DEAR NATALIE: I've been a single guy for a long time, and I have to admit, I was feeling pretty bitter about dating and women. Recently, however, I met a new woman, and she is fantastic. But I am not sure what I want here. She almost seems too good-looking, too unattainable for me, thus my interest seems to be lagging. For the same reason I never look at luxury cars and get excited: I know I can never have one; they'll always be impossible for someone like me. I don't even fantasize about it. I seem to need something here, and I don't know what it is. She's a gorgeous, seemingly perfect woman in my age range (I'm in my mid-40s) who wants to see me again. So why am I not more excited about that? -- Should Be Happy

DEAR SHOULD BE HAPPY: Sounds like you have a bad case of the bitters. Life burned you somewhere along the line (as it does to all of us), and you just had a harder time bouncing back for whatever reason. The only cure for this? A leap of blind faith. Into the abyss. Don't think -- just jump. Sounds like you are genuinely interested in this woman, and I promise you she puts on her jeans one leg at a time like everyone else. She may be spectacular, but she is not perfect. Stop fixating on the fear of what could happen (after all, fear isn't real and exists only in our minds when we are projecting negative thoughts about our potential future), and instead just follow your gut. If your instincts say, "Call her and set up a date," just do it. Don't overthink it. Life is too short to play "what if" with chances at happiness. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: It's my birthday weekend, and instead of taking me out or doing something fun for me, my longtime partner decided to leave town and do his own thing. Obviously, this really hurt me. I'm not sure how to navigate these waters. I'm really angry. I feel like I always put him first, and then when it's my time to have something nice happen for once, he just doesn't seem to care. What do I do? -- Sick of This Pattern

DEAR SICK OF THIS PATTERN: We show people how to treat us. It sounds as though for a long time now you have been the giver in the relationship, and he has been the taker. Guess what? Givers and takers never work well (because one person is always happy and the other is always miserable). This weekend may be a good time to reflect on what it is that YOU want and need from a partner. Make a list of things that have to change in order for the relationship to progress. When your partner returns from his "getaway," show him the list and say, "I am feeling neglected and hurt by what I feel is a pattern of destructive behavior. If the following things do not change, I have to rethink the relationship." If he scoffs at this or tries to fix it for a few days and then reverts to old ways, you have to make a decision. Do you want to be a doormat for the rest of your life, never getting anything in return for your love and devotion, or do you want to find a partner who also gives from the heart? The choice, albeit a hard one, is yours.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Speak what you want, not what you have. Want a new job? Want a promotion? Speak it. The more you tell your contacts about what you are looking for, the more likely you will get it. By putting the word out there, you are allowing someone to come into your life that can change it for the better. It never, ever hurts to say, "This is what I am looking for. Can you help me?" Think big.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend has mood swings and I think it’s just getting worse. I’ve been with him for five years and we've been fighting over little dumb arguments. It’s getting to the point where I really believe I’m being emotionally abused. Meaning: He makes me feel as though I’m always wrong and he’s always right. I’m walking on eggshells at this point and I don’t know what else to do. He refuses to talk to me in person so he’d rather text and these “conversations” are not going anywhere. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. But I don’t know how much more I can take. Any advice?

-- SAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SAD IN CALIFORNIA: This sounds like more than just moodiness. This sounds like someone who is hypercritical of you and controlling. My question for you is, why do you want to be with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself? If I were you, I would take some serious time to reflect on what it is that you want from this relationship and what it is that you are looking for in a partner. I know first hand how hard it can be to let go of a long-term relationship. It feels like a death that you have to mourn in order to heal and letting go is the hardest part. But, life is short. Do you really want to spend your time walking on “eggshells” because your partner doesn’t even have enough self awareness to speak to you about his feelings in person? I’m not discounting that he is in pain or that he loves you. I have no doubt that you love him too. But the question is: Who do you love more? Yourself or him? Self preservation isn’t the same as selfishness, and while I’m not telling you to leave him, I am saying that taking a step back to reevaluate this relationship may be a good idea. At the end of the day, I would rather be alone and content than with someone and miserable. Don’t stay just because you want a boyfriend. Don’t stay because you think you can “fix him.” And please don’t stay because you feel as though you are incomplete without him. You are enough. You are enough just as you are and if he doesn’t recognize that, then say “enough” of this nonsense and walk away.

DEAR NATALIE: As a man who considers himself a decent human, I have to admit that I was (and still am) shocked at the number of allegations coming forward from women since the #MeToo movement aimed at so many famous men. As someone in the art and entertainment industry, I want to support women but I’m not sure how to do that. I would never hurt a woman, but I feel like that’s not enough and I shouldn’t win points for not being a total creep. What else can I do? -- AN ALLY

DEAR AN ALLY: The only way things will change is for men to call out other men for this behavior. If you see or hear something, say or do something. You can also take other proactive measures like supporting policy changes that uplift women and families as well as support your local businesses that are owned by women. Become a mentor for young boys and men and instill in them respect for everyone. Learn more about intersectionality and how race, gender and economics play major roles in how we treat one another on the micro and macro levels. Read. Ask questions, but don’t expect women to do all the work for you. Things won’t change unless we each decide to make a change within us. I really like this quote from Rumi: “Yesterday, I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don’t take the bait. Sometimes, you may find yourself in a conversation where someone is trying to bait you to say something negative about someone else. Just ignore them. Don’t fall into a trap where you say something you will regret while giving someone else an advantage. Just like your mom always said: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)