DEAR ABBY: My brother is my best friend. He is also an alcoholic. It runs in our family, and he has been addicted for years. His drinking has affected me in several (minor) ways over the years, but I have always taken a hands-off approach, knowing I can't force him to get help.

Well, his drinking is starting to affect my life in a more severe way now. I joined the local police force. I am afraid that my brother's behavior could cost me my job if I'm seen with him while he acts out, or if I try to defend him.

I love my brother fiercely, and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I need to avoid him, but I love him. Please help. -- CHALLENGED IN THE EAST

DEAR CHALLENGED: Establish some ground rules by explaining to your brother that although you love him, you cannot be seen with him if he has been drinking, for fear it will jeopardize your job. It's a valid concern. Make clear that if he breaks the law, you will be unable to intercede for him.

You are not responsible for his addiction or for what he does when he's under the influence. I'm not saying this will be emotionally easy for you, but you must let your brother suffer the consequences for his behavior if he acts out.

DEAR ABBY: I have severe asthma and allergies, and I'm particularly sensitive to bug sprays. If I'm exposed to them, my lips and tongue tingle for hours.

Every time my husband of 30 years sees a bug or even a small ant in our house, he reaches for the bug spray and saturates the house with it. Given the length of our marriage, he is well aware of how it affects me. I have asked him many times to please not use spray in the house, particularly when I am home, to no avail.

He did it again yesterday and got angry with me when I asked why. He reads your column, so I know he will see your response to my inquiry. What is your advice? -- FED UP IN FLORIDA

DEAR FED UP: Stop asking your husband not to use bug spray while you are in the house. Be proactive and throw it out! You clearly have a severe allergy to something in it, and for him to persist in spraying while you are on the premises strikes me as not only selfish but also as a form of assault that's potentially very serious. Call an exterminator to have it professionally done. There are other, less toxic ways to get rid of pests, and you should go online and explore them.

DEAR ABBY: I asked a woman I know professionally if she'd be interested in having lunch. She said she would, and we had a lovely lunch -- until the bill came. When I suggested we split it, she suggested I make it a business expense. I told her I couldn't do that because it wasn't a business lunch.

I know if you invite someone to lunch, you pay, but I didn't think that's what I did. I have done this before -- and since -- and everyone pays for themselves. Do I owe this woman an apology? -- EVERYONE PAYS IN TEXAS

DEAR EVERYONE: Not unless she became defensive. However, because you did the inviting, you should have paid the bill. If you want to lunch with her again, you should specify, "Let's split it."

DEAR ABBY: My dad died when I was young. He and Mom had a beautiful marriage. Mom was in a long relationship following his death and has been single for three years now. She has been spending lots of time with a family friend who lost his wife some time ago. They have known each other for years, even when Dad was alive.

She goes over to his place for romantic dinners, they talk on the phone at least once a day, and he helps her with anything she needs around the house. He goes above and beyond to show her he's interested in her without actually saying those words, and he has told her she needs to take him more seriously when he invites her on trips because she laughs it off.

Mom flip-flops between being interested and being convinced he doesn't want a serious relationship. Everyone around her thinks she's crazy not to give it a try. I don't know how much I can push her. I haven't seen her this happy in years. I think she's scared and nervous, and I also think she'll regret it if she keeps rejecting his overtures. I think the ball is in her court now. I need help convincing her to pursue this. What can I do? -- HOPEFUL DAUGHTER IN CANADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: Tell your mother it's time to stop laughing and have a serious conversation with this man. Their relationship stands no chance of progressing further if she isn't willing to allow it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance has a female friend he has known since they were 15 years old. She's always in the way, and he always makes excuses for anything she does wrong. The most frequent excuses are, "She was there when nobody else was there," or, "She's the only one who would have my back."

OK, I get it. But that was years ago, and I have constantly reminded him that I have his back now and she can step aside. But he says he's loyal to his friends, and he will never abandon her or any of them.

As much as I love my fiance and want to be his wife, I can't accept this person in our lives. Abby, I really need your advice. Should I give his ring back, or should I keep quiet and let her continue to invade our relationship? -- DEPRESSED FIANCEE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FIANCEE: Try this. Tell your fiance that you would like the two of you to have premarital counseling to be sure you are on the same page regarding issues that "might" come up after your marriage. Couples usually have this kind of counseling to facilitate discussions about important subjects such as how their finances will be managed, whether they agree on how to raise children, etc. During one of those sessions, you should raise the subject of his old friend "who is constantly in the way" and let the counselor/mediator guide you through the discussion. And if you can't come to a mutual agreement, you should then return the ring.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my 40s. All my life I wanted nothing more than to get married and have a beautiful child. I have been in two relationships -- one for nine years and the other for 11 years.

I suppose it's unusual for a man to long for a child. My baby days are about over, yet I still long for one. I have adult stepchildren and grandchildren. We even fostered four children for two years. I love them all, yet I still feel so empty.

On top of it, my mother constantly says, "I wish you would make me a grandmother." I tell her my stepkids are her grandchildren, but she insists on grieving that I don't have a biological child. I am not able to, and I have explained it to her.

My wife tries to understand my pain but just can't. It causes distance between us, and she shuts down. How can I forget about these desires and move on with life? -- DADDY ISSUES IN INDIANA

DEAR DADDY ISSUES: I'm glad you reached out for guidance. Wanting biological children is a normal human desire, and it isn't limited to just one gender.

Some sessions with a mental health professional may not be able to make you forget your lifelong wish to be a biological father, but therapy could help you to move on with your life and past the pain you are feeling. With the help of your therapist, perhaps you can help your mother understand that venting her frustration over your inability to produce the grandchild of her dreams has been excruciating, and you need her to stop once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about a friend of mine. When she was a child, her parents tried to raise her to be neat, but her bedroom, closets and bathroom were always a mess. Now that she has a home of her own and is married with kids, she's still the same. Clothing and towels are piled so deep on the floor you can't see it.

She has a housekeeper, and before the woman comes over to clean, my friend picks the stuff up. I don't know how they can tell what's clean or dirty when it has been walked on all week. The rest of the house is OK, but as you walk in the door, shoes are thrown here and there, like, "I'm home now. I'm free. Let it go. No rules." Her teenage daughter is now modeling the same behavior.

Is this some kind of disorder? To me, it would be just as easy to dump things into a hamper, on a shelf or in a drawer. Her husband is neat, and so is her son. I love her and it's none of my business, but is my way the wrong way? Am I the one with a disorder? -- ORDERLY IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ORDERLY: Your friend may have refused to be neat as a form of rebellion against her parents who, according to you, did not enforce the rules they set for her. It's not surprising the daughter is imitating her mother, which may come back to haunt her in a few years.

But none of you have a disorder. I do have a suggestion for you, however. Quit obsessing about your friend's sloppy household and parenting because there is nothing you can do about it.

TO MY READERS: I am wishing you a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!