DEAR NATALIE: I love my girlfriend but she has horrible money management skills. We want to get married, but I was trying to help her assess her credit card debt and had no idea she was well over fifteen grand in the hole. Her credit score is horrible and she still has student loans, too. She said when she graduated college she didn’t make enough to pay for living expenses and pay down debt, so she put a lot on credit cards. She said at this point she can’t get out of it, so she’s only paying the minimum on her cards. I told her there were a lot of ways to cut down on some of her spending, but she just shrugged it off. I don’t want to marry someone whose finances are like this. I have great credit and want to buy a house soon. I don’t want to break up with her – but is it wrong to break up with someone over money? – MONEY OVER MARRIAGE DEAR MONEY OVER MARRIAGE: I have questions for you: Are you in love with this woman? Is this your person? Or, are you looking for a way out and this seems like a great excuse to break up? If she is your person, then there are ways in which you can help her sort out her finances. There are financial planners out there who you could consult with and they could help her formulate a plan to get out from under her debt. She might be shrugging it off because it’s overwhelming and she shuts down. I totally get why you want to sort this out before you marry. Bring that to her attention (kindly) and let her know that it will benefit both of you if she can forge a path forward here. Support her in that. If, however, you are second-guessing this relationship, perhaps you are using this as your excuse to leave. Either way, you need to have a conversation about your future – either together or apart – before you ask her to marry you. It’s only fair to you both.
Advertisement
DEAR NATALIE: My husband voted for Trump and it has put a strain on our marriage, to say the least. I voted for Trump the first time, but haven’t since I realized what he was saying and what he was doing were two different things. My husband has always been controlling at times, but it has gotten a lot worse since Trump has been back in power. There’s this sense of entitlement or being emboldened by him. Our son is older now and has been mimicking his father’s talking points, and they listen to the same far-right podcasters and YouTube channels. I have tried to reason with both of them, but I feel outnumbered in my own home. As we go further down this road, I feel less and less comfortable in my own home. What should I do? My friends are telling me to leave him – but that seems drastic, don’t you? – MAGA MARRIAGE
DEAR MAGA MARRIAGE: Leave him.
Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to
asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.
Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the
Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com
Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com
Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga
Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:
Facts Over Fear