportunities. Here are just a few ideas to consider:

-- Shovel an elderly neighbor's driveway.

-- Bake and deliver cookies to those working on Christmas Day (e.g. firefighters and police).

-- Serve meals at a local shelter.

-- Visit a nursing home to carol or read Christmas stories with residents.

-- Provide gifts to the underprivileged through projects like Operation Christmas Child.

-- Drop off baked goods to those who are homebound or hurting.

-- Invite those who don't have family to join your holiday table.

I'm sure you can add some of your own creative ideas as well. But the real key is to help your kids grasp the "why" of all this. A good way is to ask questions designed to help them reflect on how recipients of your kindness may be feeling and what difference your actions might make. For example, "How would you feel if you were all alone or had to work on Christmas Day?" That way, you'll help your children develop empathy and the capacity to recognize, understand, and identify with the feelings of others -- invaluable character traits for all of us to develop, no matter our age.

Q: I'm rather dreading having my in-laws over to our house for Christmas; let's just say my relationship with them isn't the best. Do you have any pointers for at least trying to keep the tension to a minimum?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's not uncommon to experience difficulties relating to our in-laws. Even those with decent relationships have probably at least heard stories about a meddling mother-in-law or an obnoxious member of the extended family. No matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to make a connection with these people.

The first thing that comes to mind is a verse written by the Apostle Paul: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). In essence, the only attitude you can control is your own.

I'm also reminded of the book "Loving Your Relatives Even When You Don't See Eye to Eye." The authors recommend embracing a few simple rules of civility; for example:

-- Always remember to smile (and not through gritted teeth). People generally respond better to someone who's smiling.

-- Make sure you're considerate and practice restraint. Never raise your voice.

-- When you're wrong, have the courage to admit it. Never ridicule or demean the other person.

-- Try to see things from their perspective.

-- Be accepting and understanding of your in-laws' shortcomings -- while recognizing that you have your own hang-ups and faults as well.

These are good rules to keep in mind when dealing with difficult people in any situation, not just your in-laws. But they're especially important in a situation like Christmas when you might be "stuck" with people you'd perhaps rather avoid.

Bottom line: Remember to be civil no matter how frustrating things might get. It could start to thaw the ice between you and your in-laws.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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