DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother used to get really frustrated by the way her mom kept all her business to herself. When Gran died, it was a mess to get things straightened out, and Mom ended up having to hire an estate lawyer to get everything figured out.

My mother is becoming just like Gran. She and my dad divorced when I was still a baby, so everything that Mom has built for herself has nothing to do with him.

My mom is now retired, and her health is not too good. She isn’t in any immediate danger, but that could change quickly. My brother and I have tried to get her to let us know at least where she keeps her important documents, but she doesn’t trust even us.

We aren’t looking to take anything from her, just to be sure we understand both all her wishes and what would need to be done if she’s no longer able to manage her personal affairs.

What can we do to convince her we’re not trying to get away with anything, just to make life easier for everyone, and actually be able to help her out if the time comes when she needs us to do that? --- DAUGHTER OF A SECRETIVE ONE

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A SECRETIVE ONE: I agree it’s important for you and your brother to have at least a sense of your mom’s wishes and financial affairs.

Perhaps you could work towards having her meet with the lawyer she hired for her mom’s estate. At least, you would know who is advising her on her business and personal financial holdings. That knowledge alone could be valuable in the future.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Like most of the rest of my family, I have what are called perennial allergies, meaning at any time of the year and in a whole lot of different settings, I can start to sneeze or cough. Of course, these days, this is not a good thing, and although I am always masked when out in public and sneeze or cough into my elbow (not always too pleasant with a mask on), I still get dirty looks and have had some people say really rude things to me about not caring about the health of others. When I explain it’s only allergies, they sometimes back off, but far from always.

It’s gotten to the point where if I start to feel a reaction coming on, I drop whatever I’m doing and get out to my car, or don’t even bother leaving the house, which sometimes means I don’t get to a grocery store or the pharmacy, which I sometimes really need to get to to pick up things for my dad and his roommate, neither of who are supposed to be going out and around.

Is it even worth defending myself? --- NOT FREE TO SNEEZE

DEAR NOT FREE TO SNEEZE: I truly feel for you, since I too come from a family of year-round allergy-sufferers.

Since it really isn’t always practical or necessary to remain locked away, if you need to get out to run errands, especially for those who are more vulnerable than you, I think the best you can do is to continue to excuse your allergies, and just accept you’ll be doubted. You can’t change people’s mindsets, but you can, and should, get on with your life so long as you are healthy and can do so safely.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My friends are always telling me some guy, or another is flirting with me, but I truly think they’re just being friendly. I think I’m decent-looking, but certainly not a guy magnet.

I work in the front office of a large car dealership, and there is no shortage of mechanics and salesmen, who some of my officemates definitely flirt with. I can tell that easily enough. But I do not get the sense they are making moves on me.

Is there something wrong with me that I can’t see what other people seem to see? --- NO FLIRT

DEAR NO FLIRT: I’ve known people who think everyone’s flirting with them, and others, like you, who haven’t a clue when they really are being flirted with.

Consider yourself lucky to fall into the second category. Rather than always being on the lookout for a guy, you’re likely good at dealing with men on a wider variety of levels than someone solely focused on a romantic or sexual connection.

As a result, you may find you’re the kind of person who can have real friendships with both men and women, and I think that’s a good thing. If any of the friendships take a romantic turn, at least you’ll have had an opportunity to build a solid relationship first, based on more than just physical attraction.