DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandmother just turned 63. She and my grandfather have been divorced since I was in middle school, and now, all of a sudden my grandmother has decided to do some kind of make-over of her hair, the way she wears makeup, and even her clothes. I not only don’t get it, but I think she’s getting weird or something. She has always dressed like what I think a grandmother should dress like, but now she dresses like she thinks she’s in her 20s or 30s and her long hair has gone short and blonde.

I talked to my mother about this, and she just said Grandma needed to make some changes and that she thinks it’s great she is taking care of herself and thinking about her appearance. She said that she thought there might be a new man in Grandma’s life, and that she was waiting to hear about him from Grandma.

I think my grandmother has gone too far in this and I want to tell her so, but my mother told me to keep my mouth shut. Do you agree? --- GRANDMA’S ONLY SANE FAMILY MEMBER

DEAR GRANDMA’S ONLY SANE FAMILY MEMBER: I’m strongly with your mom on this.

Just as you like to decide how you present yourself to the world, so does your grandmother. It’s entirely possible that what you think of as a radical makeover is simply a redo of a look she felt worked for her in her younger days.

Bottom line, if it makes her feel good about herself, more power to her.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter was laid off last spring when the movie theatre where she worked shut down. She was working fulltime there, so she was able to collect unemployment, which was helpful. Now, that may be running out and the theatre has no immediate plans to reopen, but other places in our area are starting to hire. The trouble is, she shows no interest in applying anywhere. Her father and I have been helping with her car payments, and she is still under my car insurance, but my income is also down, and it is becoming a stretch to cover her too.

I get that she is probably a little depressed, like so many others who have lost their jobs, but I also think the cure is to get busy.

How do I push her in the right direction when she keeps pushing back? --- NEEDS MOTIVATION

DEAR NEEDS MOTIVATION: Your daughter is indeed far from alone in finding herself demoralized by the events of the last year.

If her health insurance situation allows, perhaps she could get into individual or group therapy with other young people facing similar challenges.

I also agree with you that being busy is generally good medicine. If she isn’t emotionally up to fulltime work, and the unemployment benefits are running out, it might help if you strongly encourage her to take on useful work of any kind, to segue her back into a regular routine. If her movie theatre isn’t going to reopen, she might find at least parttime work with a different employer that is either getting back on track or replacing staff that couldn’t wait out a partial or total temporary shutdown.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and her mother are super close and always have been. Sometimes I wish, though, that they were a little less close, because my mother-in-law is constantly giving my wife her “advice” on how to raise our two children. Our son is four and our daughter is almost two. It’s like my wife has zero confidence in her own abilities, and can’t make a move without consulting with her mom. We have had more than one fight over this, and she thinks I don’t like her mother, which is absolutely not true. I just want for her and me to raise our own kids.

How do I break this habit of reliance? --- TOO MUCH MIL

DEAR TOO MUCH MIL: What might help is if you ask your wife how she herself would handle particular situations as soon as they crop up. If you feel that her plan is reasonable and sound, let her know that and strongly support her following through on it. Keep trying that tactic until she realizes she can make good parenting decisions on her own.

She may still confer with her mother, but perhaps she’ll be more self-assured and less reliant on Mom as the only source of knowledge and wisdom if she fully believes and understands that you have confidence in her abilities to parent your children.