DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. With every year that passes, I fall more in love with him. He's a wonderful person who treats me very well.

I could go on and on about how caring and considerate he is. However, when it comes to being intimate, I'm just not interested. I have known him for so long and know him so well that, for me, the "spark" is extinguished. In some ways, he almost feels like a brother, which makes it difficult to have sexual feelings.

I tell him many times a day that I love him, because I do. I want him to know he's my best friend and I care deeply about him. We have tried role playing, games, sexy clothing, etc. -- nothing helps me. I go through the motions when I must, because I know it is one of the ways he expresses his love for me.

I don't want to be with anyone else. I just want to know how I can feel excited about being intimate again. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. -- EXTINGUISHED SPARKS

DEAR EXTINGUISHED: My suggestion would be to have a frank talk with your OB/GYN about this, and ask for a referral to an endocrinologist -- a doctor who specializes in hormones. If, after a checkup, your hormone balances are what they should be, some sessions with a psychologist for you -- and a sex therapist for both of you -- might relight the spark that has fizzled. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 42 years. For the most part, we have had a good marriage. We raised two children, are helping to raise three grandchildren and still enjoy each other's company.

I am retiring shortly and looking forward to enjoying it. For years I have anticipated being free to travel the country and see things I didn't have the time to see when I was employed. The problem is, I like the idea of seeing the country via road trip. My wife says she's a "homebody" and doesn't want to be "stuck in the car" for a week.

Several friends have suggested I should take my road trips without my wife. I don't really want to do that, and she says that if I did, she would feel deserted. How can I be a good husband and spend time with my wife, and not feel cheated out of something I have wanted to do for so long? -- HEADED FOR THE OPEN ROAD

DEAR HEADED: I can't help thinking about how many widows would give anything to share an adventure like that with their husband. I also don't think leaving one's spouse for a week qualifies as desertion. Many husbands and wives do it regularly to conduct their business. Perhaps if you return from one of your excursions with tales of how beautiful and interesting the road trip was, it will pique her interest.

P.S. If the problem is that your vehicle is too small, have you considered renting something larger to give your wife more room to stretch out?

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DEAR ABBY: I have two friends I am equally close to, "Jane" and "Mary." We live in the same neighborhood. They are both married, live across the street from each other and spend time together almost every day. Their children play together. I spend a lot of time with both families, and my children play with theirs.

Jane is having an affair with Mary's husband and has confided in me about every detail. She keeps telling me it's over, and then I find out it isn't. I spoke to Mary's husband and told him if it doesn't stop, I'll tell Mary. (Jane doesn't know I talked to him.)

They recently had another "weak moment." Should I tell Mary what's going on? Her husband has cheated in the past, and she chose to stay with him. I'm afraid the fallout from her finding out will be two broken marriages and several broken friendships. It's very difficult to spend time with any/all of them knowing what I know. I feel like my silence is betraying Mary. Help! -- WISH I DIDN'T KNOW

DEAR WISH: You are already more involved in this than you should be, and Jane should not have placed you in that position. Mary knows she has a philandering husband but chose to remain with him. I vote for keeping your lip zipped and trying to stay out of the line of fire.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 38 years. We divorced once, but remarried. We have four grown sons and six grandchildren.

He retired a year and a half ago, and I went through menopause. There has been constant contention since. He wants to fight over everything and won't speak to me for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. I feel I am being emotionally abused. When I asked him for another divorce, he told me not to be ridiculous.

Four months ago, I moved out and moved in with my dad to be his caretaker. Dad is 95 and on home hospice.

I am so much happier not living with my husband. When my father passes away, I dread having to move back with my husband. I know we probably need counseling, but he doesn't agree.

I want to live a happy, peaceful life. My husband seems to enjoy the constant fighting. Should I get my own place and live apart from my husband when my dad passes? -- UNHAPPILY MARRIED IN UTAH

DEAR UNHAPPILY MARRIED: Your husband's silent treatment qualifies as emotional abuse. You do not have to tolerate it. Before making plans about where you will live after your father's passing, discuss this with a lawyer. Marriage isn't slavery, and you do not need your abuser's "permission" to divorce him (again).

DEAR ABBY: I am suddenly encountering workplace hostility from someone I thought was my friend. I'm not sure if I did something to offend this person or if there is some other reason. What can I do to get to the bottom of this? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: It says in the Bible, "Seek and you shall find." In your case, it means ask the person what's going on and why there has been a change in attitude. That's the quickest way to learn the reason.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years. We have both been married before. I have a son, and he has three daughters. My son is married with two children. He works and is pretty self-sufficient. Two of my husband's daughters live in the same city we do. They are 26 and 28. They don't have cars or driver licenses and live with their mother, who is also car-less.

They often ask us for transportation. While I don't mind doing it once in a while, we are not a taxi service. Occasionally, they'll offer gas money. But my point is, every time the car is started and driven down the street, there is wear and tear on the vehicle. The girls don't step up when it's time to pay repair bills.

This is a constant argument between my husband and me, and I don't know what to do about it. I love my stepdaughters, but in my opinion, they are old enough to be more self-sufficient. Advice, please. -- DESPERATE IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR DESPERATE: You're right; the "girls" are old enough. The solution to your problem lies in helping them become independent. This is what you should discuss with their father. There is a public transportation system in your community, and they should be familiar with it. If for some reason that's not workable, perhaps their father could help them pay for driving lessons and/or a down payment on a used vehicle of their own.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance told me that an old friend of mine whom I am close to has kissed him goodbye on the lips twice now. He said the last time she did it, it made him feel uncomfortable and guilty.

I have never seen her do this to anyone else, and to be honest, I was angry about it when he told me. I am the godmother of her child, and I feel awkward around her now. What should I do? Should I let her come to me, or tell her it has been brought to my attention? -- IN A WEIRD SPOT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WEIRD SPOT: Ideally, your fiance should ask her to stop kissing him on the mouth. However, if he's not up to doing that, tell your old friend your fiance mentioned that the last few times he has seen her, she kissed him on the mouth and it made him uncomfortable. Then tell her that when you heard about it, it made you uncomfortable, so please don't do it again.

DEAR ABBY: I was eating a Greek salad at a restaurant the other night, and I started to wonder about the polite way to eat olives with pits. I typically put the whole thing in my mouth, eat the flesh, then pull the pit out with my fingers and place it on a dish. I started wondering if it was rude to reach into my mouth and spit things out in a restaurant. What is the polite way to eat an olive in public? -- IT'S THE PITS IN NEW YORK

DEAR PITS: According to etiquette experts the Post family, you have done nothing wrong. The key to disposing of an olive pit is to do it discreetly. (Shield the maneuver with your napkin to avoid offending your companion(s) if you're not alone.)