DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom has always been a big shopper. She would go to the mall, buy a few things, then bring them home and decide what she would keep. Usually most of the purchases would be returned, because honestly, I think it was more of a hobby than anything else, especially when my dad is not around. He has always traveled a lot for his work, and even now he still has to be away about a quarter of the time. But what used to keep her busy for a day or two while Dad was away, has become something she does even when he is home.

Now, in addition to her spending so much time making purchases, returning unwanted things is a different process than bringing them back to the store. Fortunately, she doesn’t spend too much money on the shopping sprees, but it is worrying me that she is accumulating a lot of stuff she does not really need or want.

Do you think she is becoming a shopaholic? --- DAUGHTER OF A MAYBE SHOPAHOLIC

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A MAYBE shopaholic: It could be your mom is just using what’s traditionally been a hobby to help keep herself feeling mentally better during these stressful times.

Perhaps you could suggest to her that if she doesn’t want to either keep or go through the bother of returning some of the merchandise, and if she isn’t losing more money than she can afford through her over-buying, she could consider donating it to a local charity that takes the types of goods she’s accumulating. There are a lot of people in need who would make good use of the donations.

If you continue to be concerned that your mother’s hobby is becoming a bad habit, or worse, there are reputable resources, many of them online, to determine if someone is addicted to shopping, and how to help them help themselves if they are.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been seeing a lady I met at work. Even though we can’t do much in the way of normal-type dates, we find ways to spend quality time together, and I have begun to believe we have a good chance at having something special.

The biggest drawback to my wanting to get too serious is that she is so involved with her grandkids that they always come first, no matter what.

I don’t want to compete with her family. They’re good people, and the kids are a pleasure to be around when we take them out to parks or for ice cream. But I don’t like knowing that my plans with their grandmother will be dropped like a hot potato when her daughter calls to ask for help with the kids. Am I wrong in wanting to have some priority in the life of the woman I’m coming to love? --- NOT INTO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE

DEAR NOT INTO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE: You shouldn’t feel that this is some kind of rivalry. I’ll venture a guess that your lady friend’s family will always be a top priority for her, and that’s completely reasonable and something that’s part of her package deal.

You’re relatively new in the picture, and perhaps you need to give it more time to see if you begin to be a bigger part of it, especially if it’s been awhile since your friend has been in a romantic relationship.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My fiancé graduated from medical school last spring, and already his family keeps calling him to get free medical advice, and some of them have even asked for him to write prescriptions for them so they don’t have to go to their regular doctors.

One of the reasons I love my future husband is that he is such a patient, kind, generous man. For obvious ethical and legal reasons, he politely refuses to write any scripts for non-patients, but it drives me nuts that people expect him to provide medical advice for free for the rest of his life. It makes me feel like he’s being used, and although he tells me he’s fine with it, I’m not.

How do I tell the freeloaders to go pay their own doctor for a change? --- ENGAGED TO A GOOD DOCTOR

DEAR ENGAGED TO A GOOD DOCTOR: There’s nothing new in family members with a profession being tapped for free advice. It’s something you’re going to have to get used to, like it or not, and it isn’t your place to discourage the advice-seekers. It’s your future husband’s call.

Bear in mind that his immediate family may have supported your fiancé materially and emotionally during his pursuit of his MD. Also, they might be more comfortable going to someone they feel they can trust to answer questions or provide translations of medical terms that may confuse or alarm them. It’s better than surfing the web and finding a lot of misinformation.