Ask Natalie

DEAR NATALIE: I got married over the weekend in a small, intimate ceremony in my hometown. It was a wonderful time with 50 of our closest friends and family members attending. This was the second marriage for both me and my husband and we wanted to keep it romantic but laid back. But not so laid back that people felt like they could show up whenever they wanted. Case in point: My younger sister was 40 minutes late to the ceremony and missed my wedding completely. She claimed she was stuck in traffic, but I could smell wine and I think she was drinking with some friends before heading over to my wedding and lost track of time. I confronted her about this and she was very upset with me. She told me that she didn’t understand what the big deal was, “after all this was my second time around.” That really hurt me. She is always late, anyway, but to miss my whole ceremony and then brush it off felt incredibly hurtful. She wants to get together this weekend. I think she feels embarrassed by how she behaved. I love her, but we’ve always had a tense relationship because she thinks only of herself. How can I move beyond this so that we can get back to having fun together? I feel like I’m unable to move forward and refuse to sweep this under the rug. – LIL SIS MESSED UP

DEAR LIL SIS MESSED UP: You should get together this weekend as planned and just let her know what is on your heart. You are right. You can’t move forward and have a meaningful relationship if you feel hurt and disrespected by her actions. Being ten minutes late to a dinner is one thing, but being 40 minutes late to your wedding is entirely something else. You need to give her the opportunity to apologize so that you can both move forward in friendship and love. If not, this is going to create resentment and bitterness – and life is just too short for that when it comes to your family. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have been struggling with my husband, bless his heart, who does not take control of his own healthcare or disease prevention. He is diligent with both his dental and mental healthcare, making regular appointments and check ups. But he won’t budge on making annual appointments for himself with a PCP, dermatologist or any other professional that he may need to see. We are both in our mid 30s and I know that getting screened and monitored at this age is important for early detection of many diseases. I’ve offered to call and make appointments for him, but I really don’t want to mother or enable him or make him depend on me to do this in the future. How can I talk about this with him and make sure that he gets the care he needs? – WORRIED WIFE

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: It can be very challenging to deal with a spouse that won’t seek medical care when they should. How does your husband’s mind work? Does he appreciate facts and figures? Would it help to pull up statistics on how more younger people (under 45) are being diagnosed with colon cancer than ever before? Is he a “tug at your heart strings” kind of guy where reminding him that you love him and want to grow old together could be the thing that changes his mind? Or, is this an ultimatum scenario where he either gets it together or sleeps on the couch for the foreseeable future? You are not his mother and I don’t blame you for not wanting to take on these kinds of responsibilities, but sometimes people need a push in the right direction to overcome their fears. And perhaps fear is at the heart of this. Can you ask him what he’s afraid may happen if he goes to a doctor? I find it interesting that he goes to the dentist (something that a lot of people often put off for various reasons) and that he takes care of his mental health but won’t see a PCP. Ask him what makes those situations different in his mind. Maybe if you can meet him where he’s at you can work through whatever block there is so that he can take control of himself and be the man you need and know him to be.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

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DEAR NATALIE: I was the “other woman” for a long time. I was dating a married father of two who told me he was going to leave his wife – which never happened. Regrettably, I stayed with him longer than I should have. Recently, I ran into him and his wife at a restaurant. (It’s a small town). She followed me into the ladies’ room and told me she “knew who I was.” I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to do. She said that I should just “disappear” and “hated what I did” to her family. I told her that I wasn’t the married one and that her husband was to blame. Her eyes got huge and then I realized that she didn’t know for sure it had been me. I think she was testing waters to see what I would do. She started sobbing and said she found me on social media after going through her husband’s DMs and wanted to know if it was true. She asked me if I would confront her husband with her. I said absolutely not. She pulled it together and left the bathroom. I waited in there and could hear them fighting in the restaurant. I think they were asked to leave. When I came out, they were gone. Since then, she’s been calling me and leaving me these nasty messages. I know she’s angry with me, but what about her husband? Should I confront him and tell him what is going on? It is starting to feel like harassment. I don’t want him in my life, but I’m not sure what to do. – MISTAKE MADE

DEAR MISTAKE MADE: Block her number and block her on social media to start. If that helps to calm things down, I wouldn’t pull your ex back into this simply because less contact with him is best. I hope she is giving him ten times the rage she is sending your way. Think of how she must feel in this moment and try to empathize with her. You were sleeping with the father of her children, her husband, the man she took vows with. He broke her trust. It sounds like he broke her heart, too. Nothing you could say will be able to undo what you both did, so it is best to just keep your distance. In time, they will either find a way to work towards reconciliation or they will divorce. Your involvement will only make things messier. Let this be a lesson to you that even when you aren’t the “married” one, being actively a part of an affair still makes you complicit in the harm caused. Steer clear of this dynamic in the future. No one can build anything solid on a foundation of lies and deceit. 

DEAR NATALIE: My lifelong friend who has been married for 29 years recently divorced from her husband. Things were rocky for a few years leading up to their separation, but it had only been three months since their divorce when her ex-husband entered into a new, public relationship. Is that too soon and in poor taste for the man to do something like that? Should I be suspicious about his relations with this new person prior to their divorce? My friend who is going through this hard time doesn’t seem to mind either way because she knows that their separation is best for her, but I’m grappling with my rage on her behalf.

– ANGRY FOR MY FRIEND

DEAR ANGRY FOR MY FRIEND: You sound like a great friend who is supportive and present in someone’s time of need. What your friend needs right now from you is just that. Be there for her to commiserate with but remember this – you can’t care more than they do. If your friend is indifferent, then you can rest easy knowing that she is moving on – so you can, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I love my girlfriend but she has horrible money management skills. We want to get married, but I was trying to help her assess her credit card debt and had no idea she was well over fifteen grand in the hole. Her credit score is horrible and she still has student loans, too. She said when she graduated college she didn’t make enough to pay for living expenses and pay down debt, so she put a lot on credit cards. She said at this point she can’t get out of it, so she’s only paying the minimum on her cards. I told her there were a lot of ways to cut down on some of her spending, but she just shrugged it off. I don’t want to marry someone whose finances are like this. I have great credit and want to buy a house soon. I don’t want to break up with her – but is it wrong to break up with someone over money? – MONEY OVER MARRIAGE DEAR MONEY OVER MARRIAGE: I have questions for you: Are you in love with this woman? Is this your person? Or, are you looking for a way out and this seems like a great excuse to break up? If she is your person, then there are ways in which you can help her sort out her finances. There are financial planners out there who you could consult with and they could help her formulate a plan to get out from under her debt. She might be shrugging it off because it’s overwhelming and she shuts down. I totally get why you want to sort this out before you marry. Bring that to her attention (kindly) and let her know that it will benefit both of you if she can forge a path forward here. Support her in that. If, however, you are second-guessing this relationship, perhaps you are using this as your excuse to leave. Either way, you need to have a conversation about your future – either together or apart – before you ask her to marry you. It’s only fair to you both. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband voted for Trump and it has put a strain on our marriage, to say the least. I voted for Trump the first time, but haven’t since I realized what he was saying and what he was doing were two different things. My husband has always been controlling at times, but it has gotten a lot worse since Trump has been back in power. There’s this sense of entitlement or being emboldened by him. Our son is older now and has been mimicking his father’s talking points, and they listen to the same far-right podcasters and YouTube channels. I have tried to reason with both of them, but I feel outnumbered in my own home. As we go further down this road, I feel less and less comfortable in my own home. What should I do? My friends are telling me to leave him – but that seems drastic, don’t you? – MAGA MARRIAGE 

DEAR MAGA MARRIAGE: Leave him.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear