DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mother began dating a man who is, in my opinion, a heavy smoker. My mother does not seem to notice it too much. My dad was a social smoker up until he passed away, so it was not an unusual smell in the house, although he had to smoke outside at home. I could never get used to the smell on his clothes and his breath when he smoked. Now, it’s torture for me to be in the same room with a heavy smoker, even though he too never smokes in the house.

My mom seems to be getting more and more into this new man, and except for the smoking, he seems like a good guy and a good match for my mom.

But how do I handle hanging around with him and my mom when sometimes the smell is so strong it makes me want to gag? --- CAN’T STAND SMOKER’S SMELL

DEAR CAN’T STAND SMOKER’S SMELL: Have you discussed this issue with your mom? By not sharing your situation, and taking into account the health dangers of third-hand smoke, she might come to believe any reluctance to be around them is about her new man, rather than the result of his habit.

While there are techniques and products available to help minimize the lingering odors caused by cigarette and other smoke, they may be of little or no use in this case, since the smell comes with the smoker.

If you’re only visiting your mom and not living in the same house, perhaps you could suggest meeting up with them in either outdoor or more open settings. When you’re all in the same room in the house, if possible, one way you might minimize your discomfort would be to position yourself near a window that can be opened, weather permitting.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend has been wanting to take me away for a special weekend for a long time now. I couldn’t get off work for Valentine’s weekend last year when he first wanted to go somewhere, and this year I am not comfortable traveling for safety reasons, but also especially since if my boss finds out, I’ll have to miss two weeks at work for self-quarantine, because my company follows our state’s COVID-19 recommendations.

My boyfriend thinks I am being a big baby, since he says so long as we are careful, keep our masks on and social distance when not in our hotel room, we should be fine. He also thinks I shouldn’t report leaving the state to my company, which if they find out I kept it a secret, could cost me my job or at least my good standing.

He says that if I love him, I’ll take a chance, and he has more than hinted that if I am not willing to risk this for him, I must not love him enough to be with him, and he sees no reason we shouldn’t breakup.

Am I wrong to stick to my request we postpone the big weekend getaway until it’s safer to do it? --- TOO MUCH TO RISK

DEAR TOO MUCH TO RISK: A lot of life has had to be postponed these days, as your boyfriend must be aware. I think he’s the one being selfish in this case, and you can easily turn the tables on his thinking by saying if he truly loves you, he’d respect your not feeling good about this particular getaway at this particular time.

I believe you’re right to follow what you know and feel to be the correct thing to do. Besides, I can’t imagine you’d have a very good time if you spent the days away worrying about potential consequences of the trip for both your health and your job.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife has always hated her nose and been self-conscious of it since she was a teenager. I have never had a problem with her nose, but have always hated our kitchen. Her grandfather just left her $5000, and now she wants to spend it on a nose job, and I want to put it towards a kitchen remodel that we already have some money put aside for.

Doesn’t it make more sense to put the cash toward something that will help with our home now and when we go to sell it in a few years, instead of blowing it all on some point of vanity. --- LOVE HER NOSE

DEAR LOVE HER NOSE: What you see as petty vanity may be a legitimate self-image problem for your wife. I get your point of practicality, but I also think you need to seriously consider your wife’s happiness, making sure you take into account all aspects of cosmetic surgery, including potential dangers and benefits.

Ultimately, if the money was left to her alone, its hers to spend; and while as her life partner, it’s reasonable for you to have a say, the final decision is hers.