DEAR ABBY: I came out of the closet when my son was 4. I thought I had taught him not to judge because of a label. He's now 30, with a wife and two adorable children who own my heart.

When my granddaughter was born, my partner and I were at the hospital and have visited with them often and they with us. However, after my grandson was born last year, my son quit speaking to me.

I have asked him numerous times what the issue is. His response is: "I have to protect my children from people who are gay. I don't want them to know anyone who is gay." His wife and her family are very religious, and I feel this is the real reason. What can I do? -- HEARTBROKEN GAY GRANNY

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If your son is under the mistaken impression that he is going to somehow "protect" his children by isolating them from gay people, he must be living in an alternate reality. Does he also plan to emigrate to the moon?

I suspect you have put your finger squarely on the reason why your son is now ostracizing you. His wife appears to wield the power in that family, and could benefit by learning more about homosexuality and her religion, which I assume preaches love and tolerance for one's fellow man rather than judgment and exclusion.

You can't force your son and his wife to have contact with you if they don't want to. Leave open the possibility that they may, over time, reconcile their love for you with their faith.

For your own emotional well-being, it's important you find other outlets for your maternal instincts and go on with your life because any child would be blessed to be a part of it. Sadly, a large number of LGBT young people are rejected by their parents when they come out. These kids would benefit greatly from having a positive adult mentor like you. This could be your golden opportunity to make a significant, positive difference in someone's life. Contact Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays at pflag.org to find out how to get involved.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is a widower. We have been dating for more than a year. He has his house and I have mine.

I just found out that we are sleeping in the bed his late wife died in. (She died in her sleep.) I had assumed that he had taken care of all that stuff because her clothes and other personal effects are gone.

How do I suggest we get another bed at his place? I try to have him come to my home as often as I can. But there are still times we end up at his house, and it's creepy. -- SLEEPING POORLY IN FLORIDA

DEAR SLEEPING POORLY: I agree. Tell him how you feel and suggest the two of you select a new mattress for his bed together. You have been a couple long enough that you should be able to speak frankly with him. And he has enough time invested in you that he should be willing.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a man, "Richard," who is significantly older -- 17 years, actually. I'm in my mid-20s. I have no problem with it, as I have always been attracted to men who are older and have their lives together.

My parents are cool with it, but I know they have their reservations. Richard is not a sugar daddy; I don't love him for his money. I have my own success. I don't have "daddy issues," as my father is an amazing person who has raised me and my siblings well. My parents are still together and are great role models.

My friends can't find anything in common with Richard when we all hang out. It seems everyone around us is giving us grief -- including his parents. I understand the concern, but how can I convince everyone that I'm happy and willing to take this relationship wherever it goes? -- AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

DEAR AGE: The way to do that is simply to be happy and take the relationship one step at a time. While you're doing that, accept that relationships with this kind of age disparity are not without challenges. The friends you have now may never be comfortable around Richard, and you may have to make new ones closer to his age. Also, the women may look askance at you for being so young.

These things can be overcome. What bothers me about this scenario is that this man's parents are weighing in. By now one would think they would have accepted that their son is an adult and capable of making his own decisions about the women in his life.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend and I are having a disagreement. My 17-year-old son has a 16-year-old girlfriend. I know they are sexually active.

I spoke to my son and asked if she's on the pill. He said her mom refuses to put her on the pill. I gave my son $10, had a long talk about unwanted pregnancy, and told him to buy a box of condoms every few weeks and bring me the receipt so I know the money is being spent on condoms.

My problem is, my friend disagrees with me about what I did. She accused me of encouraging them. If I had a daughter, I'd buy the pill for her, so why not pay for condoms for my son? Who is right and who is wrong here? -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MISSOURI MOM: The girl's mother may think that by not providing her sexually active daughter with birth control, she is discouraging her from having sex. Clearly that hasn't happened. Of course you are right to make sure your son doesn't impregnate his girlfriend. Neither one of them is ready for the financial and emotional responsibility of a child.

Something I'm unclear about is why your friend is trying to guilt you out of it, when she should be minding her own business. Please tell her I said so.

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who was martyred in the cause of civil rights in 1968. His words ring as true today as when he first spoke them: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a happily married man with a great family that's mostly grown.

In high school I was infatuated with a girl, "Stacy," who was the center of attention, especially from the guys. As seniors we were close, but we never dated. When I left for college, we lost track.

In college I became involved with the woman who would become my wife. Before our wedding, I was at a friend's wedding, and Stacy and I danced several dances. Our chemistry was electric. I nearly broke up with my fiancee to see if Stacy and I could get together, but common sense prevailed.

At our 25th reunion, I saw Stacy again. She looked as good as ever. She is also happily married with a family. She gave me a hug that lasted a little too long, but was every bit as electric as our dance back then. Now I'm wondering what I have missed. Was the hug a signal or just the affectionate embrace of a good friend?

I'm afraid to contact her because I don't want to ruin my reputation or hers. We live in different states. Even if there is a spark there, I'm not sure we could sustain a relationship. But how do I get her off my mind? I'm tortured by the memories of the dance and the hug. -- ROMANTIC TEXAN

DEAR ROMANTIC: Let common sense prevail again and quit playing with fire before someone gets burned. The next letter may offer you some insight:

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife of more than 30 years reconnected with an old love from college through a social website. I was OK with it until I noticed she was getting obsessed with his chats. She kept saying they were just old friends and I should trust her.

It went on for months, until one day she forgot to close her chat session. It was obvious she regretted not marrying him and was reliving her past. We discussed it and I kept hearing, "Trust me, we're only fantasizing." It went downhill from there. We went through marriage counseling, but nothing changed.

What I learned through counseling is that an emotional affair may do more damage than an in-person one. While I thought I had a great marriage, she was thinking about what might have been with her first love. She wouldn't end the relationship and finally we divorced.

That was three years ago. He separated from his wife, and they lived together until she found out he wasn't the same person in real life that he was online or how she thought she remembered him from their youth. It didn't last, and he went back to his wife. My ex was sorry for what happened and wanted a second chance with me, but it was too late.

I'm now married to a wonderful woman I trust completely. My ex lost all she had except her memories of the 30 happy years we had together.

People need to understand how dangerous an emotional affair can be. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Old flames change from who they were in their youth, and an online fling can be disastrous. -- R.B. IN MASSACHUSETTS