DEAR NATALIE: My daughter’s boyfriend is getting ready to propose! We are thrilled for them. He secretly bought her an engagement ring and sent it to our home to look at because I have a jeweler friend that could make sure he didn’t overpay. Well, he did overpay. By quite a bit. It’s not a natural diamond, either, so on the secondary market he won’t get much out of it if he ever decides to upgrade it. It’s a beautiful ring but I feel bad telling him this information. Also, he doesn't have time to return it and I don’t want to spoil the surprise or hurt his feelings. Should I even let him know what I learned? What’s the best way to proceed? — HAPPY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO BE

DEAR HAPPY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO BE: While I appreciate your willingness to be supportive of your new soon-to-be son-in-law, the best thing you can do at this point is just to tell him how much you love the ring. At the end of the day, as long as you like him and as long as he treats your daughter with love and respect, nothing else matters. If you tell him he overpaid and he can’t do anything about it, it will just make him feel bad about the whole situation and taint the celebration. He needs encouragement and support as he gets ready to make one of life’s biggest decisions. Instead, gush over the ring, gush over the happy couple and enjoy the moment as a family.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband traveled a lot for work pre-Covid and it was a point of tension between us because I always felt that he was cheating on me when he was on the road. Of course, he denied this profusely. During Covid, we had a great time being together at home with our kids. It was really blissful in some ways. But recently, he has been back on the road, and I feel like the same patterns are starting again. He doesn’t check in often, he won’t call me at night, and he keeps his phone more to himself. I am not one to pry, but I am getting that gut feeling again that something is off. We have been together 11 years and have two beautiful daughters. We have a beautiful family and life together. If he is cheating, I will be devastated and almost don’t want to know. But I also can’t live like this. Any advice? —ON THE ROAD AGAIN

DEAR ON THE ROAD AGAIN: It sounds as though you know in your gut something is “off.” There really isn’t a question about that. The question is: Do you want to know? Are you ready to confront what may be happening? Turning a blind eye may be a way to protect yourself momentarily, but is it really going to benefit you or your children in the long run if your husband is disrespecting you and his marriage vows? If he continues to deny having an affair but acts aloof on the road and also won’t show you his phone, you may have to decide what next steps you want to take. You could ask to go to therapy together. You could hire a private investigator. You could offer to come with him on his next road trip and see how he reacts. The important part is that you find out what is going on. What does he say is happening? Does he acknowledge that he doesn’t respond well on the road? Why doesn’t he? It doesn’t seem like he’s giving you much to go on. You have to make a decision about how you want to live your life. Is a life together still beautiful if it is built on lies? Or is cheating not a dealbreaker for you? It isn’t for everyone, but you have a right to know all of the information before you decide what to do with your marriage. Stepping out on you hurts you emotionally, reduces your sense of self and can also hurt you physically if he contracts a sexually transmitted infection. Don’t let someone gaslight you. You have a right to know what is going on in your own home. Take back your power.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My roommate and I are really close. We share a lot of our clothes and accessories. We love being together and have become great friends over the past three years. But she did something that crossed the line and I’m not sure how to handle it. I came home the other day and found my vibrator in the dishwasher. I was mortified — to say the least — and then when I asked her how it found its way into a machine where we clean the dishes, she shrugged and said she couldn’t find hers so she used mine. She was annoyed that I was annoyed. I was like, “You realize this is really gross, right?” She told me to “stop shaming her.” I explained that I don’t care if she has a vibrator, but she shouldn’t use mine. It’s not sanitary and that is really too intimate. That was a week ago and we have hardly spoken. Things are tense in our house and I’m not sure how to smooth this over. I love her and don’t want this to wreck our friendship, but don’t you think she crossed a line? What do I do to get our friendship back on track? -BAD VIBRATIONS

DEAR BAD VIBRATIONS: Oh she didn’t just cross the line — she jumped right over it. You handled it better than a lot of people would have. While it is great to be close and to share clothes and accessories, it is a whole other thing to use someone else’s vibrator without their knowledge. Explain to her that you care about this friendship and you didn’t intend to embarrass her but that she caught you completely off guard. Moving forward, your bedroom is off limits unless you invite her in. The same goes for her personal space. We learn as little kids that we shouldn’t take things without asking. This sentiment should hold true as we get older. Some people have a hard time with boundaries, but setting them both protects you and her as well as your relationship. There is nothing wrong with defining personal spaces. Approach her in the spirit of love. And if you have to lock the top drawer of your nightstand to be safe — do what you gotta do. 

DEAR NATALIE: Every time I go out to dinner with my friend, she always “forgets” her wallet. Then she tells me that she will Venmo me the money, and she never does. I feel awkward asking, but it is getting ridiculous. She doesn't even seem to care that me or our friends float her. I don’t know what her problem is, she has a good job and definitely makes more money than me. So how do I deal with this moving forward? —MONEY PROBLEMS

DEAR MONEY PROBLEMS: The next time she does this — and from the email you sent me it seems like this is a pattern of behavior — ask her to Venmo you right in front of you. If she can’t do that, explain to her that you don’t have much in your checking and can’t possibly cover for her this time. She’ll get the hint. It’s one thing to forget your wallet once. It’s another thing to take advantage of the kindness of your friends and just “forget” to pay them back. In fact, if she asks you to cover her, tell her that you would but you are still waiting on the other money that she owes you. Could she just Venmo it all at once? That might throw her for a loop, but sometimes you need to put people in their place. It isn’t cool to use your friends, and it isn’t OK for you to be her doormat. Put your foot down. And if that means you don’t do dinner as often, so be it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband’s best friend’s wife has been cheating on him for months. My husband has told me to stay out of it. We found out through friends what was going on, but his best friend has no idea what his wife is doing. I know they’ve been unhappy for a while, and I care about both of them. Well, last night, Jack (my husband’s best friend) reached out to me about it. He called me and just asked me what I knew. I didn’t know what to say. He said, “People are talking and I’ve asked Susan (his wife). She denied it. Do you think she’s telling the truth?” He is clearly heartbroken, so I told him that I would talk to her and see if I could find anything out. Well, my husband flipped out and said there was no good ending to this mess. I should stay out of it. If Jack wants to discuss this with his wife, that’s on him. While I understand my husband’s perspective, I want to help. What do you think I should do? -CONFLICTED WIFE

DEAR CONFLICTED WIFE: I agree with your husband on this one. I don’t see any situation where the end result is positive with you meddling in the middle. I would call Jack back and tell him that after thinking things through, you really think he should discuss this with his wife. If she is lying to him about being faithful, eventually it will come out. If she tells him the truth about what she has been doing, then they have a choice to make: Do they want to stay and work on their marriage or is it beyond repair? Only they can decide this. I don’t know why she is cheating or what her motivation may be. She may not want to leave her husband. He may not want a divorce. They may stay together. Whatever you do, do not bad mouth either of them to each other. If they do stay together, then it could end up impacting your husband’s friendship with Jack and your friendship with them both. Stay out of it. It may seem like you are helping, but in the end, it may just make things even messier. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend has been talking about wanting a baby for as long as I can remember. She even froze her eggs when she turned 30. Well, at 34, she is still single and has a good career. She told me recently that she is thinking of just going ahead with her plan — without a partner. I was shocked. I don’t think it makes any sense to do this on her own. Having four kids of my own, I don’t think she realizes what a change to her life this will be. I tried to talk her out of it. I told her to wait a little longer. Maybe she will meet someone? But, she became defensive and told me that I needed to be more supportive. That was two weeks ago. We haven’t really spoken. I don’t know what to say. I would like to mend this but I am also shocked that she would want to do something so drastic. Any advice? —SINGLE FRIEND, COMPLEX CHOICES

DEAR SINGLE FRIEND, COMPLEX CHOICES: This isn’t your decision to make. What she needs is a friend. She doesn’t need a therapist or a mother. She told you this because she probably looks to you as a source of understanding since you have a large family of your own. If this is something that she really wants to do — and she will do it with or without your support — wouldn’t it be better to be there for her? Families come in all forms. If she feels confident in her ability to raise a child on her own, and has the financial capability to handle it, why shouldn’t she? It may not be what you think is the best trajectory, but it is her life. I think having a friend who has children could be very helpful for her as she navigates these waters. Call her right now and just tell her you were taken aback by the conversation and needed time to process it. Now that you have, you want her to know that you plan on being there to support her. It may not be traditional, but that doesn’t mean she can’t provide a loving, nurturing home for a child. With people like you in her life that care about her, she has a better chance of succeeding, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.