DEAR ABBY: Last year I met a special man when I hired him to do some work related to my hobby. We easily fell into a friendship and have grown very close. We currently spend all our free time together. We talk every day on the phone, sometimes for hours. We are both divorced with children. He was married for 17 years and hasn't been in a relationship since.

About a month ago, I kissed him. While he did kiss me back, hesitantly, that was as far as he let it go. He said he "doesn't want to ruin what we have and isn't sure if it's the right thing." I was embarrassed and hurt, but we carried on like nothing had happened.

He is 16 years older, and I know he finds me attractive. He has told me I am beautiful, among other compliments, and we've had a few very long hugs. I desire a physical connection with him, but I wish I didn't.

Lately, when we are together I can't stop thinking about it. He obviously knows how I feel, but I'm afraid of pushing the issue. I feel like maybe I should stop seeing him. I would miss him a lot, like losing my best friend. But I'm compromising my own needs by letting him string me along, or whatever it is he is doing. I know he would be hurt, too, if we "broke up." I don't know what to do. It feels like I am going to lose either way. -- CAN'T WIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAN'T WIN: It is time for a nonthreatening, adult conversation with this man about why he hasn't had a romantic relationship since his divorce and doesn't appear interested in one now. You mentioned that he is older. It's possible that he has performance issues and may not be able to give you anything more than long hugs. However, if it's something more, he should level with you.

This doesn't mean you are going to lose either way. There are worse things than having a compatible man in your life as a best friend, but not if you are being scorched by the torch you're carrying for him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your advice since I was quite young. I recently ended a toxic relationship and have you to thank for helping me move forward. I'm on my own now for the first time, which has been interesting to experience during our COVID crisis. It has made me realize who is truly important in my life.

I am reaching out to people from my past who are positive influences and trying to cultivate and nurture relationships. I am also reflecting on my personal issues that need working on while I detoxify. I know this is crucial before I even consider possibly bonding with a new man. Thank you for your voice of reason and great advice, even when it has been difficult to accept the truth in it. -- APPRECIATIVE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Thank you for your sweet letter, and congratulations for finding the courage to end a relationship that was toxic. Not everyone is strong enough to do that, so they tolerate their misery for years. I'm glad reading my column helped you and gave you insight.

You are wise to give yourself time rather than rush into any new relationships, particularly now. Many people feel especially vulnerable because they are unaccustomed to being isolated as we have been for the last few months. I applaud you for turning it into a positive -- a period of reflection and growth.

DEAR ABBY: I live with my significant other. We have been together for 13 years now. I would like to ask his stepmother why she refuses to acknowledge me. She sends holiday cards addressed only to her stepson. I am left off invitations as if I simply do not exist. Should I confront her and tell her it hurts my feelings?

I have had a couple of visits with her, and I'm respectful. She has introduced me as "a friend" of her stepson. I feel it's time to speak up. Do you agree? -- FED UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FED UP: I am surprised that after all this time your partner hasn't spoken to his stepmother about this. I agree it is time to bring this out into the open, but only if you can curb your resentment and talk calmly with her.

Tell her her omissions have been hurtful and ask why she seems incapable of acknowledging your relationship with her stepson. Once you have put her on the spot, listen to what she has to say, but resist the urge to strike out. If you can manage that, you will have not only learned something important about her, but you will also have kept your dignity.

DEAR ABBY: People often stress out over the stuff that goes on in daily life and don't seem to know how to deal with it. Frankly, I don't know either, because I stress out more than most of the people I know. Do you have any advice on some things I can do to stress less? -- TRYING TO COPE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TRYING TO COPE: Several things come to mind. Make it your business to get out of the house and walk every day for at least 30 minutes. I find it has helped me to put things into perspective. Look online for some simple meditations and breathing exercises, which can also help to relax you.

If you drink, do so only in moderation. Remember, alcohol can be a depressive and make you feel tired and down. When you are feeling overwhelmed, recite the Serenity Prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

And if your stress continues, don't suffer in silence -- discuss it with close friends and family, and if necessary, your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I was a girl, then a young lady, next a mother and now a grandmother. I was never a "guy" until the last 10 years, when waitstaff and salespersons began calling me that when I am with my husband. Examples: "How are you guys tonight?" and "What can I get you guys?" I am not, nor have I ever been a "guy." Other than baring my breasts, how do I let people know that I am not a guy and wish to be addressed otherwise? -- CALL ME MA'AM IN FLORIDA

DEAR CALL ME: The servers and sales staff are not intending this as a personal affront. Using the word "guys" to refer to a couple or a group is becoming so common it's now in Webster's dictionary. However, this is a complaint voiced by many of my readers of a certain age, along with not enjoying being addressed as "Sweetie" or "Young Lady."

If it bothered me as much as it does you, I would quietly take it up with the manager or supervisor, and suggest that because it is annoying, "Sir" and "Ma'am" would be a more suitable substitute for "you guys." You might also prefer to dine in a less casual restaurant or shop in a more exclusive store to see if you are addressed differently.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem strange, but my husband is too nice. His late mother, a domineering woman who always got her way, trained him not to have an opinion. Almost everything he says is crafted to be neutral so that nobody can possibly take issue with him.

If I ask, "What do you want for dinner?" his reply is, "Whatever you want." If I ask, "What make of car should we buy?" his reply is, "What kind would you like?" When I give him several choices, he tries to guess what I would prefer. He is a wonderful, kind, sweet man who will do anything for me.

We both have professional degrees and are in our early 30s. He lived with his parents through college. I have been on my own longer than he. I've told him I'm not like his mother was, and it's safe for him to express his opinions. After two years of marriage, although I continue to solicit his opinion, not much has changed.

Abby, I am tired of being in charge of everything. I'm afraid I'll become like his mother and just do what I want because consulting him is a waste of time, and hearing another "whatever" answer irritates me. I feel like I'm raising a very obedient child. I wanted an equal partner in marriage. How should I handle this? -- WIFE, NOT MOTHER

DEAR WIFE: I am guessing you have had more than one conversation with your husband about this. There is a saying, "Give me a child 'til the age of 7, and he's mine for life," which references indoctrination. Your late mother-in-law had her son under her roof for about 25 years, so his personality traits are pretty well cemented in. You might have better luck if you start phrasing your questions differently. ("Do you want chicken or fish tonight?" "Do you want to decide or should I punch you in the nose?") But if that doesn't work, you may have to accept the man you married just the way his mother made him.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently living with my fiancee, "Josie." That we are a same-sex couple was hard for our families to come to terms with. (Mainly Josie's mother.)

We are now planning a small courthouse wedding with a family dinner to follow a week later. We have made this clear to family and close friends, and nobody has taken issue with it. However, Josie's mother thinks it "isn't right" that we are inviting only parents to the ceremony and not siblings (Josie has one; I have three). She also called Josie crying because Josie and I went dress shopping on our own (spontaneously).

My mother is perfectly happy with all of our decisions and supportive with whatever we decide. How can we get my fiancee's mother to be more supportive? -- WEDDING DRAMA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WEDDING DRAMA: It might be helpful to recognize that while your family is more accepting, Josie's mother appears to be struggling on a couple of fronts. As many mothers do, she may have fantasized about a church wedding, helping her daughter select her bridal gown, and having a son-in-law. In a sense, she is grieving the death of her fantasy. Frankly, I feel sorry for the woman. With time, I am sure she will become more accepting and supportive.

You and Josie are about to embark on your lives together. Let your happiness be the beacon that guides her mother to acceptance, although it may not happen as quickly as you would wish.