Ask Natalie

DEAR NATALIE: I love my girlfriend but she has horrible money management skills. We want to get married, but I was trying to help her assess her credit card debt and had no idea she was well over fifteen grand in the hole. Her credit score is horrible and she still has student loans, too. She said when she graduated college she didn’t make enough to pay for living expenses and pay down debt, so she put a lot on credit cards. She said at this point she can’t get out of it, so she’s only paying the minimum on her cards. I told her there were a lot of ways to cut down on some of her spending, but she just shrugged it off. I don’t want to marry someone whose finances are like this. I have great credit and want to buy a house soon. I don’t want to break up with her – but is it wrong to break up with someone over money? – MONEY OVER MARRIAGE DEAR MONEY OVER MARRIAGE: I have questions for you: Are you in love with this woman? Is this your person? Or, are you looking for a way out and this seems like a great excuse to break up? If she is your person, then there are ways in which you can help her sort out her finances. There are financial planners out there who you could consult with and they could help her formulate a plan to get out from under her debt. She might be shrugging it off because it’s overwhelming and she shuts down. I totally get why you want to sort this out before you marry. Bring that to her attention (kindly) and let her know that it will benefit both of you if she can forge a path forward here. Support her in that. If, however, you are second-guessing this relationship, perhaps you are using this as your excuse to leave. Either way, you need to have a conversation about your future – either together or apart – before you ask her to marry you. It’s only fair to you both. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband voted for Trump and it has put a strain on our marriage, to say the least. I voted for Trump the first time, but haven’t since I realized what he was saying and what he was doing were two different things. My husband has always been controlling at times, but it has gotten a lot worse since Trump has been back in power. There’s this sense of entitlement or being emboldened by him. Our son is older now and has been mimicking his father’s talking points, and they listen to the same far-right podcasters and YouTube channels. I have tried to reason with both of them, but I feel outnumbered in my own home. As we go further down this road, I feel less and less comfortable in my own home. What should I do? My friends are telling me to leave him – but that seems drastic, don’t you? – MAGA MARRIAGE 

DEAR MAGA MARRIAGE: Leave him.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My husband canceled plans for Valentine’s Day this past weekend. We were supposed to go to a bed and breakfast out of town and spend a few nights together. We live incredibly busy lives and our children are finally at the age where we can leave them with my parents for a few nights without worry. But, as we were ready to leave, he told me there was a “work commitment” that came up. He left that afternoon without me and didn’t come home for the whole weekend. He has been acting funny ever since. When I brought it up, he denied doing anything wrong and told me I had to stop questioning his every move. I asked to see his phone. I assumed he was having an affair but it was actually worse. There are issues in his business and apparently his company is in major financial and potential legal trouble. He hasn’t apologized for ruining our weekend and he hasn’t filled me in on what is going on with his company since we argued. What should I do? I can’t just turn a blind eye to the reality that we could lose everything. How do I get him to open up to me? – MONEY TROUBLE

DEAR MONEY TROUBLE: I wonder how long he has been keeping secrets? This didn’t happen overnight, but now that it is out in the open, he might as well come clean about whatever is going on. Perhaps you can’t help the business, but you could be there to support him through this. Marriage is about being a team, and right now he is acting like an adversary. Maybe he’s embarrassed. Maybe he’s scared. Whatever he’s feeling, he should be sharing it with you so you can work on finding a solution together. Keeping you in the dark not only makes him look more guilty, but it creates a wedge which could harm your marriage. He also needs to apologize for ruining your Valentine’s Day weekend. I would confront this head on. Say something like, “I know things have been challenging, but hiding from me and canceling plans without warning and with no apology only worsens the situation. We are in this together and need to start acting like it. What can you share with me right now so I can understand why you are behaving so out of character?” Until he is willing to acknowledge the hurt he’s caused you and how these lies are impacting your marriage, I don’t know how you can forge a way forward. The fact that he thought he could avoid speaking to you about it boggles my mind. Here’s hoping that he recognizes the moment he is in, takes accountability for his actions at work and at home, and makes the decision to course correct before it’s too late. And you should have a good divorce attorney on standby, just in case. 

DEAR NATALIE: My sister-in-law plays favorites with my niece and nephew. She clearly favors her son over her daughter and it shows. She is constantly talking about how “smart” and “funny” Jeff is, while being hypercritical of her daughter, Rose. Rose is seven. Jeff is ten. I don’t understand how she can treat them so differently, but she says she’s trying to make Rose “tough for this world” and coddling her won’t do any good. I don’t approve of this approach and I have talked to my brother about it. He adores both his kids and Rose is a total “daddy’s girl.” Do you think she’s just jealous of the bond Rose has with my brother and is taking out her frustrations? Or do you think she really believes she is doing what’s “best” for Rose? I worry she will just grow resentful of her mother and close off emotionally to others. What should I do? – PROTECT ROSE 

DEAR PROTECT ROSE: The world is hard enough and what children need is a soft place to land. You can prepare your kids for the world by being their biggest supporter, not their first critic. Growing up, my mother always told us to dream big, work hard and do our best. If we did our best, she was proud. Period. The outcome didn’t matter. She never criticized us. She provided constructive feedback as we got older and needed guardrails, but she never shut us down. Your sister-in-law is right. Her job is to prepare her for the world. A world that is increasingly hostile to women and girls. And what better way to do that than build her confidence and her voice. And if she won’t provide that, you as her aunt can be that soft place to land. I hope your niece, Rose, recognizes what a gift she is just by being. And if your sister-in-law can’t see that, I feel sorry for her.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My wife is completely overworked. I keep telling her that we should hire a cleaning service or a meal delivery service, but she “insists” on doing everything. She works full time in academia and sits on several boards. We have three sons and they are constantly asking her to drive them places, take them to classes and events. I am self-employed and work from home most days. I keep telling her to take time for herself, but she just says, “How?” Whenever I offer to help, she flips out about how I do things (load the dishwasher, run the laundry, etc.) and so I just think it’s easier if I don’t help. I’m not sure what else to do, but it’s clearly impacting our marriage and her health. Any tips? – SHE NEEDS HELP

DEAR SHE NEEDS HELP:“Help” seems to be the key word here. When a man says he will “help” his wife around the home, it implies the following:

1. Domestic responsibilities are primarily hers and that reinforces outdated gender stereotypes that these are inherently her duties, rather than a shared responsibility in a partnership.

2. It minimizes the labor that she is doing in the home and overlooks it as a valuable part of keeping the household running. 

3. It undermines an equal partnership, implying that you are doing her some kind of “favor” by helping her instead of seeing it as a normal part of being an equal in a relationship. 

If you want a happy wife and a happy life, I suggest you stop helping and start taking initiative. Instead of asking her what she needs done, look around the house and do it. You can start dinner. You can get the kids from soccer practice. You can change the sheets and clean the bathroom. You can start a chore sheet for your sons so they don’t grow up thinking that the woman in their life is also their personal maid, chauffeur and chef. Step up. She may be resistant at first because change is hard, but don’t let that stop you from showing her that you value what she does and who she is – as an equal partner in life, work, and at home. 

DEAR NATALIE: I love my brother but he has a bad drinking problem. At our last family visit, he was holding my one-year-old daughter and tripped. I didn’t realize he had shown up to my house drunk and he fell with her in his arms. She was fine, thank goodness, but now I don’t want him near her. My sister’s birthday is next weekend and I told her that if he is invited, then we aren’t coming. She was shocked that I would take such a firm stand, but he crossed a line by putting my daughter – his niece – in harm’s way. I love my brother. He is a wonderful person. But I feel that if I don’t create some kind of a “bottom” or at the very least a boundary, then nothing will change. Ever since his wife left him last year, he’s gotten much worse. At first, I blamed her. And now, I realize why she left. What do we do to help him? – VERY SCARED

DEAR VERY SCARED: You are allowed to both love your brother and also set a healthy boundary with him in order to keep your family safe. It is a terrible thing to watch a loved ones struggling with addiction, and unfortunately, they usually can’t get on a road to recovery until they are ready. Your sister’s dynamic with him may be different than your own, but your fears and frustrations are valid. If you don’t go to the event and your brother does go, he can ask as to why you weren’t there. He may not like the reason, but guess what? You don’t like him tripping and falling while holding your baby, either. Stand your ground. I hope in time he seeks treatment so that he can be a part of your life, and your daughter’s, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear