Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My twin sister and I are roommates. Although we usually get along well, she does one thing in particular that bothers me. When she goes out on a date (or home) with a guy she doesn't want me to know about, she lies. She'll tell me she's at a happy hour, a friend's house or still at work. I realize she doesn't have to tell me where she is 24/7, but I hate being lied to.

It scares and upsets me when midnight rolls around on a weeknight, she still hasn't returned from her "happy hour," and won't answer my texts or calls. I have told her numerous times that for safety reasons I wish she'd be honest and let me know where she's going and whom she's with. She accuses me of trying to pry into her personal life. How can I get her to see my side? -- TWO SIDES IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TWO SIDES: People who keep secrets often have something to hide. If your sister were proud of what she's doing (and the men she is with), she wouldn't be so secretive. As well-intentioned as you are, you can't force her to level with you. And because of that, it might lower the stress in your life if the two of you make other living arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is contemplating a move to the small Southern town my husband and I have called home for more than 10 years. She's a vibrant, well-to-do Southern lady with many friends and family in the big city where she has lived her entire life. The problem is, I really don't want her to live near us. We have five children whom she constantly tries to tell me how to raise, and I'm not sure she even likes the children.

I don't know why she wants to make this drastic move because she ridiculed us when we relocated. For that matter, she ridicules us about everything we do. (We are relatively normal, boring people.) My husband has stayed quiet about the situation.

How can I tell her we would prefer she stay in the big city without hurting her feelings? We visit her often, and she visits us. This arrangement has worked for many years. -- LOVING OUR QUIET WAY OF LIFE

DEAR LOVING: What exactly do you mean when you say your husband has stayed quiet about this whole situation? Do you know what is driving your mother-in-law's decision to move closer? Could she be concerned about her age and her health, and feel insecure being so far from "family"?

If it's not a health problem, then you and your husband are going to have to speak up. Your mother-in-law should be told that the two of you do not agree with her parenting advice, that you feel she has ridiculed you and your husband for years, and you would prefer that she remain where she is. And if she makes the move anyway -- which she may -- keep your distance.

DEAR ABBY: I have my granddaughters write thank-you notes to everyone who gave them presents for Christmas, birthdays and special events. They are 7 and 8 years old now. They have fun drawing pictures and mailing the letters, and the recipients enjoy receiving their notes. I would like to order your Letters Booklet because it contains samples of many other types of correspondence. -- LINDA IN CENTERVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR LINDA: You are giving your granddaughters an early lesson in good manners, and your idea of having them draw pictures on their thank-you notes is clever. Because most children like to draw, some parents have their children do this before they learn to write.

As your granddaughters grow older, suggest that they keep a notebook handy when they open their gifts and jot down the first thing that comes to mind when they see the gift. Do they like the color? The style? Is it something they have been wanting? Write it down and use it for inspiration.

My booklet is helpful for people of all ages who put off writing because they don't know what to say. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Inside you will find many samples that can be used as patterns from which to write your own. For anyone who has ever wondered where to begin when writing a note of thanks, congratulations, condolences, composing a love letter or the opposite -- announcing a broken engagement or a decision to divorce -- "How to Write Letters" is a handy guide for putting words down on paper.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine recently confided that at a recent office happy hour, after most of her co-workers went home, she made out with a married manager. After that, they went to another bar, after which he eventually paid a $200 taxi ride for her to go to her parents' house where she was spending the weekend. Now they text after work hours (presumably while he is home with his wife and kids), and he has invited her out to lunch and drinks, which she has rebuffed.

I asked her what their goal was for this "relationship" -- do they want an affair? Something more? She says they are just friends, and she's mad at me for even questioning it. She just broke up with her longtime boyfriend, and I don't want her to get hurt by getting involved with this man from her office. Any advice? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN NEW YORK

DEAR WORRIED FRIEND: You asked your friend an intelligent question. Now it's time to step back out of the line of fire. This will not end well, and somebody is going to be unhappy as this unfolds. Do not let it be you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm recently divorced. We have two wonderful children ages 6 and 11. I try to spend as much time with them as possible because it's important to me, even if it means spending time with my ex-wife.

The woman I am dating is also divorced. She has a bad relationship with her ex and doesn't think I should spend any time with my ex, even if it's for the sake of the kids. An example: My daughter's birthday is coming up, and it is my ex's day with the kids. However, we will be going out for a birthday dinner, and my girlfriend doesn't think I should go.

I'm not torn about going to dinner. I am torn about how to deal with the new girlfriend regarding my relationship with my kids and ex-wife. Any suggestions? -- JEFF IN MICHIGAN

DEAR JEFF: Yes, and I sincerely hope you will take this to heart. What you have described is a huge red flag. Lose this girlfriend now. She appears to be both selfish and insecure, and she will worsen your relationship with your ex and destroy your relationship with your children if she can.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have a long, loving relationship. But there's always been this one little problem. When we're out in public, I ask him to "please pull up your pants" and "please not put your hand down your pants." He gets upset that I call him out on it, but it's embarrassing for me, and I feel like it should be for him, too. How can I stop him from letting his pants be a problem? (They are nice slacks with button, zipper and belt!) -- JANE DOE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JANE DOE: Buy your partner a pair of suspenders and insist that he wear them when he's out in public with you. (It should lessen his need to put his hand down his pants, a habit that should have been "discouraged" before he entered kindergarten.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are expecting. We were both raised Catholic, but neither of us feels any affinity for the church or its teachings anymore. We had a Catholic wedding more for others (primarily family) than for ourselves.

The question is, do we have our baby baptized? Neither of us really wants to, but we're afraid of the reaction from our families. We would just go along with it, but if we do, it means getting involved with a religious group we care little for, and worse, lying about it. What do we do? -- DO WE OR DON'T WE

DEAR DO WE OR DON'T WE: You and your wife are both adults. How you choose to raise your child should not be dictated by anyone but yourselves. If you choose not to baptize your offspring in the Catholic religion, then "to thine own selves be true." If your child later decides to adopt a Christian religion, he or she can be baptized then.