DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My father wasn’t an easy man to get along with — at least if you were related to him. He had a bad temper and a short fuse, and almost no filters at all. Yet when he died, all my sisters and I heard about was what a great guy he was, rock of the community and all that. We couldn’t believe they were talking about the same man we knew, and instead of being the comfort other people meant it to be, it just hurt us to know that there was some other guy out there who never showed this incredible side to us.

I am trying to get over this, but am not sure I can. I know you’re supposed to forgive the dead and everything, but the life we and my mom lived with my father was sometimes hard to forgive or forget.

Am I holding a now petty grudge? --- WHO WAS THIS MAN?

DEAR WHO WAS THIS MAN?: The longer you live, the more you’ll realize a completely consistent person is a rare find. Most of us have separate expectations from those closest to us than we have for the people outside our tightest circle. We also tend to develop a variety of personalities to deal with the wide range of situations we face throughout our lives. Your sisters and you may do the same thing without even realizing it, and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Different circumstances call for different responses.

Hopefully, in time you’ll learn to forgive your dad for the man he was at home. In his mind, he may have been doing the best he could, and his lasting lesson to you and your sisters may be to remember to save at least some of the best of yourselves for those you love most.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have a history of nervous laughter that goes back to when I was at least in high school, if not earlier. My mom doesn’t remember exactly when it started, but she had me checked out by the family doctor, who sent me for therapy when it started happening more often by the time I was a sophomore in high school.

Last month I got to meet my fiancé’s family for the first time, and even though I used all my usual coping techniques, I still had a couple of bursts of what I am sure came off as inappropriate laughter. I got “the look” from his mother and her sister.

I got along with everyone for the most part, buy my fiancé did take me aside and told me that there was some talk about whether or not I’m a “little off”. Even though he stood up for me and explained about my issue, they still treated me differently after the two incidents.

What do I do to convince my future in-laws that I’m not “out there”? --- SOMETIMES I CAN’T HELP IT

DEAR SOMETIMES I CAN’T HELP IT: I think a lot of us at one time or another experience a case of nerves that touches off an unusual reaction, so you’re far from alone in that.

While it’s good your fiancé did his best to explain the situation, it might be even better for you to reach out directly to at least your future mother-in-law to provide your side of the story, including cluing her in on some of the strategies you use to control your nervous laughter.

It sounds like you’ve worked hard to manage your condition, and educating your future in-laws about both your challenges and what they can do to help support your efforts might go a long way once you’re part of their family.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I adopted our first dog together, and ever since, our parents have battled about who will take care of her when both my husband and I have to be away overnight or longer.

We usually laugh, but sometimes it gets a little weird and it really makes us wonder what it will be like when we have human kids. We’re to the point where we would almost rather pay for kenneling to keep the peace, but that seems like an insult to our parents, doesn’t it? --- PUP’S MOM

DEAR PUP’S MOM: Using a kennel would certainly send a clear message to the competing factions.

However, this could be the perfect time to begin “training” your parents to play nice and share, so that when human grandkids are in the picture, everyone will have a better idea of how things will play out. I’d just recommend trying to be equitable on your end, making sure everyone gets a fair chance, hopefully minimizing any claims of favoritism.