DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old senior and have been dating the same boy for two years. A month ago, he told me he wanted to break up "because he needed some time to figure out what he wanted." I was devastated but agreed. Two weeks later, he told me he was sorry and he loves me.

We are back together now, but the weekend after our breakup, I went to visit a college girlfriend. We went to a party and I ended up having sex with a boy I didn't even know. I feel guilty and unworthy. What should I do? If I tell my boyfriend, I'm sure I'll lose him for good. If I don't tell him, I'll always worry that he will find out from someone else. -- UNWORTHY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNWORTHY: You are acting like you have something to feel guilty about. You don't. At the time you visited your college girlfriend, your boyfriend had broken things off with you. You do not owe him an explanation or a confession as long as you haven't given him an STD. Contact your physician and be checked to be sure.

DEAR ABBY: I'm vegan and make a point of being polite to servers in restaurants. I carefully describe what I would like to eat from their menu. Although they appear to be attentive, half the time they serve me a meal with an added touch -- a scoop of sour cream or sprinkle of cheese on the top.

When it happens, is it fair to send the food back to the kitchen? Or is it better to painstakingly scrape the unrequested item off of my dinner? I don't want to waste food, and I would like my meal prepared to my specifications. Any suggestions? -- VEGAN IN THE WEST

DEAR VEGAN: You have every right to send a meal back if it wasn't prepared the way you requested. You, as the customer, are paying for your food, and you should not have to painstakingly scrape anything off it. Some people with dietary restrictions carry a laminated card with them that lists the foods they cannot eat. It is shown to the chef by the server at the time your order is placed. You may want to try it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died recently. We didn't have children. His family keeps contacting me and inviting me to lunch, movies, etc. The problem is, I have nothing in common with them and no longer want to spend time with them. When I make an excuse to politely bow out, they suggest another date, and another and another. How can I get them to leave me alone? -- ENJOYING MY SOLITUDE

DEAR SOLITUDE: Your former in-laws mean well, and many would consider you fortunate that they try so hard to be supportive and remain close. Keep in mind that you are their last tie to their son. However, because your polite refusals aren't getting through, tell them that while you appreciate their gesture, you are not lonely. In fact, you enjoy being "alone with your memories" and you will contact them if you change your mind.

DEAR ABBY: My mom is a recovering alcoholic. Her alcoholism has caused emotional distress and damaged our relationship to the point that I am aloof and terse toward her.

She's six months sober now, receiving help and making an effort to repair the hurt and pain she has caused. But I'm struggling in moving forward.

My mom is generous, kind, loving, and has always been supportive. I feel guilty for the ambivalent part of me that could care less about fixing the issues she caused in our relationship. It saddens both of us that I have a hard time being kind and loving toward her. Any advice? -- STUBBORN TEEN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TEEN: Alcoholism is a disease that affects not only the drinker, but also those close to her (or him). That your mother is receiving help and working to remain sober means she is trying as hard as she can to get better and remain that way.

Forgiveness isn't automatic. It is a conscious choice on the part of the injured party. To think you are alone in this situation would be a mistake. There's a support group for younger family members of alcoholics called Alateen. If you attend some of the meetings, it may help you to be kinder and more loving toward your mother. Alateen groups are everywhere. To find one visit al-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: Recently I was late to work because I slept in and my boss was upset about it. But the thing is -- it's really none of his business, is it? What I do on my own time isn't the business of my employer. I don't ask him what he does when he isn't here.

This has happened a few times and I know it might present a problem, but I don't think it's his place to tell me what to do outside of work. How is that legal?

I need the extra sleep in the mornings because I like to stay out late at night, which is my right as an American. If I need extra sleep in order to perform my job at a higher level, then isn't it better for the company that I sleep in? I'm hearing blame when I should be hearing thank you. -- MY BUSINESS IN INDIANA

DEAR MY BUSINESS: Forgive me if this seems harsh, but your boss's business IS his business. Businesses have regular hours of operation, which are usually stated in the employee handbook you should have read when you were being hired. It's the duty of an employee to show up on time and in condition to perform his/her job.

I'm not surprised your boss is upset. It's a natural response when an employee who's relied upon acts irresponsibly, which is what you have been doing. Because you prioritize your social life above your work life, consider looking for a job that starts later or has flexible hours. You may need it.

DEAR ABBY: What is the purpose of high school graduation announcements? To whom should they be sent, and what are the expectations surrounding them?

My son is graduating, so we are preparing announcements, but I'm not sure who to send them to, and I don't want anyone to think we are asking for a gift. We have received several announcements from my son's friends who live out of state. Should I send them gifts? -- WANTS TO GET IT RIGHT

DEAR WANTS: Graduation announcements are usually sent to close family and friends. Recipients are under no obligation to send a gift. Your congratulations should be enough.

DEAR ABBY: My son's girlfriend confided to me that my son, age 35, is cross-dressing. I knew his life was in flux and that his appearance had changed, but it stunned me. He hasn't mentioned anything, and she said he would be very upset if I knew.

When I saw him the same day, I made sure to hug him and tell him I love him. Please tell me what to do or say. -- WHAT TO SAY IN TEXAS

DEAR WHAT: Do nothing, say nothing. This isn't your business, and the girlfriend was wrong to betray your son's confidence.

It may reassure you to know that cross-dressing has been around for centuries and has been present in many cultures. Your son isn't the only cross-dresser in the United States or even the state of Texas. Most male cross-dressers are heterosexual and do it because it feels good to them. It is no reflection on their morals, their sexual orientation or gender identity.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 6-year-old son, "Tyler," from a previous relationship. I have been dating a man I'll call Chad for almost four years.

My problem is, Chad can't seem to have any kind of relationship or interaction with Tyler. Chad isn't abusive, but he constantly ignores my boy and gives him no attention. I thought after all this time Chad would be used to my son, but it hasn't happened. Sometimes he seems annoyed when Tyler is in the same room. I'm not sure if I should end the relationship or stick around. Any advice would be helpful. -- LOSING HOPE

DEAR LOSING HOPE: Your first responsibility is to your son. The way Chad treats Tyler will eventually damage the boy's self-esteem if it hasn't already. Children are perceptive. When they are ignored, they know something is wrong and think it's their fault -- that there's something wrong with them and that they don't measure up. My advice is to tell Chad the romance is over and why. Frankly, you should have done it years ago.

DEAR ABBY: I admit I'm a loud snorer. However, I was on a plane recently, flying home after an exhausting trip. I fell asleep and my seatmate repeatedly woke me to complain about my snoring. Shouldn't the woman have let me sleep in peace if she saw that I was genuinely tired? What made her needs greater than mine? -- TRYING TO SLEEP

DEAR TRYING TO SLEEP: Not knowing the woman, it's hard to say. Perhaps your seatmate felt entitled to a quiet flight and your snoring was so disruptive that, even with earphones, she could concentrate on nothing else. I suppose she could have asked the flight attendant to change her seat, but if the flight was fully booked she probably woke you because she wasn't inclined to suffer from coast to coast.

P.S. I would be remiss in my responsibility as an advice columnist if I didn't urge you to discuss your snoring with your doctor. It could be a symptom of sleep apnea, a condition that is very serious.