DEAR NATALIE: I have been seeing this new guy for about a month now and he has already told me that he isn’t seeing anyone else. He wanted to know if I am seeing anyone else. We haven’t even met in person yet because of Covid-19. We mostly just talk over FaceTime and text throughout the day. He’s nice. I like him, but I am talking to other people. I told him the truth, and now he is mad at me. Was I wrong? What do I do now? —FREE BIRD

DEAR FREE BIRD: If he’s acting this possessive now, what would he be like in person? I give this one a hard pass. No thanks. You told him the truth, which was the right thing to do. He had no right to be angry with you, and the fact that he was is a big red flag to me. I would lose his number. Who wants to see where that road leads? Trust me, it won’t lead anywhere good. If you decide to give him one more chance, however, I would tell him that his reaction was alarming, unnecessary and made you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn’t apologize or show you that he won’t act that way again, lose his number. If he realizes that he was out of bounds and starts treating you like a person and not an object to possess, that’s great. Just remember, love is not control.

DEAR NATALIE: Normally I am very excited around the new year approaching. I have made vision boards in the past, I have thrown parties to celebrate the new year, and I have always focused on my goals, picking up new hobbies to try. But, this year, I want to do nothing. I don’t want to celebrate, I don’t want to plan, I don’t want to do anything. My friends are worried about me, they say that I’ve been acting depressed. They are right. I am depressed. I’m scared for the future and scared for what’s next. If I don’t make any plans, then I can be disappointed. That’s what I keep telling myself. But my husband is encouraging me to have a (very small) dinner with a few of our close friends on New Year’s Eve. I have no energy. How do I get out of this funk? I don’t want to be like this but I feel very down about the world. —NO NEW YEAR

DEAR NO NEW YEAR: The idea that everyone should just pretend that nothing has changed and carry on like they would any other year is delusional, insensitive and irresponsible. It is completely fine for you to decide to sit this one out. There is no law that says you have to participate in any of these festivities, even if you have in the past. It is fine if you don’t feel like planning for the future right now. For a lot of people, just surviving the present moment is enough. Give yourself some grace, some space and some time to digest everything that is happening. If you find that months from now you still feel exactly the same way and it is inhibiting you from your living, then reach out to a therapist for support. But in this moment, in the right here right now; curl up on your couch with a good book or a movie and take this time to heal, to grieve and to reflect. It is OK to just be. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: Let me be perfectly honest. I hate Christmas. It’s such an awful holiday with way too much expectation. This year, I was so happy because everything was canceled due to Covid. But my girlfriend has been really getting on me for not wanting to do anything with her. I didn’t help decorate, I didn’t bake any cookies, I didn’t buy any presents. Now she wants to take her niece and nephew to this drive-thru lights show the day after the holiday. Why would I want to do that? We got into a big fight over this. She said she wants our future kids to experience the holidays, and that I am ruining it. Is it that big of a deal? I feel like she is on the verge of dumping me and I need some advice. I do love her and want to have a family with her someday. —GRINCH

DEAR GRINCH: Life is about compromise. For the sake of our relationships, sometimes we do things that don’t sound fun or meaningful to us, but hold value to our partner. Holidays can be like that for a lot of people. The holidays can be stressful, depressing and exhausting. But they can also be a joyful time, a time for reflection, a time for celebration. This year has been challenging on so many levels. So many families will not be spending the holidays together because of Covid-19. The economic hardships that millions and millions of Americans are facing have also dampened spirits. It sounds to me that your girlfriend is just trying to make the best of a difficult time. When you don’t want to decorate with her or bake cookies, you are missing out on interactions that could strengthen and deepen your love for each other. Why ruin this one time of year where she is feeling both joy and optimism? Love is an action word, after all. You say that you love her. You are clearly worried about your relationship with her because of your dislike of the holidays. If this is something she enjoys and you can stand to do one or two small activities with her, like taking her niece and nephew to see holiday lights, why don’t you? We all make sacrifices from time to time in our relationships. Show her that you can put your feelings aside and give her this moment. It may just grow your heart three sizes.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend is always complaining to me about her relationship. She let her boyfriend move in with her during the pandemic when he lost his job. But now, he’s working full time again and has enough money to find his own place. But every time she brings it up, he just laughs and says, “Why would I leave?” I don’t blame him. She does everything for him, treats him like a prince and he really doesn’t do much for her in return. I asked her why she stays with him and she always says that old tired line: “Because I love him.” But every day she texts me something that he did or said that upsets her. What’s stopping her from leaving him? —JUST SAY GOODBYE

DEAR JUST SAY GOODBYE: Tale as old as time. In relationships, you have the givers and the takers. When a taker finds a giver, why would they leave? Theoretically, she really needs to date another giver so they can both reciprocate back and forth their admiration and appreciation for one another, but we know that’s just not how it always works. In this situation, all you can do is to continue to be a good friend to her. Listen to her, but try not to fix it. She clearly is conflicted and most likely doesn’t need anyone else telling her what she already knows in her heart. In actuality, it won’t likely change her mind and will only put a wedge between you. Instead, just be there for her, and the next time she brings him up, remind her that she is worthy of all the good things she bestows upon him. Maybe that will sink in over time. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I was blindsided by my girlfriend recently. I came home from work one night last week and she had all of her bags packed. She told me that she was moving out. We live together and I thought the pandemic was bringing us closer. We had even talked about getting married next year. She said she can’t take it and misses me being her “part-time girlfriend.” What does that even mean? She doesn't want to break up, she is just going to live with her dad for a while until she “sorts it all out.” He lives about 30 minutes from us, so it’s a huge change. I thought we were happy. She just keeps saying it’s all too much. What should I do? My friends say if I stay with her, I’m just letting her walk all over me. But I love her and don’t want to break up. Maybe she just needs space? Any advice will be helpful. —BEWILDERED GIRLFRIEND

DEAR BEWILDERED GIRLFRIEND: The long term mental health impacts of Covid-19 are just starting to show as everything begins to fray at the edges for people and their relationships. I am sorry that your girlfriend is stressed out to the point where she seems to need a break from her life. The problem with her approach, however, is that you can’t go around this. We have to go through it. Avoiding you may seem like the way to destress, but eventually living with her dad is going to have the same effect. What she really needs to do is communicate to you how she is feeling instead of blindsiding you. All you can do now is decide what you want. She clearly has made her decision. It’s unfair for her to think that you want to be a “part-time girlfriend.” That seems insulting, especially since you were talking about marriage in the near future. If you love her and want to try to make this work, then go for it. If you need time to sort things out for yourself, no one would blame you. Decide what kind of partner you need and want. I understand everyone is stressed out. I understand everyone is scared and frustrated. But if this is how she acts when times get tough, how can you build a life with her in the long run? People show you who they are. I would believe her on this one. Then, it’s up to you to decide what you can live with—and what you can’t. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend is very close with his family. Every week, they have dinner together--yes, in person. In pre-Covid days, I thought that this was a very nice tradition. Now, not so much. Plus, the night they have dinner is the night I take dance classes. Yes, the classes are virtual since the pandemic hit.  And yes, I don’t really approve of them getting together during this time, and I’ve told him that. He thinks that I should change my extracurriculars to make room for his family night. But, I don’t think that it is fair of him to ask. I enjoy his family, but I think seeing them every week is a bit much for me, and I enjoy my dance classes. I also don’t particularly want to be around people who aren’t taking this pandemic seriously. What should I do? We got into a big fight about it yesterday. —FAMILY VS FREE TIME

DEAR FAMILY VS FREE TIME: This isn’t even as much about free time as it is about boundaries. You are allowed to say that you aren’t comfortable around his family because of their flippant attitude around the pandemic. More than 300,000 people have died in the United States in less than a year because of Covid-19. You have every right to take care of yourself and the people who live with you. If you don’t want to be around them, and it’s easier to use virtual dance classes as an excuse, that is your choice. Your boyfriend cannot fault you for needing time to yourself, doing something that brings joy during this difficult time, and for not wanting to put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. If your boyfriend wants you involved in family night, say that you would love to pick another night during the week and virtually hangout with everyone via Zoom. Their cavalier attitude around the virus is a big reason as to why our collective misery is being prolonged. Put your foot down. Acknowledge your own needs. Your boyfriend may be afraid to stand up to his family, but you certainly don’t have to cower to their irresponsible and selfish requests.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci