DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend, "Rocko," for two years, but in the late months of last year, he became distant. He would disappear for days at a time, block my phone number and ignore me. I was sure he was seeing another woman or taking drugs because he is an ex-addict.

Two months ago, he was arrested. I was right -- Rocko was on drugs and had been hanging out with another woman. Like any man who's caught, he swears she was "just someone to get high with" and nothing happened between them. It has destroyed my self-esteem. I hate myself, and I can't stop wondering why I wasn't enough.

Rocko is currently in rehab and seems to be doing wonderfully. I have asked him a lot of questions and said I needed him to be truthful. So far he has been honest. However, he still denies anything happened between them.

He says he wants to save our relationship and start a new life together now that he's clean. How do I do this? I don't trust him! I'm already doubting everything he says and does. I know he needs to earn my trust back, but how do I let that happen? How do I even begin to forgive him for everything he has done to us? -- JUMBLE OF EMOTIONS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR JUMBLE: You wrote that the way Rocko treated you has destroyed your self-esteem. Work on rebuilding it, and once you have done that, ask yourself why you should continue to be involved with someone as unstable as this man.

Disappearing for days at a time, blocking your number and ignoring you when you reach out is brutal. It is abusive. Rocko has been around this track before and may again. If you don't have it in you to stay and see this through to a possibly positive conclusion, end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor regularly goes around gardening in her yard wearing yoga pants with huge tears in the inner thighs and an even bigger hole in the crotch. You can't miss it because she bends over, and stays bent over, for significant quantities of time while she is weeding. Her behind is frequently aimed in the direction of my house and yard.

Abby, you could fit both hands in that hole, and it stretches wide over her pear-shaped rear end! I have kids, and her other close neighbors have kids even younger than mine.

The first time I saw her, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed the tears were recent. But she wears this same pair of indecent pants every time she goes out to garden. Today, when I looked out my dining room window, there she was bent over, flashing her derriere, with a hole in her underwear right where the holes in her pants were.

She isn't poor. She spends lots of money on her garden and updating her house every year. This woman is in her 60s, semi-retired, and loves nothing more than to call the police and the city code enforcement people on any neighbor she dislikes, so I can't talk to her about it because I'm afraid she'll retaliate. Should I send her an anonymous letter asking her to buy new pants? -- EXPOSED OUT THERE

DEAR EXPOSED: No. Tell her calmly that you are concerned about your children and ask her to please wear something less "revealing." However, if she refuses, install a hedge to shield you from the view. And practice your "look away" skills.

DEAR ABBY: Sometimes when my husband has been drinking, he does things I consider inappropriate with his cousin and childhood friend "Jasper." The most recent incident involved my husband pulling down his pants and showing Jasper his private parts. Later that night he tried to grab Jasper's crotch.

To me, Jasper seems slightly uncomfortable, but he just laughs it off. When I confronted my husband about it, he said I was overreacting and he was "just messing around." I don't think he's gay, but it almost feels like he is cheating on me. Am I overreacting, and what should I do? -- CONFOUNDED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFOUNDED: Your husband's immature behavior "sometimes when he has been drinking" is extremely inappropriate. How many times has this occurred? Listen to your gut and get to the bottom of this because it appears you are married to a problem drinker who may need help.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my mom and I started a book club. For the most part, it's been a lot of fun. But one member, "Maeve," has to be the smartest person in the room no matter the topic. She often belittles other members she considers less educated than she is. She also frequently doesn't read or finish the book. She uses the excuse of, "Oh, I read that years ago, and I didn't have time to review it again."

Maeve is retired, and I don't mean to judge what she does with her time but, if all of us who are working can find time, surely she can too. Abby, would it be terrible to ask her to leave the book club? Every other member has complained to either me or my mom about Maeve. What should we do? -- BOOK ADDICT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BOOK ADDICT: Talk privately with Maeve. Tell her how her actions have made the rest of the members uncomfortable and give her some examples. Then tell her that if she can't keep up with the reading and contribute in a positive manner -- which is the reason the club was formed -- she should withdraw.

DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married woman. After 45 years of working full time and raising three great children, I decided to retire. I loved working and raising my children, and I am now thoroughly enjoying my retirement.

I do not yet have grandchildren, and my days are quiet and simple, which is fine with me. My husband and I enjoy little things -- the crossword puzzle, discussing the news, going to a play or concert and enjoying the company of our children and extended family when we get together.

The problem? My working siblings and their spouses constantly ask, "So, what are you doing with your time?" If I say, "Enjoying each day as it comes," they scoff and say, "So, you're just doing NOTHING?! Are you ever going to work again?" It makes me feel sad and judged, and I don't know how to respond. What can I say to these folks who think I'm "doing nothing"? -- LOST FOR WORDS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: You can feel sad and judged only if you allow it. All you have to say to these people is, "I'm finding plenty of things to devote time to -- spending more time with my husband, chief among them -- and I'm wallowing in it!" Then smile.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 20 years. I have never cheated on him or given him any reason to believe I have. But he is constantly on my Facebook account. He also reads all my emails and text messages.

I have nothing to hide, but I feel foolish standing by him as he reads my messages. I feel like a student in a principal's office waiting to be reprimanded for something I did wrong or said.

If he doesn't read my personal messages when I am up, he waits for me to go to sleep and reads everything. I have not answered messages that friends have sent me because he reads them, deletes them and then doesn't tell me I got a message.

He gets mad at me if I tell him I don't want him looking through my messages because he says I must be hiding something. I have changed passwords only for him to demand that I give them to him. His actions are making me extremely stressed. Is this normal behavior? -- STRESSED SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR STRESSED: NO, IT IS NOT NORMAL, and it's no wonder that you are extremely stressed. Your husband's behavior is extremely controlling, and it is a reflection of the extent of his insecurity.

Your situation is unhealthy, to put it mildly. Has this sort of thing been going on for the last 20 years? If not, it could be a precursor to domestic violence. For your own sake, talk to someone at the National Domestic Violence Hotline about what is going on. Its toll-free number is 800-799-7233. The website is thehotline.org.

DEAR ABBY: I just started my first full-time job, and my boss is amazing but a bit overprotective. Last week, our marketing director, "Amy," reached out and asked me to organize an envelope-stuffing for invitations to an event my department is hosting. This event was not organized by my department. It was being handled by the marketing and membership teams.

My boss thought it was unreasonable for me to have to do that. I didn't mind, nor did I complain, but my boss was upset and confronted Amy about it. Amy apologized and helped me send out the invites, but since then she has been cool to me. It feels like others in the office have also withdrawn somewhat (although I suppose I could just be imagining this).

I really wish my boss hadn't said anything. On one hand, I appreciate her standing up for me, but I don't want my co-workers to think I'm lazy or a complainer, especially because I’m new here and at the bottom of the totem pole in the office. Should I just let it blow over? Should I say something? Any advice would be welcome. -- NOT A COMPLAINER

DEAR NOT A COMPLAINER: Your boss may have stepped in because there were tasks she wanted you to spend your time doing that are more important to her than stuffing envelopes. Tell Amy privately that you were glad to help with the invitations, and you never complained to anyone about having been asked to do it. It may clear the air. Then have a talk with your boss about chain-of-command rules, including whether you must get an OK from her before helping out other departments.