DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law "Charlotte's" lifestyle is extravagant. She has an annual income of $500,000, plus "perks." She is in her 40s, divorced for 10 years, and lives in a Park Avenue condo with her live-in boyfriend. Everything Charlotte does is "first class" -- restaurants, vacations, clothing, entertainment, etc.

I earn $50,000 a year. My wife and I have a nice home with a pool. She drives a top-of-the-line car, has plenty of nice clothes, and we enjoy sailing on our small boat. I have never denied her anything.

Several times last year, my wife visited Charlotte in New York. While visiting, my wife charged things we can't afford. I suspect she's trying to keep up with Charlotte's lifestyle, which is impossible. When I point out to her that we can't afford all the expensive things she purchases, she becomes cool and annoyed with me.

Trying to keep up with her sister's lifestyle is causing a rift in our once happy marriage. We are moving apart, and I don't know what to do. I love my wife, and it hurts. -- HURT HUSBAND IN FLORIDA

DEAR HURT: If your wife's visits to her sister make her feel deprived to the point where she routinely busts the budget, you are overdue for a frank talk about it. Tell her how hurt you feel -- and give her this message from me: If you don't appreciate what you've got, you'll lose it. Perhaps it will wake her up to reality.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers it is extremely important that whenever a patient has a laboratory test, the physician or his or her office communicate the results directly to the patient -- regardless of whether the test is positive or negative. It is possible for the lab test to come back with a significant life-threatening or health-threatening finding for the patient and be accidentally misplaced or filed in a chart without the physician seeing it and the patient never learning anything until it's too late.

As recently as last week, I had a patient tell me that her family doctor told her, "No news is good news." This is absolutely the dumbest advice that can ever be given. Almost all physicians know of individuals who have died from cancer because the findings had not been communicated to the patient years earlier (at a preventative stage), or diabetic findings or dangerously high cholesterol, etc., had never been communicated to patients.

Please, Abby, urge all individuals who have lab tests to expect a call within a week or two. If they hear nothing, they MUST call the doctor's office to inquire about the results. This could save one's life. -- HAROLD J. GOLDFARB, M.D., ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR DR. GOLDFARB: This subject has been addressed in my column before, and I'm sorry it is still an ongoing problem.

Readers, "No news" ISN'T good news. No news is simply that -- no news. Always make a point of obtaining medical test results if you don't receive them from your physician. That precaution could save your life.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to your "Confidential" to "Wants to Get Rich Quick in Nevada." I agree that "the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket"; however, may I also suggest that Ireland is a good place to invest it? I have it on reliable authority that the capital there is always Dublin! -- RAY PLOETZ, MAPLE GROVE, MINN.

DEAR RAY: You may suggest it, but I suspect your "reliable authority" is full of Blarney.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 28, my girlfriend is 32. We've been dating for three months and care about each other, but there are a few issues I'm afraid spell "trouble ahead."

When we discussed our future, she told me she had requirements. She wants a one-carat emerald-cut diamond, and it will cost me between $5,000 and $7,000.

What happened to the days when a woman who loved a man would take whatever he gave her and appreciate it? When I asked her that question, she said a marriage is an investment, and the man should show his love by giving her something she really wants to prove his love for her.

She is also very attractive and has a nice figure. She wears miniskirts and is always talking to the guys who talk to her first. She flirts with them while I'm with her. She receives calls on her answering machine on a regular basis, and I'm feeling jealous, hurt and anxious about it. She says she needs attention from men. I feel that since we're dating exclusively, she should advise the guys who are calling that she's seeing someone. She does seem to be notifying them -- but the calls continue to come in. Lots of them.

I just started a new job, and it will be a long time before I can afford a ring that costs as much as the one she wants.

What are your thoughts on this, Abby? -- ON THE SPOT IN FLORIDA

DEAR ON THE SPOT: A woman who defines marriage as an investment, and insists that the man prove his love by the size of the diamond he gives her, is more focused on what she can get than she is on the man.

The number of men who have her phone number is also of concern to me. If she were in love with you, she would not constantly crave attention from other men.

I'm pleased that you just started a new job and it will take a long time for you to save up for that ring. It's imperative you learn much more about her before you invest in a lifetime commitment.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old soldier stationed with the U.S. Army in Heidelberg, Germany. I am spending my second holiday season away from home. I remember all the "little things" that make Thanksgiving and Christmas special in my family, and I get homesick realizing how much I took for granted.

I chose this life, and I am here for a great cause. I get up every day and put on my uniform and know that I am doing some good. As I get together with friends over here, I try to make the most of what I have.

Thanks, Abby, for all you do. -- A SOLDIER OVERSEAS

DEAR SOLDIER: You have a good head on your shoulders and a healthy attitude. I'm certain your letter will lift the spirits of armed forces members far from home.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Nancy" and I have known each other for three years. She's a nice person and I cherish her friendship. The problem is she always invites herself to go with me to family functions.

When I tell her I'm going home for the weekend to visit my parents, she says, "I'll ride along with you." She comes home with me for Christmas, Thanksgiving and family birthdays. I am afraid to mention this constant "tagging along" to Nancy because she grew up in several foster homes and never had a real family. I would never want Nancy to feel I'm turning my back on her like she says everyone else has.

Abby, am I being selfish? How can I spend some alone time with my family without hurting Nancy's feelings? -- STUCK IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUCK: Perhaps the reason "everyone else" has "turned their back" on Nancy is because they didn't have the courage to explain to her that they felt encroached upon. She must be told. Doing so is not selfish; it will prevent your resentment from building to the point where Nancy is rejected once again. Explain as kindly as possible that although she's welcome to accompany you on some occasions, you need time alone with your family. It's the truth -- and saying so shouldn't make you feel guilty because you're not excommunicating her; you're creating healthy boundaries.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago you printed a letter to grandmothers from "Your Son's Wife." I saved that letter. It is as appropriate today as it was then. Please print it again. My in-laws need to see it. Thank you. -- ANOTHER SON'S WIFE IN IOWA

DEAR WIFE: You're welcome. Read on:

DEAR GRANDMOTHERS: Please don't play favorites. If you buy a gift for your daughter's children, please buy something of equal value for your son's children. These children are cousins, and cousins play together. When they see the expensive toys, books and clothing that Grandma has given their cousins, they become jealous because Grandma has never given them such grand gifts. She gives them cheap little trinkets -- or nothing at all.

I am the mother of the children who receive very little from Grandma. I have looked into the sad eyes of my children when we visit their cousins who have been showered with expensive gifts from Grandma. It is always the daughter's children who are favored. I have friends who are in exactly the same situation, so I know I'm not imagining this.

I realize some grandmothers are fair to all their grandchildren, but I am sorry to say that they are the exception.

I hope this letter will cause the grandmothers who are guilty of this kind of favoritism to change their ways. Most children don't "need" anything -- but they are hurt when their cousins always get the peaches and they get the pits.

Thanks for listening. -- YOUR SON'S WIFE

DEAR ABBY: Until now, I never believed in psychics or receiving "visions" while sleeping, but I had a dream before the presidential election that the winner would have six letters in his first name and four letters in his last.

Dreams really DO come true! (I wish I'd put a bet on it.) -- JACK ANSPACH, VIRGINIA BEACH

DEAR JACK: This time you had a surefire winner. However, when it comes to betting, it's better to do it with your eyes open.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)