DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter had her pick of five schools. Of course, she’s opting to go to the one with the biggest reputation as a party school. We have told her we think this isn’t her best choice, but she comes back with how good the program is she’s going to be in, and that it isn’t as far from home as the other potential choices were.

She worked hard all through high school, and especially hard during these last couple of crazy years. She has always been a serious student and mostly a homebody by choice. We’re concerned she will hate being somewhere where she’ll be the oddball because she isn’t a partier. Our other fear is that she’ll change and become one of those kids who are at the school for the social, not the academic life.

What do we do to prepare our daughter for what she’s walking into in a couple of months? --- PARENTS OF A SERIOUS STUDENT

DEAR PARENTS OF A SERIOUS STUDENT: This is going to be a learning experience for you all. Your daughter will find her own path, even though it may not be the ideal one to a parent’s way of thinking.

Many kids go to “party schools” and succeed academically. They’re the kids who usually find like-minded friends, who make their own social life. And yes, there are the kids who go a little nuts with their first taste of freedom. That doesn’t mean they’re on the road to self-destruction. It’s just a part of growing up. I’ve known plenty of folks from both my own and more recent generations who’ve naturally soured on the wilder life without suffering any permanent damage.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I met “Sarah” while at university. We lost touch for a few years, but then reconnected at a gallery in a part of town I usually don’t frequent. We seemed to hit if off, and started meeting up more and more often. While I can’t claim we’re best friends, I thought we were developing a lovely friendship.

Last week Sarah posted a shot of me dancing with my boyfriend at a wedding. I’d sent it to her because she asked to see a picture of my dress. The entire post was dedicated to speculating on how such a cow could snag such a hot boyfriend.

When I confronted her about it, she laughed it off, saying it was just her idea of an ironic little joke, that plainly she wouldn’t say anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, and so on.

I’m not one to hold a grudge or to be overly sensitive, but this feels like anything but a joke to me. Am I wrong, or is Sarah? --- TOO SENSITIVE?

DEAR TOO SENSITIVE?: My personal policy is to at least try to give someone the benefit of the doubt. It may be as Sarah claims, that she was going for tongue-in-cheek.

If you see value in what’s been a growing friendship with Sarah, then it might be worth letting this go and taking her at her word. If, however, you’re aware that she has a mean or jealous streak, and that this is just the first taste of behavior you’re not comfortable with, then perhaps it would be wiser to back off and not pursue the relationship any further, at least not at this time.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I married into an affluent family, and I love hosting dinners for my in-laws.

My gay brother-in-law, who is my favorite person, always asks if he could bring his lover, who everyone knows is with him for the money. My brother-in-law is rich and has been vocal about being generous with his lover because he is lonely.

My issue is this, his lover is not very well-mannered. Each time he comes to my home for dinner, he acts like he has not eaten for days. He behaves in a way that causes me annoyance, and I end up resenting hosting the family.

It has come to the point where I get anxiety each time I think about it. What should I do? Should I stop inviting my brother-in-law or be honest and say, “Do not bring your lover”? --- ANXIOUS HOSTESS

DEAR ANXIOUS HOSTESS: Even though you have multiple issues with your brother-in-law’s choice of lovers, he is, unfortunately, it seems part of the package deal for large family gatherings if you want to avoid hurting your brother-in-law. Think of how you’d feel if one of your relatives invited only you, and not your husband, to a family party.

Whether or not your brother-in-law’s clueless about his lover’s social shortcomings, if his companion makes him happy, then it might be best if you continue to simply and graciously grin and bear his presence in your home.

Since your anxiety seems to center on large dinner parties, I don’t see why you shouldn’t arrange time with just your favorite brother-in-law, without his companion. Make it the type of get-together that would be less conducive to having his unpopular other half along. I’m thinking intimate, immediate family meals, or outings doing something both he and you enjoy, and at which a third wheel would be awkward.