DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and have been with my boyfriend on and off for five years. I love him very much. I often overthink things, and a constant frustration of mine is that he makes no romantic gestures at all. He drowns me in compliments and shows his love in other ways.

I always have to take the initiative and suggest he do romantic things like send me cards or flowers, take me to dinner, etc., but he only does them when I ask. It doesn't feel like enough for me. I worry that when we get married, over time I will grow bored or no longer be attracted to him because he is so unromantic. Am I just overthinking? What should I do? -- ROMANTIC ONE IN AUSTIN

DEAR ROMANTIC: From what you have written it seems that you may be more in love with the idea of romantic gestures than you are with the man you have. Many women would be thrilled to have someone who drowns them with compliments and shows his love in other ways. If you are truly worried that you will be bored if you marry him or -- worse -- turned off, then please, turn him loose so he can find someone who appreciates him for who he is, and you can meet someone who will make your dreams come true.

DEAR ABBY: My friend who was suddenly widowed two years ago continues to insert her late husband into every conversation with friends and strangers alike. She's still depressed, grieving and searching for significance, and she shares it all in person and online.

Early on, she had counseling but no longer feels it necessary. She claims it helps her to talk about him constantly. Most of us close to her avoid the elephant in the room. I find myself apologizing for her in group gatherings I take her to. People try to offer sympathy, but are surprised when they realize he's been gone two years.

I endure with love, but wonder if this is the best path. Personally, I want to let him rest in peace. But that's hard when he's always "in the room." Advice? -- WANTING TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR WANTING: Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timetable. However, your friend may need more support and counseling than you and others she meets socially can offer. She has my sympathy, but that deeply grieving woman needs to hear what you have written to me. Tell her, as kindly as possible, that she needs to vent to a professional so she can get more help through this difficult period.

DEAR ABBY: A male family friend who is gay works at a local business my wife and I patronize regularly. We always stop and chat when he's there, but he does something that irritates me. He addresses my wife as "Sweetie." My wife thinks I'm being silly because he's gay; I say one's sexual orientation doesn't negate manners and how one man should address another man's wife. I'm not annoyed to the point that I'd confront the guy, but I promised my wife I'd ask you your opinion. -- BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BOTHERED: There is nothing rude about a family friend -- gay or straight -- calling someone's wife "Sweetie." My opinion is you should lighten up.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is my best friend. He is also an alcoholic. It runs in our family, and he has been addicted for years. His drinking has affected me in several (minor) ways over the years, but I have always taken a hands-off approach, knowing I can't force him to get help.

Well, his drinking is starting to affect my life in a more severe way now. I joined the local police force. I am afraid that my brother's behavior could cost me my job if I'm seen with him while he acts out, or if I try to defend him.

I love my brother fiercely, and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I need to avoid him, but I love him. Please help. -- CHALLENGED IN THE EAST

DEAR CHALLENGED: Establish some ground rules by explaining to your brother that although you love him, you cannot be seen with him if he has been drinking, for fear it will jeopardize your job. It's a valid concern. Make clear that if he breaks the law, you will be unable to intercede for him.

You are not responsible for his addiction or for what he does when he's under the influence. I'm not saying this will be emotionally easy for you, but you must let your brother suffer the consequences for his behavior if he acts out.

DEAR ABBY: I have severe asthma and allergies, and I'm particularly sensitive to bug sprays. If I'm exposed to them, my lips and tongue tingle for hours.

Every time my husband of 30 years sees a bug or even a small ant in our house, he reaches for the bug spray and saturates the house with it. Given the length of our marriage, he is well aware of how it affects me. I have asked him many times to please not use spray in the house, particularly when I am home, to no avail.

He did it again yesterday and got angry with me when I asked why. He reads your column, so I know he will see your response to my inquiry. What is your advice? -- FED UP IN FLORIDA

DEAR FED UP: Stop asking your husband not to use bug spray while you are in the house. Be proactive and throw it out! You clearly have a severe allergy to something in it, and for him to persist in spraying while you are on the premises strikes me as not only selfish but also as a form of assault that's potentially very serious. Call an exterminator to have it professionally done. There are other, less toxic ways to get rid of pests, and you should go online and explore them.

DEAR ABBY: I asked a woman I know professionally if she'd be interested in having lunch. She said she would, and we had a lovely lunch -- until the bill came. When I suggested we split it, she suggested I make it a business expense. I told her I couldn't do that because it wasn't a business lunch.

I know if you invite someone to lunch, you pay, but I didn't think that's what I did. I have done this before -- and since -- and everyone pays for themselves. Do I owe this woman an apology? -- EVERYONE PAYS IN TEXAS

DEAR EVERYONE: Not unless she became defensive. However, because you did the inviting, you should have paid the bill. If you want to lunch with her again, you should specify, "Let's split it."

DEAR ABBY: My dad died when I was young. He and Mom had a beautiful marriage. Mom was in a long relationship following his death and has been single for three years now. She has been spending lots of time with a family friend who lost his wife some time ago. They have known each other for years, even when Dad was alive.

She goes over to his place for romantic dinners, they talk on the phone at least once a day, and he helps her with anything she needs around the house. He goes above and beyond to show her he's interested in her without actually saying those words, and he has told her she needs to take him more seriously when he invites her on trips because she laughs it off.

Mom flip-flops between being interested and being convinced he doesn't want a serious relationship. Everyone around her thinks she's crazy not to give it a try. I don't know how much I can push her. I haven't seen her this happy in years. I think she's scared and nervous, and I also think she'll regret it if she keeps rejecting his overtures. I think the ball is in her court now. I need help convincing her to pursue this. What can I do? -- HOPEFUL DAUGHTER IN CANADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: Tell your mother it's time to stop laughing and have a serious conversation with this man. Their relationship stands no chance of progressing further if she isn't willing to allow it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance has a female friend he has known since they were 15 years old. She's always in the way, and he always makes excuses for anything she does wrong. The most frequent excuses are, "She was there when nobody else was there," or, "She's the only one who would have my back."

OK, I get it. But that was years ago, and I have constantly reminded him that I have his back now and she can step aside. But he says he's loyal to his friends, and he will never abandon her or any of them.

As much as I love my fiance and want to be his wife, I can't accept this person in our lives. Abby, I really need your advice. Should I give his ring back, or should I keep quiet and let her continue to invade our relationship? -- DEPRESSED FIANCEE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FIANCEE: Try this. Tell your fiance that you would like the two of you to have premarital counseling to be sure you are on the same page regarding issues that "might" come up after your marriage. Couples usually have this kind of counseling to facilitate discussions about important subjects such as how their finances will be managed, whether they agree on how to raise children, etc. During one of those sessions, you should raise the subject of his old friend "who is constantly in the way" and let the counselor/mediator guide you through the discussion. And if you can't come to a mutual agreement, you should then return the ring.