DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I don’t get why my father, who is in his late 50s, wants to get a motorcycle and come the spring, do a cross-country trip. Both his girlfriend and my mom (divorced from my dad for nearly 10 years) are also worried, but my boyfriend, who has his own bike, openly encourages him, and that has caused more than one fight between us.

I honestly think my dad is going through some kind of mid-life crisis. His older brother had a cancer scare last year, and now, it seems like my dad is convinced he is next and will not be so lucky.

I can’t support my dad’s decision on this, and we argue whenever it comes up. I know I could just avoid seeing him for awhile, but we are close and that would be hard on us both.

What argument can we possibly make, other than that we love him and think this is a bad idea, which so far does not seem to be enough to convince him what a bad idea this is? --- DAREDEVIL’S DAUGHTER

DEAR DAREDEVIL’S DAUGHTER: You and some others in his life have already tried to dissuade your dad from his biker dreams.

It seems to me the best tact to take now is to avoid fighting with him about it and see what happens. This could all be a lot of something for nothing, and if it does come to pass, your father is an adult and has the right to make his own decisions, no matter how much you disagree with their soundness.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both my husband and I come from the New York City area. We and our children moved to South Carolina a few years ago.

Late last year our oldest daughter’s boyfriend asked her to marry him, and she said yes. We’re planning a summer wedding, and our daughter has her heart set on it being a formal affair. We found a venue that will work with us on all the COVID restrictions our state requires. It’s just the kind of elegant setting the bride and groom have in mind, and in keeping with the venue’s atmosphere, they want the guests to dress in formal attire. Our daughter has been working on finding the right way to make this clear on the invitation without coming off as a bridezilla. We’ve lived in this area long enough to know its more casual mindset, which makes for wonderful daily living, but it’s still an adjustment for us Northerners to see that the same casual is the standard for even special occasions.

How can the invitation be worded to avoid offending anyone, but still make it clear we’re planning on this being a dressy event? --- LOOKING FOR FORMAL

DEAR LOOKING FOR FORMAL: Just as it was back in the good old days, it seems not uncommon to include the dress code on a wedding invitation, even in our less formal times. If your daughter prefers to avoid more stringent wording such as the traditional “Formal attire required,” then perhaps the invitation could read something like, “Guests are encouraged to dress in their best,” or the more definitive “Black Tie Preferred,” which would hopefully indicate that guests are expected to err on the side of overdressing.

If the couple has a page on The Knot or another wedding website, some gentle guidance could be included, which might prove especially useful for the younger guests, who are more likely to consult the page leading up to the main event and also perhaps be less knowledgeable about what “black tie” means. They might be relieved to know tuxes or gowns aren’t necessary, but a dark suit or fancy cocktail dress would fit the bill nicely, and be less costly options.

Come the wedding, you may still have some guests show up in more casual attire, but at the end of the day, what counts is the celebration of the start of a new life for a young couple.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband is always defending his “little” brother, “Paul”, whenever I or his mom complain that it always seems like Paul’s “back problems” flare up whenever we could use a hand with some manual labor. My husband, who has bad knees, ends up taking it all on, so Paul doesn’t have to.

The last time my in-laws needed to get shoveled out after a major snowstorm, Paul said he was having a flare-up and couldn’t help. So my husband, my 70-year-old father-in-law, and I moved the two feet of snow out of the driveway and off the front walk. It took us nearly three hours, and the next day, my husband woke up with a knee the size of a grapefruit, while Paul was posting snowboarding shots on Instagram.

I so wanted to show the pictures to my in-laws, but that would just make things worse, at least for my mother-in-law.

I want to tell my jerk of a brother-in-law off, but my husband doesn’t want me to. Don’t you think I have a right to? I just hope my mother-in-law lets him have it. --- STEAMED SIL

DEAR STEAMED SIL: While I don’t blame you for being angry, I’d let your mother- and father-in-law handle this one. Flaunting photo evidence of their son’s apparent selfishness would probably only hurt them.

Your husband knows how you feel, and hopefully he’ll change his mind and say something directly to his brother that gives him a clear idea of how much he lets everyone — especially his parents and big brother — down.