DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I talk to my American friends, they have a hard time understanding why I put up with what they call the bullying my mother-in-law does to me. They think I should stand up to her, but in China, where I was born and lived before coming to the U.S. as a teenager, parents and parents-in-law control their children’s lives much more than American parents do.

My mother-in-law is first generation Chinese and although she was born here, she still expects me to submit to what she says to me and to agree with her, even if I know she is wrong.

At times it is extremely difficult to deal with her demanding nature, but in our tradition, it is how it is.

She will be coming to visit at the end of the year, and I am already feeling anxious about the visit. When I speak to my husband about how I feel, he tells me to just listen to what his mother says and then do what I would anyway, which is how he treats her and has all his life. He does not understand how stressful it all is for me.

Do I follow my husband’s advice to ignore or my American friends’ advice to argue with my mother-in-law, like they do with theirs if they are pushed to it? --- RAISED DIFFERENTLY

DEAR RAISED DIFFERENTLY: Regardless of cultural backgrounds, successfully connecting with in-laws can be tricky.

In your case, while both your husband and your American friends may mean well, doing as they suggest could ultimately add to your stress by urging you to take actions contrary to how you were raised.

Rather than a dramatic showdown I think a little diplomacy is in order. When your mother-in-law begins her pushing, it’s your turn to gently and firmly push back, letting her know that while you see her point and appreciate her concern, you’ve already put things in place that work best for you and you intend to continue doing them your way.

If that alone doesn’t work, consider enlisting your husband to do more than ignore his mother. Ask him to back you up and confirm your way is the right way for the two of you.

I’ve found sometimes it only takes a mild to moderate unexpected display of strength to get someone to back down.

DEAR READERS: Today’s the day we honor those who’ve served in our nation’s military. We owe them a great deal and it’s fitting we have this annual commemoration of their service.

And there are others likewise deserving of recognition and gratitude.

The parents, spouses, partners, children, and siblings of our military members also serve in countless, significant ways.

They have to cope with frequent relocations, separations, and deployments, which can and do happen suddenly.

So on this day celebrating veterans, I also say a special thank you to the current or former military family members out there.

As John Milton wrote four-hundred years ago, and Winston Churchill reminded us during WWII, “They also serve who only stand and wait.” Personally, I don’t think there’s any “only” about it.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our grandson did an excellent job learning to drive. He accumulated all his permit-required hours within four months and did well with his driving course.

All was going along well until he had a hydroplane incident in September. Fortunately the only thing that happened in the accident is he scraped the fender on a roadside fence, which is hardly the first ding and dent on our 2012 Audi, which was built to last. That is why we “sold” it to him for all of $500, which we then banked for him for college unbeknownst to him.

The day after the accident, his father went ballistic on the poor kid and he took the keys away from him, which we think is the absolutely wrong way to go. Now the kid is back to relying on his parents for rides, and the old Audi is just sitting in the driveway.

We promised to never interfere with how our kids raise their kids, but since we sold our grandson the car he is now forbidden to drive, do you think we have a say in this one issue? --- SOLD HIM THE CAR

DEAR SOLD HIM THE CAR: Having sold him his car doesn’t entitle you to a say in how it’s used.

While I’m of the opinion that in situations like this, it’s generally better to get the driver driving again sooner rather than later, the decision to withhold the keys is within your grandson’s parents’ domain if he’s a minor. If he’s not, that’s another matter, but still one between him and his folks.