DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Last year my neighbors were sometimes having sex loud enough to be heard in my apartment. It was an on and off thing, and I figured I could play a TV or lullaby music loud enough to drown out the sound so my child and I could rest. At that time I called the office and sent an email because even with the music I played we couldn’t get any rest.

The office never responded, and now the loud sex has become an every night thing. I don’t want us to have to wear earplugs to get some rest when I pay a lot of money for rent. I shouldn’t have to sleep on my couch to avoid the noises. I think they know we can hear them and do it on purpose. I’ve started having nightmares of rape I never have before.

I called the apartment’s courtesy officer, who is also a local policeman, to tell him what’s been going on. He didn’t want to be involved and told me to call the police, so I did. The officer said if the neighbors don’t answer the door, he can’t even give them a warning. He told me it’s a civil situation, so I should tell the management office.

I feel violated. Neither the management office, nor the courtesy officer seem to care. The officer left it at telling me he was certain the loud neighbors were told we could hear them.

There have been other problems in the past with these neighbors, who right after they moved in told the office that my dishwasher, which I never use, was leaking into their apartment.

Because of these situations, and other times when the management has been less than helpful, I am frustrated living here. But due to having no car or job, I ended up renewing my lease. It makes me more frustrated when I am already displeased with where I live and not getting the amenities that I pay for, and then can’t get any rest at the end of the day.

I do not know these neighbors and have never spoken to them before, and don’t feel comfortable asking them to quiet down their sex life. It has really pissed me off because I have been told they know about the problem and continue to do it. I had wanted to go and speak to them myself, but I thought in this day and age I wouldn’t because I don’t need them lying and saying I’m harassing them. And I also feel because I have asked previously to end my lease, that the management office isn’t taking me seriously and also doesn’t care.

Am I asking too much to get some of the services I thought I was paying for? --- I WANT TO MOVE, BUT CAN’T

DEAR WANT TO MOVE, BUT CAN’T: So long as you’re paying your rent on time and abiding by all the terms of your lease, I think you’re right to expect some help from the management office when you need it.

I also agree that directly approaching the noisy neighbors yourself might not be the wisest thing to do, especially since you’ve been told by the courtesy officer that they were already informed about your complaint.

Since you’re not getting any satisfaction from the on-site management, it might help if you reach out to your local or state government to see if they have tenant rights or other mediation services available to review and resolve issues like yours.

Depending on where you live, another potential resource is the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) at www.hud.gov/topics/rental_assistance/tenantrights. This site has state-by-state links that take you to some of the different agencies set-up to assist renters facing a variety of difficulties.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom has always been a big shopper. She would go to the mall, buy a few things, then bring them home and decide what she would keep. Usually most of the purchases would be returned, because honestly, I think it was more of a hobby than anything else, especially when my dad is not around. He has always traveled a lot for his work, and even now he still has to be away about a quarter of the time. But what used to keep her busy for a day or two while Dad was away, has become something she does even when he is home.

Now, in addition to her spending so much time making purchases, returning unwanted things is a different process than bringing them back to the store. Fortunately, she doesn’t spend too much money on the shopping sprees, but it is worrying me that she is accumulating a lot of stuff she does not really need or want.

Do you think she is becoming a shopaholic? --- DAUGHTER OF A MAYBE SHOPAHOLIC

DEAR DAUGHTER OF A MAYBE shopaholic: It could be your mom is just using what’s traditionally been a hobby to help keep herself feeling mentally better during these stressful times.

Perhaps you could suggest to her that if she doesn’t want to either keep or go through the bother of returning some of the merchandise, and if she isn’t losing more money than she can afford through her over-buying, she could consider donating it to a local charity that takes the types of goods she’s accumulating. There are a lot of people in need who would make good use of the donations.

If you continue to be concerned that your mother’s hobby is becoming a bad habit, or worse, there are reputable resources, many of them online, to determine if someone is addicted to shopping, and how to help them help themselves if they are.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been seeing a lady I met at work. Even though we can’t do much in the way of normal-type dates, we find ways to spend quality time together, and I have begun to believe we have a good chance at having something special.

The biggest drawback to my wanting to get too serious is that she is so involved with her grandkids that they always come first, no matter what.

I don’t want to compete with her family. They’re good people, and the kids are a pleasure to be around when we take them out to parks or for ice cream. But I don’t like knowing that my plans with their grandmother will be dropped like a hot potato when her daughter calls to ask for help with the kids. Am I wrong in wanting to have some priority in the life of the woman I’m coming to love? --- NOT INTO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE

DEAR NOT INTO PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE: You shouldn’t feel that this is some kind of rivalry. I’ll venture a guess that your lady friend’s family will always be a top priority for her, and that’s completely reasonable and something that’s part of her package deal.

You’re relatively new in the picture, and perhaps you need to give it more time to see if you begin to be a bigger part of it, especially if it’s been awhile since your friend has been in a romantic relationship.