Ask Natalie

DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé recently died in a car accident and it has been incredibly difficult for the entire family. In my fiancé’s will, he left a substantial portion of his estate to me and a life insurance policy, as well. His kids are upset about this and have told me that I am “not welcome” to attend the memorial that will be held in a few weeks. I am heartbroken. I was with him for over a decade and while we did not officially tie the knot, our plan was to get married this year. I feel hurt and disappointed that his children are treating me this way. Their mother died many years ago, and I’ve known them since they were teens. I was hoping that they would want to be closer, but instead, they are pushing me away. What should I do? I don’t want things to “end” this way. The tragedy of it all is already too much. – I LOST MY LOVE

DEAR I LOST MY LOVE: I am so sorry for the untimely death of your fiancé. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you and for the family. Clearly, his children are taking their grief, anger and frustration out on you. Since you have a few weeks until the memorial, I would write them a letter. Share with them how you feel. Tell them that you love them. Let them know that you would like to be there for them. Explain to them that you are hurting, too, and it would be healthier for everyone if you can grieve together. The memorial isn’t just a place for grieving, but a place for celebrating his life. You want to celebrate with them. Hopefully, they just need a beat to ground themselves and realize that their hurtful words are just causing even more harm. Whatever you do, don’t “ask” for their permission to attend. Just say that you will be attending to support them and to honor their father’s legacy and that you hope they can understand that. 

DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a complicated situation with this guy I am seeing and I just found out that I’m pregnant. I live in a deep red state and having an abortion here is pretty much impossible. My “situationship” has offered to drive me out of state to have a procedure done if there aren’t any other alternatives. He does not want to be a father and since I’m not sure where we stand, I am not sure what to do. The wrinkle in all of this is that he is in a very prominent role in the community and is married. He has been pressuring me to get this done very quickly and I feel like I haven't had any time to wrap my brain around it. What if I want to keep it? What should I say? Not sure that I do, but I’m also feeling confused and scared. Thoughts?

– SITUATION NOT IDEAL

DEAR SITUATION NOT IDEAL: You need to take a few days to sit with a life altering decision and what that means for you. If you choose to terminate the pregnancy, how will your life be impacted? Do you have supports in place to help you through this difficult time? If you choose to carry the pregnancy to term, how will that impact your future? Would you want to bring a child into the world knowing the situation with the father most likely will remain tense if not hostile? If you are not one hundred percent committed to the idea of motherhood at this moment, I wouldn’t do it. I know you are in a terrible predicament, but so many people I’ve known have had abortions and then gone on to have wonderful families when the timing was better. Don’t let anyone shame you into keeping this pregnancy – or terminating it. Only you can decide what you want your future to look like but in any case – abort this relationship immediately.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: I was totally blindsided by my boyfriend breaking up with me over the holidays. We have been together for five years and have been looking at homes. I thought he was going to be proposing over Christmas, but instead on New Year’s Eve, he told me that, “he couldn’t start another year with me and this was our last day together.” Literal exact words. He has moved out of our apartment since and I have heard through some friends that he has already been seeing one of our mutual friends. I want to confront him about this as I feel we have unfinished business. He didn’t give me a reason for the breakup and I am truly horrified that I wasted so many years with this liar. How do I deal with him, and how do I confront the woman he is with? She clearly helped break us up. Advice? –BAD START TO 2025

DEAR BAD START TO 2025: Thank goodness that you didn’t get engaged to this guy. While it may hurt a lot right now, the universe is clearly protecting you. I can understand why you would still feel as though you need closure after five years together. You can’t just turn off your feelings. But I have to ask you this: What will you gain from a conversation with someone who has so little respect for you? You may end up feeling much worse than you already do. I wouldn’t give this guy any more power over you. Instead, if you want to express yourself, write him a letter. Send it to him or burn it after you write it. Either way, this gives you the opportunity to say exactly what it is you need to say without him gaslighting you or deflecting his feelings.  As for her, whether or not she broke up your relationship doesn’t really matter at this point. I would ice her out and move on. The best revenge is a happy life. Don’t let either of them steal that from you. 

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I have been together for seven years and we’ve decided that we want to have a baby. The only issue is, since we are both women, we have to decide who should carry the baby. We both want to do it. I have always dreamed of being pregnant and the idea of having a child with the woman I love and carrying our baby is something I want to do. She has similar feelings. Our mothers say that we should flip a coin. My doctor says we should go in for exams and see who might be the “best candidate” to carry a baby. I feel like this is starting to turn into the Hunger Games. What should we do? – BABY HUNGER GAMES

DEAR BABY HUNGER GAMES: While I love the idea of flipping a coin, I would err on the side of science for this one. It may be easier for one of you to become pregnant and also carry safely to term. Why not consult with a doctor first? If there really isn’t much of a difference between either of you carrying the baby, then you may have to decide through open and honest communication. How many children do you want to have? Perhaps one of you tries first and then the other if you want a second child? If you want to be one and done, you have to sit down and talk this through. You may want to engage a couples’ therapist who is well versed on fertility issues to guide you. The last thing you want to do is have this come between you. At the end of the day, this child will be lucky to be born into such a loving home with two parents. Remember that’s the goal at the end of the day.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

DEAR NATALIE: As we close out this year and start 2025, I have been reflecting on a lot of my goals and have come to the conclusion that I am extremely unhappy in my life. I have four kids and a husband and a good job. On the outside, I “have it all.” But on the inside, I feel completely unfulfilled and frustrated with my life. I don’t love my work. My kids are wonderful but exhaust me. My husband is a good man but takes me for granted. I’m tired. I told my friends the other night that I wanted to “run away” and they all agreed with me. Why does every woman I know in their 30s and 40s seem incredibly disillusioned? What can I do to stop hating my life? I don’t know if a divorce would fix anything and I am not in a position to quit my job. What do I do to stop feeling so aggravated by everything and everyone? – WHAT IS IT ALL FOR

DEAR WHAT IS IT ALL FOR: Sounds like you are burned out. I would recommend two things: First, you need some kind of a vacation away from everyone and everything. Even if it is one night away without your husband and kids, you need to take a step back so that you can have a chance to breathe. Sometimes, when we are completely overwhelmed and disillusioned, we can make impulse decisions that will only add more problems to our plate. If you don’t have the funds to leave for the night, can you spend the night at a friend’s or family member’s home just so you can get away from your day-to-day? The second thing I recommend is a redistribution of responsibilities at home. If your husband is “taking you for granted” then that probably means there is too much on your plate. How can you both balance the responsibilities better at home? What are your children able to do? Depending on their age, there are plenty of ways they can pitch in at home. If none of this seems realistic, are you in a position to hire a cleaning agency or someone that can run errands for you? Whatever your situation is, first let’s tackle what pressures can be reduced externally to help take away some of those stressors. After those are addressed, I want you to find a way to carve out time for yourself every week. Even if it is just for one hour. What can you do for that one hour that is just for you? Take yourself on a coffee date where you can read a book in peace? A yoga class to clear your mind? How about a walk with a friend to reconnect? You deserve something to call your own. Part of the disillusionment that I hear from so many women is a lack of connection back to ourselves. Women are raised to be relational. Everything is about how we are seen as “something to someone” else. You are a wife, a mother, a co-worker, a friend, a chef, a chauffeur, a house manager…you get the idea. But what about you independent of all of that? Is there something there that is screaming out for attention and so you are feeling angry and unhappy in your life? Finding a way to reconnect back to who you are may take time. But if you don’t find ways to reaffirm your existence independent of everything that you do for everyone else, your unhappiness will continue to deepen. 

DEAR NATALIE: Recently, we had to put our dog down and my kids have been having a hard time with it. We had our dog, Lily, for almost nine years. I was always the one taking care of her and I wanted a bit of a break before we got a new dog. Well, of course, my husband decided to get the kids a new puppy for Christmas. I am frustrated because he didn’t consult me and he knew how I felt. I am also frustrated because while the kids are older now and can handle the responsibility, I know this will all fall on me. My husband always does this and I’m over it. What do I do now that we have a dog that I don’t want? – WASN’T CONSULTED

DEAR WASN’T CONSULTED: I want to make a pun so bad right now about your husband being in the doghouse because of this. I don’t blame you one bit for being angry about this situation. Sounds like “family meeting time.” If they want to keep this dog, then there will need to be a chore list assigned to everyone in the family to share the workload. If chores aren’t followed through on, then privileges will be lost. Put your foot down here. You aren’t everyone’s servant and teaching your children responsibility through having a pet will only make them better people. As for your husband, he needs to understand that this is unacceptable moving forward. If he can’t figure that out, then he really will end up in the doghouse.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and on TikTok @NatalieBencivenga