DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend shoved me onto the ground the other night and spit on me. He was drunk and came home upset that I wasn’t waiting up for him. I was exhausted after a long shift at work and had gone to bed early. When he woke me up, I got up from the bed to turn on the overhead light, and he shoved me and spit on me. I was in total shock. He’s always had a bit of a temper but never anything like this. I told him he couldn’t sleep in the bedroom and so he fell asleep on the couch. When I confronted him about it the next morning, he was very apologetic and acted as if he didn’t even remember doing it. What do I do with that? I am worried this will only escalate. I love him, but I don’t want to live in fear. What should I do? – SCARED FOR MY LIFE

DEAR SCARED FOR MY LIFE: The experience you just shared sounded terrifying and dehumanizing. I am sorry you went through that. It’s no wonder you feel unnerved and afraid. You shouldn’t have to live like this and he needs serious help. The fact that he became violent and has no recollection of his behavior should scare him. But not remembering behavior doesn’t excuse it. If you feel able to, break it off with him – at least for a while. He should move out and go to therapy. He needs to quit drinking. He needs to deal with the root cause of what happened and take accountability for his actions. If living apart is not an option right now, then he still needs to commit to working on his sobriety, being in therapy and going to couples’ therapy with you. You might also benefit from individual therapy to sort through what happened and how it impacted you. None of this is acceptable. I hope he gets help and can change – but in case he doesn’t – you need an immediate exit strategy. 

DEAR NATALIE: My ex-boyfriend (from years ago) reached out to me last week. He has since come out of the closet and has been married to a man now for two years. While we haven’t kept in close contact, we are still friendly and our breakup was amicable. He called me because they want to have a baby and want me to carry the baby for them. I have since married and have two small children of my own. I was flattered that they thought of me and I’m open to doing it, but my husband thinks it is a terrible idea. He worries how our kids will react if I’m pregnant but “giving away” the baby. I told him that kids are adaptable and we can explain it to them in a way they would understand. I think the real issue is that he thinks it’s weird how my ex is trying to insert himself into my life. He wants nothing to do with any of this. What do you think the best plan of action is here? – CARRIED AWAY

DEAR CARRIED AWAY: What matters more to you? Your marriage or carrying your ex’s baby? At the end of the day, this is no small request. Pregnancy – and I don’t need to tell you this  – is a huge, transformative undertaking that can be dangerous. Considering the lack of quality maternal healthcare in this country, your health and wellbeing should be factored into this equation. Do you want to take on this unnecessary risk with two little kids of your own that need their mother? Look at the bigger picture and what really matters to you when making this decision. I’m not sure it’s a risk I would be willing to take when there is so much at stake. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I met this wonderful guy and we dated for about two years. Then, out of the blue one day, he broke things off. He said that “we wanted different things,” because I wanted children and he didn’t. Well, I’ve been single for about a year and a half and I recently saw him out. He was pushing a stroller. He just had a baby with his “new girlfriend.” I was really taken aback. I was deeply in love with this man and thought he was ‘the one.’ Truth be told, I never got over him and seeing him with a new partner and a baby really struck me hard. It was incredibly awkward. He knew I was upset. He texted me after and asked me if I wanted to get a coffee and talk. I don’t know what to do. Part of me almost wants closure but then what if I just get in even deeper? He said the situation with his new girlfriend “is less than ideal.” What should I do? 

– AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE (AGAIN)

DEAR AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE (AGAIN): You should under no circumstances meet this walking red flag for any reason. Not only did he break up with you, turn right around and get with someone else and have a baby which he said he didn’t want when he was with you – he also disrespected his current partner while speaking with you. The fact that he is bad mouthing his relationship right off the bat after seeing you shows that this guy is a toxic mess. He made his bed and he can lie in it. You need to find a way forward and heal from him. Inviting him back into your life is only going to end in deeper heartache for you. Run, don’t walk, as fast as you can. 

DEAR NATALIE: My friend borrowed a substantial amount of money from me when they were falling behind on their rent a few months back. (It was about $1500 dollars) and they said they would pay me back in installments once they got back on their feet. They have since gotten a new job and so I asked them when they would be able to start paying me back? My friend got really upset and texted me saying that I was catching him at a vulnerable time and it was inappropriate to ask them financial questions right now. I was so confused. I wrote back, “What do you mean? You told me once you got a new job, you would start paying me back $200 a month until it was paid in full, plus an additional $150 as ‘interest.’” They wrote me back and said, “There’s no way I can start doing that right now. I can let you know in a few more months.” I feel really duped by them. We had a plan and now that they have the money, they aren’t following through. How should I proceed? I care about our friendship but I also feel as though I was just taken advantage of. Should I threaten legal action? I worry that will ruin our relationship even further. Any ideas? – HE OWES ME MONEY

DEAR E OWES ME MONEY: There is that old saying, “Money and friends don’t mix.” Now you see why. I have always said that if you are going to loan money to a friend or a family member, think of it in your mind as a gift you are willing to give. Don’t loan money you can’t afford to lose, either. Unfortunately, your friend did take advantage of your good heart and you most likely won’t see that money (at least for a long while). If you want to salvage the relationship, you need to talk with him and get on the same page about the reality of the situation. Can he even afford to pay you back right now? As far as taking legal action, it is going to cost more for you to retain a lawyer than the money owed. I would try to discuss this with him first as a friend and see if you can get on a payment plan in the next six months so that you can both feel as though progress is being made. In the future, don’t loan any more money out you aren’t willing to let go of. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I went home for Thanksgiving and I remember why I never go home. My mother was exceptionally mean to me this holiday, calling me out for “putting on some pudge” and “looking old and tired” when I showed up after working at the hospital all night to get to her place. She lives alone. My dad died a few years back and he was really the glue that kept us all together. My brother doesn’t go home at all and didn’t even call this year. My mother can be verbally abusive but I have always felt sorry for her. Who is going to take care of her? I think her mind is starting to go a bit. I kept noticing her telling me the same stories over and over again. When I would mention that she had already shared that, she would just snap at me. My husband said that he hates seeing me with her because she is so nasty to me. She cries to me how no one comes to visit and how angry she is at my brother. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I hate feeling like this. Any advice on how to navigate her better? – MEAN MOTHER, SAD DAUGHTER

DEAR MEAN MOTHER, SAD DAUGHTER: Just because you feel sorry for someone doesn’t mean that you have to give in to their toxicity. You can love your mom from a healthy distance. It sounds as though she is an unhappy person who has taken out her frustrations with her own life onto the people who are closest to her. Why should you have to bear the brunt of her abusive nature? You don’t owe her that. If you are worried about her, encourage her to go to see a neurologist. Beyond that, what is something you can do regularly that will help you feel connected but also safe? Can you call her twice a month? Visit once every other month for a day? What is a healthy distance that you need? Setting up some boundaries can help you feel more in control of the situation with her. If she lashes out at you on the phone, you are allowed to say to her, “Mom, I’m ending the call if you continue to talk to me that way.” If she continues, you are allowed to hang up. I applaud you for wanting to do right by her. I understand the complexities of relationships with parents. But you are not her punching bag or her doormat. If she can’t treat you with a basic level of decency or respect, you are allowed to walk away and reconnect with her on your own terms. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend had never been to my parent’s home in rural Pennsylvania and I think I may have “downplayed” their Trump obsession. He and I are very liberal and when we got to the house, they had this huge Trump-themed banner across their garage. I think he was really shocked. He had only met them at my sister’s wedding earlier in the year and they were perfectly nice. I mean, they are perfectly nice, but talking to them about politics is always doom and gloom. I keep telling them that the news stations that they watch are only providing a specific side of the story, but they don’t want to hear that. They think I’ll “grow out of” being liberal like they did. That’s right. They were peace-loving hippies back in the day. Not sure what happened. My boyfriend has been acting really strange ever since we got back from our trip. We were with my parents for three days and I think it was two days too many for him.  I’m worried he’s going to break up with me. I know he’s super close to his family but maybe mine is just too much for him to take. What do you think I should do? Should I bring this up to him that I’m feeling distant? –  NOT A TRUMPER

DEAR NOT A TRUMPER: You need to talk to your boyfriend and share with him your concerns. If you feel this way, then something is going on. I don’t know how often you visit your family or how close you are with them, but whatever your dynamic is, now would be a good time to share it with your boyfriend. If you are serious about a future together, then he deserves to know what to expect moving forward. Can you set up boundaries so that you don’t spend multiple days with them? If you do go to visit, are you able to stay somewhere else so you don’t have to be at their home? If your parents ask you why you aren’t around more, are you willing to share with them how you feel? I hate seeing how political differences are tearing apart families. You are not the only person to write me a similar letter. The sad part is, as people’s views become more extreme and violent, it becomes harder to ignore them. Give yourself space and prioritize your partner for now. If he knows that you are both on the same team, it may be easier to find a way forward.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her new radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga