DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I was married almost straight out of high school. My husband was my first, and so far only. He and I separated last year, and he is filing for divorce. He has someone else he wants to move forward with, and that’s strangely fine, since we had not been happy for a long time.

Right before everything shut down, I had met a guy through a mutual friend. We only went out once before we had to switch to video dates. Like me, he was with someone for a long time and has only been single again since right before my husband and I split up.

We learned a lot about each other during our virtual dates, and it seems we have a lot more than failed relationships in common. I get a good feeling about him, but now that we are able to get back to dating normally, I think he is going to want to move things into the bedroom, and I honestly don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

I also do not want to have him lose interest and start looking elsewhere if I take too long, since he is ready to find someone he can start a serious relationship with.

How do I let him know I could be that someone, but that I need a little more time than a lot of other women out there? --- NOT BEEN AROUND MUCH

DEAR NOT BEEN AROUND MUCH: From your letter, it’s hard to tell if you have reason to believe the new guy has made it clear he’s ready for bed, or if you’re projecting what he wants. Either way, since you’re both coming from serious, long-term relationships, it’s not unreasonable to be ambivalent about when to take the next steps and what they should be.

If he’s not directly pressuring you into intimacy, maybe you should just see how it goes now that you’re able to spend real time together. On the other hand, if he’s told you he’s ready for sex, then the time has come to let him know you’re not comfortable going there just yet.

If he sees real value in what you’ve begun together from a distance, hopefully he’ll give you the time you need. Otherwise, sleeping with the guy just because you don’t want him to move on probably isn’t the best game plan.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Every year, my sister organizes a family reunion, which is held at a local botanical garden the weekend after Labor Day. She reserves the location and co-ordinates the food, and the adults are assigned to crews.

Last year, I requested to be part of “set-up” (as I normally do). I contacted her several times in the days before the event to see if there was anything else she needed me to bring and to confirm the time. The reunion was starting at 3:00, so she said to be there around 2:30.

The morning of the party, I texted her asking what time she would be arriving, and she said 2:00. I had some extra time, so I decided to come early to help. I was ahead of schedule and arrived around 1:00. The grounds crew was there, and I asked them to be sure the sprinklers were all shut off, as we had had an incident a couple years earlier when several attendees got an unexpected shower. They assured me they were off and left.

When my sister arrived a few minutes later, she seemed less than happy to see me. When I told her about the sprinklers, she snapped that that was “her job” and one of the reasons she had arrived early. I said she obviously didn’t need my help and left.

I did not hear from her for several weeks, so I wrote her a letter. I told her I was crushed by her yelling at me and that she owed me an apology. Shortly before Christmas I got a brief note from her saying she was sorry for “speaking harshly” and hurting my feelings. It wasn’t much of an apology, but at least it was something.

I did not see her over the holidays but tried to call her several times. She never returned my calls. Then, the pandemic hit. I reached out to her again by phone and text. I finally got a text from her that asked, “Did your apology get lost in the mail?” I replied that I didn’t have anything to apologize for.

After several more texts back and forth she said that I was the cause of our disagreement – that if I, “Hadn’t shown up an hour early, none of this would have happened,” and that, “It’s kind of hard to yell at someone if they aren’t there.” She said that until I was willing to acknowledge my role in our disagreement and apologize to her, she had nothing to say to me.

Seriously?!? I was there to help, and she yelled at me! Do I really owe her an apology? --- I MISS MY SIS

DEAR I MISS MY SIS: The short answer is that if you’re willing to be the peacemaker, your apologizing for inadvertently stepping on her toes might help. My guess is that since the reunion is her baby, she may have gotten the impression you were horning in on her big day, questioning her ability to pull it off, or both — even though you were just looking to help.

Continuing to debate who’s got the right to the bigger apology, or to an apology at all, is only going to allow the rift to widen. Someone’s got to be the real grown-up here.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Shortly after retiring, my wife and I decided we could manage with one car, and it worked out well. Until our grandson got back from college, that is. He is still looking for a job, and guess whose car he is always asking to borrow for interviews and other “important” errands.

We have spoken to his parents, more than once, about this, and they say they can’t do much because they are still working and need their cars. I think providing a set of wheels for their son is their job more than it is ours.

As usual, my wife does not want to make waves, but when we find ourselves having to schedule the use of our own car around our grandson’s needs, I think something is out of whack. Don’t you? --- WANT MY WHEELS BACK

DEAR WANT MY WHEELS BACK: You’re absolutely right to want priority use of your car. You’ve already been generous and supportive; now you need some consideration in return.

Since your grandson’s parents don’t have a car to lend him, maybe they can set up an Uber or other car service account for when he needs a ride and you don’t have one to conveniently offer.