DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My parents will be married for 40 years in September. My brother and two sisters and I and our significant others want to do something really special for them to celebrate, but we can’t agree on the best way to do that.

I am the youngest and still working on paying off student loans. My oldest sister is a psychologist and so is her husband, so they are really comfortable. The rest of us are not nearly as well-off, but just as anxious to do something nice for Mom and Dad.

It has come down to paying for a trip to California so they can see and stay with some old friends and a close cousin, or giving them a nice check for whatever they want to use it for. My oldest sister thinks she should be in charge, and is pushing for the cash, and what she is suggesting we each put in is a lot more than the rest of us can comfortably do right now. And not doing it makes some of us feel like we’re just being cheap.

I and my next oldest sister think the trip would be something they would really enjoy and would not likely treat themselves to. We priced it out and a four-way split, especially with little or no hotel expenses, is something we can all easily afford a quarter of. Our brother, as usual, refuses to tell us what he’s voting for, which we keep telling him is not very helpful.

How do we settle this? --- VOTING FOR THE TRIP

DEAR VOTING FOR THE TRIP: I’m thinking it’s up to you and your next oldest sister to convince your brother that the trip is the way to go, since that’s where your comfort level rests. Three votes to one might carry the day, especially if you emphasize everyone else’s budget constraints to your big sister.

Of course, she could argue that once they have the cash gift, your parents could opt to spend it on a trip. A counter to that is that “something else” always seems comes up where extra money could be handy, and there’s no guarantee the gift would be put towards something fun and memory-making — especially if your parents are practical by nature.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know my dad is not a fan of my boyfriend, even though we’ve been together nearly three years. We are talking about getting married, once all the pandemic insanity goes away. My dad knows we are serious and probably going to get married within the next two years.

Whenever I talk to my dad, either on the phone or in person, he NEVER asks about my boyfriend. When I visit home with my boyfriend, my dad barely talks to him. He is not openly rude, but it is obvious how he feels about my boyfriend. It is like he thinks if he ignores his existence, he will just go away.

I tell him he is being bratty, and my boyfriend is going to be his son-in-law someday, so he needs to get over it. He never acted like this to my old boyfriend.

What more can I do the get through to my dad that his behavior is not only mean, but is making me think I want to have nothing to do with him if he is going to act like this to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? --- MY DAD IS BEING A BRAT

DEAR MY DAD IS BEING A BRAT: I agree that your father’s behavior comes off as less than mature. However, you didn’t mention if he’s shared why he apparently dislikes your boyfriend so much. Sometimes, people without emotional attachments see personality elements or behaviors that are obvious to them, but not so much to someone in love. It’s possible your father at least believes he has a reason to dislike your boyfriend, based on something he’s observed, or just good old-fashioned intuition. If you’ve never openly asked your dad why he doesn’t like your guy, it may be time to do so.

Barring any tangible or reasonable observational concerns, it’s possible your father is in the “no man is good enough for my little girl” mental mode. If he never behaved like this in the past, it may be because this time he sees you’ve found your keeper, and is not ready to lose you to another man. If this is the case, time may be your greatest ally if it gives your dad a chance to get used to, and hopefully, eventually accept your choice.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My son has been dating a young woman he met at his last job for quite awhile now, well sometimes. They have gotten together, broken up, gotten back together, broken up, and so on, more times than I can count. As a matter of fact, I am not certain I can even call it breaking up, since I am not sure they are a bona fide couple.

Whatever the case, when they’re “together,” she is practically a part of the family, and we happily welcome her. Next thing we know, she is out of the picture, and someone else is stopping by with our son.

I have no desire to pry, but I can see that my wife gets excited at the thought that our son has someone he might be serious about. Then she is disappointed when there is someone different in the picture.

I know my wife is dying to ask our son what the story is with the woman we all like, but I keep telling her to stay out of it. Do you think I am right, or is my wife? --- WHAT, IF ANYTHING, TO DO?

DEAR WHAT, IF ANYTHING, TO DO?: While I fully empathize with your wife’s desire to know what’s happening in your son’s life, I have to side with your non-interference policy.

If your son chooses to let you know about his personal life, that’s one thing. But if he hasn’t volunteered information up to this point, you’re probably better-off letting this sometimes sleeping dog lie.